On Cloud Nine

Inspiration...

2011-09-04T08:16:00.003-05:00

It has been long....way too long. 1 and a half years that is. I'm not quite sure why I stopped writing - not enough time? (pathetic excuse!)...too many other things to do (ummm. not really)....ran out of things to say? (sounds about right!)

But what makes me feel like writing today is a remarkable blog I came across thanks to a friend.
http://doilooknormal.blogspot.com/
I won't discuss it in detail because I can't do its beauty justice...but in short it's written by an acid attack victim who has chosen to be a lot more than that and has embarked on a project to understand people's attitudes towards what they think is not normal.

And it made me think. That I am guilty of it too. If I see someone on the road that doesn't, for the lack of a better term fit into that mould of 'normal', I probably look back again. I don't shy away from talking to people or keep away from them but as much as I'd like to say it doesn't, physical appearance does seem to matter to me. And I am ashamed. While I was reading her blog I was ashamed too. It made me wonder about my own reaction at seeing someone who may have been changed in appearance due to an accident or tragedy, or perhaps someone who was born that way. What is my normal thought? I feel sorry for them? But is that right? Is sympathy really what the response should be or is it more important to ignore the physical appearance altogether?

I hate blaming society for my own faults but why is it that when I know that physical appearances don't matter, they still subconsciously seem to? I have no answer...

The ironic part is that just before I came across this blog I was reading a fashion blog and was reading comments that people made over celebrities and how one either looked too chubby while another looked anorexic...oh and another looked like she worked out too much (!) and was getting 'man-like muscles'. That truly irked me - that people are so rigid in their thinking of what is good looking. And I felt very holier-than-thou that I believe everyone is beautiful etc etc. Then I came across this. And realized what a hypocrite I am...while the standards may be different I too have something in my head on what IS normal. As much as I don't want to perhaps there is a side of that does judge on appearance and I am ashamed

However I am inspired too by what I read and hopefully that inspiration will seep into my conscience enough that I will start to look beyond appearance - whatever that may be - and not just feel sorry for people but see them as people...

The Secret

2010-03-17T13:25:00.002-05:00

Today a very dear friend said something to me that touched me beyond words - " I dont know if ive told u this, but im sooooooooo happy for you. your married life fills me with hope and i dont feel as scared anymore". You know who you are, one of the few who actually reads my random rants, so thank you!

I don't quite know what to say about married life. Something about it reminds me of that book that I saw everywhere called "The Secret". I know it had something to do with being happy but I didn't know what it really was about (probably because I never read it beyond a couple of pages!). I have no idea how that analogy even fits but oh well, my blog, my rules! But in seriousness, I don't know why I was so afraid of it for so long. Like it would mean the end of life as I knew it, the end of freedom, the end of my own identity. It's ridiculous when I think back to how I used to feel. It hasn't taken a single thing away and yet has given me so much. It hasn't taken away my identity but given me someone who appreciates me exactly how I am. And it hasn't been the end of life as I knew it, but the beginning of life as I knew it and life as I didn't. As for the 'freedom', well sure I have more responsibilities and am not at free will to make my own stupid decisions without thinking about it, but that was a ridiculous kind of freedom anyway wasn't it?

So why is it kept such a secret? (Just like that book, where it could change your life people said, but noone knew exactly how) Sure people say marriage will make you happy, but noone says exactly how or why. Most of my friends who got married always said 'married life was great'. But I dismissed it as 'well, what else are they supposed to say'. And my mum must have said to me a million times about how marriage was a good thing and having someone to share your life would be really nice. Blah blah I thought. So much lip service and no real explanation on WHAT it is about marriage that makes it so great. But now I get it, there isn't one specific thing that can be talked about. It is the whole idea of having someone to share your life with and share everything with. Having someone to take care of and having someone to take care of you.

I used to dismiss these things when my mum said it with a simple 'I have the two of you, why do I need anyone else to take care of me'. But well, after just a few months of being married, as I told the same friend, I've realized one thing - no matter how much you love your family and how close you are to them, after you are married, it is you and that person, and the rest of the world. And the existence of that identity and warmth it provides is truly The Secret

Being a woman and facing life?

2010-03-12T03:38:00.004-06:00

I haven't written here in 8 months. Though I did start a separate blog in the lead-up to my wedding - that one a tad more personal. But even with that it has been over 6 months since I've written anything. I'm not quite sure why...laziness, lack of substance?

Either way, Vatsa's blog (and her tag) inspired me enough to write. I absolutely loved how she focused on how great it is to be a woman and how success for a woman is not the woman's alone. It's such a common phrase to say 'behind every successful man, there is a woman'. But what about behind a successful woman? Well, I don't know if I consider myself quite a success yet, but I hope I can one day. And if I do, I will have not one but two absolutely amazing men behind me - my dad and my husband. In saying this, I do not want to take anything away from my dear dear mum, who to me is and will always be my best friend. I can't imagine what my life would have been and who I would have been without everything she has done for me and the influence she has had in my life. If I have turned out a good person (and i hope I have), it is completely due to my mum. I can go on forever, but that for another day.

Back to the two men I talked about. My dad has pushed me to achieve from my earliest memories of him. And actually even before my earliest memories - I have seen photos of my 1-year old self perched on his lap with him reading out to me and heard stories from my mum about how he would read everything from the newspaper to random books out and teach me to count even before I could speak. At every stage in my life, my dad has encouraged me (sometimes a tad forcefully and with a lot of yelling and screaming from me!) to go beyond what I thought I was capable of. Putting me in school early (and they tell me it wasn't because they were tired of me being at home!), ensuring I didn't lose a year (and rather gained one when we moved to New Zealand), convincing me that I was capable of it, when the option to skip an year was before me. Even when I was in doubt, he never was. I know no parent ever doubts their child and in that he is no exception. Yet there was something in his ways that went above and beyond. To the point that there were times I would be on the verge of hating him for pushing so hard (there is a fine line between love and hate sometime isn't there!), but I know how much love and patience it took on his side to always provide the best to his daughter. From fighting with the principal of the best school in Pune to get me in off-cycle to fighting with me to apply for an MBA to the top 5 schools in the world (which I never believed I could ever get into). There has been a lot of fighting involved in my 24 years of living with him, but well, there is nothing I would change. My relationship with my dad is so amazing and that fighting (usually because we have such similar sometimes-pig-headed personalities) is such a vital part of it. I have heard many say that fathers and daughters have something special together, and for me there is no better example of it than us.

And then I come to the second man in my life. I never thought anyone in my life could take my dad's place, and well I guess in a way no one every could. But if anyone can even come close it is the wonderful man I married. Gosh I had a penny for the times I have said to him "Oh my God, you remind me so much of Papa!" right from his romantic cheesiness (i guess I shouldn't really give that away about him or my dad, who btw is the most romantic 50something in the world) to his craze for every new gadget that comes on the market. But most of all, for how much they both love me and look out for me. Until I got married, I never worried about anything because in my mind if something went wrong "Papa will take care of it". Yes, I was quite the spoilt brat. And I unfortunately cannot make claims to be the modern independent 21st century woman. I was quite a wreck wondering how it would work out and whether I would have to suddenly grow up after getting married. But thanks to the amazing man next to me, I can be exactly who I am! I am not the most responsible person in the world and am terrible at managing finances and filling forms and any of the adult grown-up stuff. And no, I'm not afraid to admit it (do I heard all those feminists turning in their grave). We both have our strengths (I absolutely love to cook for instance, and would like to think I'm good at it - yup there is definitely some turning going on!).

But I digress (I can't help it - I have so many things I would like to say about him). I was talking about success. Well, the point to me is that after getting married, it has never been about his success or my success, but about ours. We moved to the city we live in because he is training to be a nephrologist. I commute for work many weeks, but there has never been a complaint out of him. I have heard men talk about the 'sacrifices they would be happy to make for their wife's career' and while I'm glad to hear it, the thing I love most about my husband is he has never talked about making a sacrifice. Even when I apologize for having to be away from home so much, or for having to work late occasionally, he dismisses me as being silly. He cares about my progress in my job as much as I do, and sometimes more. He will push me to get the best projects, even if it means I spend more time away from him. And in that he really is like my dad. Helping me succeed even when I doubt myself.

In all - no being a woman and facing life has not been difficult. Success (and whatever I have of it) has not been tough to achieve and life for me really is a bed of roses. And yes I am a bit of a spoilt brat - blame those wonderful men in my life!

But in seriousness, If I ever can call myself a success, that success can never be my own. I would attribute it to the two men in my life much before I give myself any credit. As for me - if I had my way, I'd probably be a lazy thing lounging around the house all day...but according to them, it's apparently not an option! darn it!

Temper, Emotions and other such annoyances

2009-06-23T06:35:00.002-05:00

Every bone in my body is filled with emotion of some sort. I like who I am and dont have complaints but sometimes I wonder if the emotions are really a good thing. Nothing in excess can be good for you. Yet I do have it in excess. It makes me feel every little thing that much more. Every small thing hurts and cuts that much deeper. And it can be painful. I wish I could just step back and assess things in a more 'practical', 'simple' way. I wish I didnt have an urge to react everytime something small upsets me. I wish those small things didnt upset me in the first place. Is it under my control though or is it just the way I'm wired. I could blame it on the genes. My dad is probably the world's most emotional man but on the other hand my mum has the world's most stable mind. Especially on a woman. Where do I stand then? At times I can see glimpses of my mum and her level headedness in me but those moments are rare and far between. Rather I see myself get hurt and get upset and get angry. When I really don't want to. Can I really change this part of me? And even if I could - would I want to? Sure it can be annoying. Sure it can mean not being able to deal with problems in a straightforward way. But what if it is the very essence of me and ridding myself of my emotional side removes who I am?

Random Ramblings

2009-06-18T23:34:00.003-05:00

I've been very infrequent with my blogging of late. I haven't quite had the inspiration or when I do, I don't have the time. Am I'm developing a fetish for microblogging occassionally through twitter but usually through facebook status messages. 'Tis sad. I know! What happened to the good old days of blogging complete paragraphs? No more no more. An attention span can only last for a few words. I wonder if one day we will actually stop having thoughts beyond one sentence. I'm not even kidding. The internet and all things associated with it have become such a part of our lives that I scare myself sometimes. Especially when I read or hear something funny and have an incredible urge to say 'LOL'. Nope. Not joking. I've wanted to whack myself really hard every single time. So if microblogging becomes the way to talk about your opinions, we'll all start thinking in 140 characters. how awesome would that be? LOL

Though my fascination for twitter is starting to grow. The impact it seems to have had in Iran and to think that many people joining hands in spreading their thoughts can really be heard is amazing. Maybe microblogging really is the new wave.

I didnt actually start this post wanting to talk about new developments in technology! I'll leave that to the real bloggers who write content that people care about. And I will continue with my usual randomness. So why did I start writing today...because I'm desperately trying to pass time and willing every minute to go by faster. My parents are one hour away from the city and hopefully no more than two hours away from here. Cant wait cant wait cant wait. It's been six months and while that may not seem like a lot I know how much I've missed them every moment of it.

But perhaps I need to start getting used to it. I've talked in my previous posts about being excited about getting married and starting a new life. Which no doubt I am. But it doesnt take away the sadness I feel when I realize how far my parents will be. And how i will never now go back home. It's not quite that either. I made a very conscious choice when I decided to get married. He is worth every sacrifice and every change, and I want to make a new home with him. Yet I cant shake off the feeling that the home I knew growing up, the city that I know every street of, the friends who know me inside out, and my parents without who I would be nothing are all so so far away. Thank God for the internet. And the phone. And a salary big enough that I can fly home anytime. And a (to-be) husband understanding enough to humour my whims.

So what was I talking about anyway. Yes. Parents arriving. For the big graduation. Marking the end of two years of studying(?) and the beginning of a new career.

And what an amazing two years they have been. While I did say I was ready to move on, this week I have started to realize just how much I will miss this place and the people I have met. While I can't believe it has been two years since I got here because time really has flown, it also in a strange way feels like I've been here all along. School and everyone in it have become such a part of my life that not seeing them every day will be a strange feeling. I don't think it has quite hit me yet. That soon all the familiarity will be gone.

Moving to a new world. A new life. Away from all things familiar. Away from this amazing bubble that school created for me. It is exciting. But yes I will admit it - a little scary too.

The end of an era

2009-05-28T18:58:00.002-05:00

It's almost here. The end of business school. Has it really been nearly 2 years? It doesnt feel like it. Till a few day ago, I was very upset. Sad that the experience is ending. Perhaps scared of real life? But a switch somewhere was flipped and suddenly I'm ready. Sure, I have had an amazing two years and met some really great people, but I think mentally I am nearing the end. The same bubble that seemed safe and lovely is now starting to feel a little claustrophobic. The parties, the socializing, the people. After a while it's all overwhelming. A few days ago I was at a party with many of my friends, yet the vibe, the atmosphere - I just didn't feel a part of it. I'm not quite sure why. Am I over standing around watching people drink themselves silly? Or is just that I am starting to get over the experience itself.

I know I sound terrible and I don't mean to. Because these two years have been two of the best years of my life (though I still don't think it compares to my Undergrad years). I'm just tired. And I'm ready for the next phase of my life. I think the MBA is made to be just enough time to be a great experience without feeling like a drag.

It may have something to do with the fact that every day that I spend here is a day I spend away from a certain somebody. And I'm tired to being so far away from him. It may have something to do with the fact that after spending a weekend with him, I feel like having to spend the next four weeks apart is painful. And a phone call is never enough.

And it may have something to do with the fact that every day of Kellogg that ends brings me one day closer to the biggest day of my life. It's so funny. A friend the other day asked me if I'm stressed about getting married. Am I nervous? I should be shouldn't i? But strangely, I'm not. Most people freak out 2 months before getting married. I on the other hand just want these two months to end.

It truly is the end of an era and the beginning of the rest of my life. A life shared with someone amazing. And honestly, I can't wait.

School and Beyond...

2009-04-20T19:38:00.003-05:00

I can't believe in a few more weeks this whole experience will be over. Two of the most incredible years of my life will come to an end and I have no idea where they went. I'm not quite sure what I expected when I came to business school. I have been asked this question by so many prospective students on so many occasions - has the school lived up to your expectations. And I find it hard to convince them that I had no expectations really. I applied to business school cause I wanted a change. I picked the school I did because it "felt" right. And my feeling was correct. There couldn't have been a better school than this and there isn't much more I could have asked for. Every moment of the past 1.5 years has given me so much - be it good or bad, I have learnt more about myself and grown up more than I have in the 24 years prior to this.

But now that it is almost over it is scary to think of the life ahead. Bschool is a bubble where things always turn out ok. But I know it will not be in the real world. As the real world gets closer I wonder what life will be like. What are my expectations now from life? None really. So I guess I'll never know if life beyond business school lived up to my expectations either!

Where do I even start?

2009-04-20T19:24:00.002-05:00

It has been so long since my last blog post and so much has happened. Life feels completely different yet feels like it has always been like this.

How did you enter my life and become such a part of it that I don't remember what life was like before you? I have known you but for a few months yet I feel like I've known you a lifetime. How do I describe life and my feelings for you? Love? 'Tis such a small word and one that is used so often and so easily. There must be more.

While I type I can't help but stare at the ring on my finger. One that means more to me than anything has in my life. I can't forget the moment I first saw it and the moment I knew that this was it. Us. That from that moment forward I ceased to be an I and became an us. And I love the new identity. Suddenly I feel complete. And I never knew I was only a half.

I look up and see the plant that I got from you today sitting on my windowsill ready to grow and I can't stop smiling. To open a box and receive something that to me represents life. I can't help but think of what life from this day forward means. A life where we are an us.

Little things that make me smile

2009-03-14T18:55:00.002-05:00

i was walking on the street this morning when a group of girl scouts were chanting 'one box left! one box left!'. I went to their table and took out my wallet and the smiles on their faces were something to see. 'You sparkle girl! you sparkle!' said this adorable little 8 or 9 year old and then the smile on my face far exceeded theirs. I walked away hearing their new chant 'we sold out! we sold out!' - that is somewhere in between all their squealing.
And well that little incident took away the stress of the last one week. Little things really do make a big difference.
1 box of cookies - $4...7 little girls squealing and jumping in excitement - absolutely priceless

Moody little me

2009-02-15T17:33:00.004-06:00

A woman's mind is a funny thing. It can go from extreme elation to depression all in a day. Not that I'm depressed. But I do feel a little melancholy today. As always I choose to blame it on all the weird hormones my body produces and that I can't control. Convenient I know. What is it about women and moods anyway? Someone once called me moody and I promptly got very annoyed thus completely proving his point. Though I don't really think I am. I just have certain times when I cease being my usual chirpy self and get a little low. I don't like being this way. Being happier is so much nicer. Yet I get this way anyway. How does that work? Why do I get sad without really having any reason to be so? Is it something in my mind that I can't really comprehend or is it some random switch that the hormones have fun playing with every once in a while? I don't even know why I blame the so-called hormones. Probably all bull anyway. But I've heard other girls/women complain about it that way and well I decided I would too. After all, who wants to take blame for something when there is an easier way to pass it off?

Whatever. It is all momentary and I know I will be over it. I just don't like being this way because I am completely unproductive. Worst of all, I don't even do something fun while being unproductive. What's the bloody point then? The dullness outside reflects my mood too. I wonder if that's a sign.

I just talked to dad and as always he could tell within the first 2 syllables I spoke that I was down over something. Unfortunately, while my dad can pick up on that he still believes there has to be a valid reason for it. All these years and he apparently still doesnt quite understand my random lowness and apparently doesnt quite buy the hormone theory (excuse?). Which makes me wonder, will 'he', the-one-without-a-blog-nickname (yes i still haven't thought of a clever one) when faced with my random lowness also wonder about the reason or will he buy the theory or just assume that I am a moody annoying little something-something that must be left alone? haha...

Well thankfully such times have not come about yet...though no doubt they will. When things are so beautiful I shudder to think about the times that they wont be so. About happier things - yesterday was a lovely day. A valentines day made beautiful by a lovely lovely man who sadly is far away. But the beautiful flowers in front of me do remind me of him and the fact that in 5 days I will see him again. And that I'm sure will be one mood uplifter. Hormones or not.

Happy V Day!

2009-02-14T10:43:00.003-06:00

Not that I'm a huge believer in Valentines day since every day is a celebration of love (God, could I be any more corny?)...but well it's a beautiful day outside and my heart is filled with love for everyone in my life. And I am just so thankful for all those people...

So to my lovely friends who read my random blabber, my darling dad (who i know reads this) and to my sweetheart...

Thank u for being part of my life :)

Freedom, Secularism and....Violence?

2009-02-11T07:06:00.004-06:00

I'm always been proud to be Indian and proud to be Hindu. This is a horrible way to start a post but just hear me out. Being Indian defines secularism to me and being Hindu speaks for freedom. People have often asked me what it means to be hindu. And I usually have no answer - because there is no 'way' for someone to be hindu. You are born that way and remain so. There are no set rituals that one must follow to be a practicing hindu and as far as I know (though I am no expert on the religion) there are no rules that God wrote apart from perhaps to be a good human being. Who then is the Sri Ram Sena and who made them God's Army as they call themselves? The only time Rama had a Sena was to fight evil - what evil is this sena fighting? They say they are trying to save indian and hindu culture but who gave them that job? They say they are doing what God would have wanted. But if their belief in God is so strong then why not let God do His own work. If God believes something is wrong He will do something about it. Why fulfill your disgusting agenda in the name of Ram?

What is Indian and Hindu culture anyway? I always thought it is about the freedom to be yourself and being able to respect everyone, no matter what their beliefs. We live in a democracy - why then are these random men, the self-proclaimed Rama's Army, going into bars and beating women? Apparently these women by drinking are not following Indian culture - so is it indian culture to beat women? I don't drink, I don't smoke - so I'm the last person in the world who will justify either. But I believe in freedom. Freedom to make choices, freedom to do what you want. How is it that such behavior is allowed in our free and secular country?

And now the threat around Valentine's Day. Sure it is something that has been imported from the west but why does that make it bad? Who are the Sri Ram Sena to dictate what is good and bad? They threaten that any boy and girl caught on a date will be taken to their parents and/or forced to be married. Or perhaps just beaten like the poor girls in Mangalore were. Why? What is so wrong about the day and so what if it is something that was brought in from the west? If we started to reject everything western in India wouldnt we still be stuck in the 18th century? What about the car that Pramod Muthalik sits in when going to make these ridiculous speeches and the phone he uses when making his threats? Wasn't at least part of that technology brought in from somewhere else? What do they expect? Of course things are going to be brought in from the west.

But forget the west. What is it about Valentines Day that bothers them so? That girls and guys shouldnt be talking to each other, shouldnt date, shouldnt be in love? Isn't the oldest love story I have heard of - that of Radha and Krishna - part of hindu culture? How many stories have we heard of them meeting as teenagers? Don't get me wrong - I am not trying to be derogatory here. All I am trying to say is that to love and be in love is part of hindu culture. Just because a certain 'day' was brought in from the west, does not make the idea of two people being in love western.

When I hear of these things I get scared. To ban women from going into a bar. To dictate to women what they must wear. To scare women away from talking to another male (in a society where men and women are now viewed as equal). Isn't it how it all started in Afghanistan? I am not trying to say that the Sri Ram Sena is the Taliban - but what makes them different? Thankfully India is a democracy and will always remain so but isn't the thought scary?

When India is progressing so fast and the whole world's eyes are on it, what impact do stories like these have on the west?

All that apart, what I care most about is freedom. The freedom to love. The freedom to be. The freedom to live. And I love this new campaign - http://www.thepinkchaddicampaign.blogspot.com/ .

Happy New Year (though a tad late!!)

2009-01-21T23:28:00.003-06:00

Just read a blog post from a friend describing her end of 2008 and beginning of 2009, which for her was very eventful (though not in a good way)...Ashanka, if you're reading this I'm sorry it wasn't a great start but I hope the rest of your year is just the way you envision it...at a great business school filled with wonderful experiences and new friends. And I hope I get to read loads more posts from you because you always make me laugh. And Amrit...your blog too says that your start wasnt great, but I hope this year brings something new and amazing for you..soon you will be dr prasad and i hope everything beyond that is what you dream of and more. And again, I hope I read heaps more from you, because you always make me think. So Happy New Year you two...

So what about my year? What was 2008 like for me and what will 2009 be like. Out of curiosity I went back and checked what my 'happy new year' posts for the last two years have been. 2007 doesnt have one, but well the start of 2007 wasn't the greatest of starts for me. As for 2008 I apparently had a lot of hopes. In my flippancy I asked for 'a dream job, a dream man and to be famous'. Well I suppose two out of three ain't bad (though I'm not sure it's quite my dream job but it's one i'm excited about nevertheless). And on a more serious note I asked for peace and happiness for my family and friends. Well I hope that was true...and if they didnt get everything they hoped for, I hope this year brings a lot more for them. Because without them I'd be nothing. And I also hope it brings peace and happiness to the ONE whose appearance meant one of my wishes got fulfilled...because he has brought so much of it into my life :)
Speaking of which I must must come up with a nickname when I talk of HIM in my blog (I love the way two of my friends called their 'ones' 'The Loved One' and 'MOTH'(Man-Of-The-House) in their blogs. Note to self: come up with clever but cute phrase to refer to HIM)

2008 was interesting for sure. The beginning (including all the successes and the disappointments) to the end (spending it in my lovely Auckland with my family and closest friends). I learnt a lot about myself and the world...and really started to see things in a new light. For starters I turned 25 which I thought would be the turning for me - the age that I'd finally grow up and mature. Well, that didn't quite happen because I decided 26 would be a more appropriate year for that. Thus I have given myself another year to be a child (well as of now only 4 months of that is left so I wonder if 27 has a nicer ring to it?). Gosh! Turning 26. Now that sounds like a bit of a drag to me. It definitely is on the wrong (or well, the 'mature') side of 25 and well does that mean I will then be in my 'late' 20s. And is a girl (oops...should I call myself a woman) in her late 20s allowed to be silly and idiotic as I tend to be? Well I suppose 26 is still MID 20s but then I also suppose a girl (ahem! i mean woman) in her mid-20s is technically grown up too? Sigh.

Well the debate of me growing up can go on forever and the good thing is that the yet-to-be-nicknamed-one has been warned about the existence of a child within me that must be taken care of and nurtured and hopefully he is not put off by the daunting task ahead! So what do I want out of 2009 then? Nothing really because I think I have everything I could have asked for. And so much more. To the extent that the only thing that is potentially wrong with my life is that sometimes I live in the fear of having too much luck and it all being taken away from me. *shudder*. But beyond that I ask for the same thing as I did last year (minus the dream job and man). Peace and happiness for all those I love and care about.

No hablo Espanol

2009-01-21T23:07:00.003-06:00

I've tried to write about the places I've visited in the past couple of years but in my laziness and also taking into consideration all that has happened in the past few months I skipped my week in Spain over Thanksgiving. I hope I can still remember enough to write about it...but I will write what I can.

The trip started in Barcelona where within an hour of getting there I struggled with not understanding any Spanish. Funnily enough the first person to speak to me in Barcelona spoke to me in Hindi. Us desis get everywhere!! Seeing me lost at the taxi stand (he was the guy who directed people to taxis not some random desi looking to dupe me) with my address printed on google maps, he directed me to a taxi. The taxi driver gave a ridiculously high quote (well a lot higher than my friend who lived in BCN had told me it would be) but at that time of night who was I to complain? So there I was in the taxi with the taxi driver asking me to enter the street name into his GPS and talking away in Spanish. I DONT UNDERSTAND I said but he kept going on and on. After about 20 mins in the taxi and him not finding the street on the GPS I finally remembered - global roaming! Yay for AT&T that my phone worked! And that $5 or whatever that I paid to call my friend - every cent was worth it! Apparently the map had the wrong address - in another town outside Barcelona!! Phew! close call.

Thankfully that was the only time that I really had trouble but that was because I was with a friend who spoke fluent Spanish. Note to self: Next time spend some money and get a phrasebook along with that Lonely Planet! Got to the apartment that my friend rented and waited for the arrival of my two favourite cousins. And then went out to the latest dinner I've had in my life - at midnight! Couldnt believe that there were restaurants open! Tapas!! Yay! I love Tapas and I really had my fill (though having pledged to be vegetarian for a couple of months meant a lot of potatoes!).

The next day started with a walk around Barcelona - down La Rambla and up to the waterfront. Saw some amazing architecture, heard great street bands and ate awesome food. What more could I really have asked for. Not to mention a man dressed like Edward Scissorhands that scared the hell out of me! The night was reserved for a taste of the famed Barcelona night life. Which I have to say started well into the night and ended early morning (that too on my insistence!). Apparently there are clubs that will even stay up till 7am - but 4 was about ALL I could pull off. The next day was a tour of the city to see the whimsical fantasies of Antoni Gaudi. I dont think I have ever seen a park such as the Parc Guell or a church such as the Sagrada Familia. The park felt like something out of a fairytale and I cant imagine what the man who designed it must have been like in real life. Everyone has an imagination but to transform that into reality is something else! As for the Sagrada Familia it truly is the most unique church I have ever seen. I do wonder what it will look like when it is finished but at the same time wonder IF it will ever be finished - having been in construction for well over a 100 years. Perhaps the scaffolding adds to the charm of the place?

More time was spent just exploring the streets and the food of Barcelona and it truly is a beautiful city. However, the city that really surprised me was the next one - Sevilla. The European cities I had visited before (Paris, Rome, Madrid, Istanbul, Barcelona, London) have been big touristy ones and well I always knew what to expect. With Sevilla I didn't. And it truly felt like I was transported back in time. Particularly the part of the town our hotel was in. Narrow cobblestoned streets, quaint restaurants and laidback smiling locals - it truly personified my romanticized version of Europe. We hardly did anything in Sevilla apart from visiting a couple of famous structures (the Alcazar and the cathedral) which were beautiful in themselves. But it was just walking around the city, sitting in cafes which I really loved. That to me is a true holiday. Experiencing it like it truly should be. And I don't think I'll ever forget those two days in Sevilla.

Or my week in Spain for that matter. Here's to my second visit there...and I hope there will be more to come!

The dilemma of a 2nd year business school student

2009-01-21T11:47:00.002-06:00

I am sure every second year goes through this - to study or not to study. Do grades really matter? No, not really. But I am here to learn. So perhaps I do need to study. Why then doe motivation levels go so low sometimes. Why then does it feel like half the school is ready to check out mentally. Business school is a funny thing. You spend your first two quarters looking for an internship. Then the third quarter recovering from that stress. Then spend the first quarter of 2nd year looking for a job once more. And then using the last two quarters to do nothing with the excuse that this really is your last chance in life to do nothing.

Pray, when then do we really learn? Is learning just a by-product of being in business school?

Corny post alert!

2009-01-21T11:26:00.002-06:00

Warning: This blog is not meant for the hard-hearted. It contains super cheesy romantic crap that most people cannot handle. So if cheesiness causes you nausea, please do not read any further.

Dont say I didnt warn you!

Quote from the last post:
While it isn't quite the 'he-looked-into-my-eyes-and-swept-me-off-my-feet', I never really expected that anyway (except during my 16 year old DDLJ fantasies!).

Perhaps I lied. Or perhaps I didnt know that the DDLJ fantasies were not all gone (Speaking of which DDLJ was watched with the aforementioned 'HE', albeit with subtitles!!). So Yes. Sweeping off the feet is complete. And here I am floating on cloud nine! Who knew he had it in him? Who knew any guy outside a Bollywood movie had it in them to say such amazing things that in a day I felt like the world had changed. I can see people reading this and wanting to either slap me or throw up...cause well if I was reading this somewhere else I'd probably want to do the same. But I dont care! MY BLOG! MY WORDS! MY WISH!

I mean yeah I have always been a complete romantic but I never thought I'd be talking like this!! Out in the public domain - when usually I think someone being all dramatic and declaring their feelings in public is all a bit of a show. Yes I am a hypocrite. But this isn't quite public is it? Ok fine. I agree. I'm a hypocrite. And an even bigger one at that cause I claim to hate hypocrites. Ah 'tis a vicious cycle!

So there's a hindi song I love:
Ek Din aap yoon humko mil jayenge, phool hi phool rahon mein khil jayenge, maine socha na tha. Ek din zindagi itni hogi haseen, jhoomega aasman gaayegi yeh zameen maine socha na tha.
Well it pretty much sums up how I feel right now!
I would have translated the song for HIS benefit...but well I dont know if it will come out quite right in English...or perhaps it's a challenge to find the translation :)

What more can I really say. Apart from thinking Wow. And going back to dreaming :)

Random rantings...the quest to defeat writer's block

2009-01-11T21:39:00.003-06:00

Well, I'm not really much of writer - more a blabberer but I suppose Blabberer's Block doesnt quite have the same effect. It feels like a long long time since I've written anything here - probably cause it has been. I can't decide if it was because I didnt know what to write about or there was so much in my head that I didn't know where to start.

A lot is happening. Changes in life. It feels like it's time to grow up and I'm not sure I'm quite ready yet. The idea that in 5 months school will be over is a sad thought. Two years and now I just have 5 months left. And the rate that time is going by those will be over before I know it. And then it is time to go into the grown up world. A world which I haven't been quite a part of yet. Sure I worked for a couple of years between college and b-school but even then I was comfortably at home in the protected bubble that my parents had made for me. And then I came into the bubble that is business school. Now to be away from all that is there to shield me from the world what is to happen now? What if I suddenly discover that I'm not quite ready to be an adult? Well I suppose I dont have to be one completely - no matter how much I grow up I think there will be one part of me that will continue to be a child. But the idea of taking care of everything on my own, not having my dear dad to take care of anything that I might screw up, having to think about everything myself and not having the safety net, taking care of myself and perhaps later taking care of someone else? Am I really ready?

And then there's more. The change that is happening now. That has been happening in the past few months. It is amazing how one person can make everything different. The way you look at life, the way you think about things, the way you think about yourself. I've met people, I've thought about relationships but sometimes someone makes it feel right. While it isn't quite the 'he-looked-into-my-eyes-and-swept-me-off-my-feet', I never really expected that anyway (except during my 16 year old DDLJ fantasies!). But a smile that offers you comfort, a voice that makes you feel warm. Isn't that what it's really about? Well I guess I don't know yet but I am happy.

At the same time it can be scary. Life is beautiful yet so full of challenges. Am I ready to face them? A relationship now means so much - commitment and yet a lot of responsibility too. Am I ready for that? I suddenly feel the need to grow up. I know I can do it but I know it'll take time. Will life and he have the patience to give me that time? There's so much to learn and so much to think of. It's overwhelming yet beautiful all at once. There is still a long way to go but something in me looks forward to that journey.

So I ask myself - is everything right? When subconsciously I included a third person (after my mum and dad) in my prayers a few days ago...I started to think - something must be right.

Known Turf: The incomprehensible and the uncomprehending

2008-12-03T09:44:00.000-06:00

This piece is so powerful and really touched me...I had to share it...

Known Turf: The incomprehensible and the uncomprehending

Did they really say that?!

2008-12-02T10:49:00.001-06:00

So many people dead and injured, a whole nation shocked and confused, yet politicians and others alike are falling over each other to give sound bites and gain leverage. Shivraj Patil resigned and though I agree it that it was too late, was it really necessary for the BJP to point that out a day after all this had happened? Was it so difficult for Advani to put aside petty politics for once and actually show a united front along with the congress because isn't fighting terrorism beyond trying to get into power and all that? Enough has been written already about Vilasrao Deshmukh and Ramgopal Varma so what more can I say except even if it was a 'coincidence' as they claim how insensitive can people really get? What about RR Patil with his 'bade bade deshon mein choti choti baatein' comment? Do people really think before they speak? Just heard another sound bite from Muqtar Naqvi that women in lipsticks think they have a right to hold protests or something ridiculous like that. Oh and the worst of all the CM of Kerala saying if it hadn't been for Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan not even a dog would have looked at that house. Seriously?! Do people even have half a brain? And obviously these are just some. Oh wait. I forgot the piece de resistance - Raj Thackrey apparently said that one of the reasons there was so much chaos in Mumbai was because Mumbai is overcrowded due to all the north indians living there!!! That has to be the ultimate. And this just when I was wondering where he had disappeared through all this. Absolutely disgusting.

'Tis a Charmed Life

2008-11-06T16:39:00.005-06:00

A letter arrived at my door...It required my signature...which it got...and now the letter is in the mailbox

and wheeeeee just like that i'm officially employed!

what a strange feeling.

now i know where i will be for at least the next two years of my life

the last few days since i heard life has felt a little unreal...i meant it's not like i didnt expect to get a job...i just didnt expect it to happen so soon..

the funniest thing is it was where i didnt expect...and also the place that i now realize i fit the most into. lovely people. lovely company. and lovely happy me!

my life continues to be a series of happy coincidences

and hence i maintain - 'tis a charmed life!

Victory for some, loss for others

2008-11-05T11:40:00.004-06:00

I am in Chicago in the middle of all the celebration. It was an incredible victory last night and to call Obama's speech moving is an understatement. It really does go to show that people CAN look beyond differences and look at what a person is really about. But then so much has been written about Obama's amazing victory that I can't add too much. I am happy, I am excited, I am ecstatic. And I hope Obama lives up to his promise cause there really is a long road ahead. I am also scared about how people will react. Already I read blogs about people being scared at the possibility of Obama being president - they are scared because of the allegations that were made all through the campain and shows why personal attacks are such a bad idea. Because at the end of the day one will win and one will lose, and the supporters of the one who lost will continue to believe the lies and attacks made on the one who lost. And will forever doubt. How then must one have a united country? But I hope Obama will face this with the same grace that he has faced everything else.

So the loss...well there is the loss for the McCain supporters and seeing him give his speech last night I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He truly is a great man who has done a lot for his country. And until the arrival of a certain Ms Palin I think I was neutral between Obama and him. But the very idea of her in the whitehouse is enough to give me nightmare. Nevertheless I do feel sorry for McCain.

But that is not the loss I am talking about. I am talking about California. I am going to be moving to California at the end of my school and I've heard great things. So liberal. So open-minded. So everything. And yet what a terrible loss for California. Perhaps the nation's most progressive state and here's such a regressive decision. Prop 8. How could it have passed when it is about basic human rights. While the nation has shown that there will be no differentiation made towards those of color why then this discrimination? While the nation has elected an african american man to the nation's (and arguably the world's) highest post why then are people being denied rights just because they are different. I am upset. I am saddened. If California can vote to ban gay marriage what of all the other states and nations fighting to have it passed. While a leap has been made for civil rights, I think this is a huge leap backwards. How could these two have happened on the same day. It is really really sad. And I pray that there is a way out and things can change again. Oh and am I gay? No. But I am a human being.

Best. Video. EVER

2008-10-22T01:35:00.001-05:00

just didn't see the punchline coming

absolutely BRILLIANT!!

My biggest strength

2008-10-19T14:02:00.003-05:00

Yup I have discovered it! After years of searching I now know exactly what I'm good at. Perhaps it is what I am here for. My purpose of existance.

Yes I know I have got your attention (all 3 of you that ever would read this post that is) - *drum roll please* - procrastination!

Yup that's it. Why else would i be sitting here just 2 days before some of the biggest days of my life.

No once again not getting married - I'm all about the interviews right now though the matrimonials too are apparently being searched in the background or so I'm told - hey apparently it's about optimizing the process to make sure everything is taken care of - the career and the personal life. Lest I end up an unemployed old maid (I was just talking about this to a friend yesterday - with her wondering what the possibility of her ending up a 'bachelorette' for the rest of her life is - uhuh I said - the word would be SPINSTER. uggh! what an ugly word! why is it the word bachelor brings up the image of a good looking eligible guy that girls would be falling all over and the word spinster brings to mind an old lady with cats. *sigh* such are the ways of the world!

Oh I have digressed...what was my point in this post again - oh yes - procrastination. It is amazing how small an attention span I have. Started on one thing and going on about something entirely different. There I go again! Crap this is a bad sign with all these consulting 'case' interviews coming up where the number 1 tip is to not blabber on and keep referring to the central question. Fantastic job I am doing at that!

ANYWAY so where was I? Yes. Procrastination. Hmmm I really don't remember what I was going to say about procrastination but I promise I had all these witty lines all made up in my mind. I did I did! I swear!

I suppose instead of complaining about this I better go work on preparing for those damn interviews. So yes. Big week coming up. Good luck me!!!

I feel a change in the air...

2008-10-15T09:25:00.003-05:00

Big days coming up next week (no no i'm not getting married or anything like that) - all the interviews lined up including a couple that I have my heart set on. I just hope I dont take either of them for granted and also with the possibility that it doesnt go well and I dont get through I dont end up too disappointed. Either way in a few days all will be clear

So technically I should be stressing out but I suddenly feel very calm. Like nothing could really get to me. Strange cause just 2 days ago I was so agitated and easily irritated at the smallest of things (not to mention a couple of people that totally annoyed me). Throw a couple of other disappointments in there. And technically I expected to be ready to explode sometime this week.

But nope. Here I am not really worried about anything. Things will happen as they have to. I will get a job at some point. And since I know there is someone out there watching over me I will get the one that is right to me (and perhaps I just don't know what is right for me). How could I not believe this after what happened in the summer. The job I ended up getting (and accepting) was great no doubt and gave me really interesting experience. But the main thing that it lead to was invaluable. The job took me on a week's trip to India. Where I met my grandfather. Just 1 week before he was admitted to the hospital. And 3 weeks before he passed away. I saw him one last time while he was still healthy and that to me was more than a coincidence. Everytime I think of this my faith that everything happens for a reason gets reaffirmed. How do you put a value on seeing your grandfather one last time? And there is no way that would have happened had I not taken that job. Sometimes it really is best to wait for the reason to happen when you can't understand life.

I still can't believe he is gone. Though I try to think of him only through my happy memories from childhood. He was an amazing man and I have such great memories of him. Of him pushing me into the deep end of the pool practically when I refused to learn to swim - and him being the reason I now am obsessed with water and swimming! Of him bringing home some goodies or the other every time he went to the 'club' with his friends. Of him telling all his friends proudly about how well his granddaughter studies!! I don't want to get sad thinking of him cause he led a full life and he was someone who liked to make the people around him smile so I don't think he would want me to be sad about him. I only pray for my grandma.

But anyway sadness and my tata were not meant to be the topic of this post.

I really do feel a change about me. Things I was getting stressed about are starting to stress me less - the finding of a job and the pressure from family regarding guys (particularly when other people call my parents recommending guys to introduce me to). I know both will sort themselves out as best as they can. I can only try my best and leave the rest to God. I'm talking about finding a job here! As for the guy thing a close friend recently got engaged (and met her better half through the parental-set-up process) and she seems so happy. Plus talking to her made me feel better cause i realized i wasn't the only one who goes through these emotions of being scared, getting disappointed, not knowing what I want through the whole process. But she said meeting THE guy made her not so scared anymore. And she knew it was right. So perhaps I too will know when it is right.

Either way a change is definitely in the air. And I am happy

I hope I remain that way through the next few weeks of the job hunt...and then beyond! :)

B-school is such a roller coaster

2008-10-07T07:23:00.003-05:00

There are times when I wonder why I am even here - especially now! Could there be a worse time to be graduating from business school when all anyone ever seems to talk about is the market going down. Companies aren't hiring as much, everyone from the finance world seems to be everywhere else and just in general noone knows what's going on. I even considered the possibility of doing another degree just to get through this wave. Anyway i guess my bank can't really handle that.

But then at the same time I go to classes with such amazing professors that it seems to make up for it. This is the first quarter that I love every class I am in and everytime I'm in the class (particularly in Intl Finance) I wonder how I am so fortunate to be listening to these people!

I do love business school and every aspect of it. The people, the classes, the activities. It's just recruiting that I dont get. Why does it have to be so early. I feel particularly bad for the first years who just got here and already need to figure out what they want to do with their life. The part about experimenting during your internship I'm not so sure about - I did that and look at me - here I am having to go through this process once again. Perhaps it would have been easier if I had taken up something that I knew would convert into a full time thing. But then there is no point having regrets so I shall not.

The thing I hate most about recruiting is what it does to the atmosphere of the place - people seem quieter, there seems to always be something on their minds (and I am guilty of this too - someone just asked me the other day if there's always a lot on my mind because i look lost all the time!!). And it's scary cause last year I saw people in a way that I hadn't before - apparently parts of their personality were well hidden during normal times but came out in full force once recruiting started. Thus I've decided to keep away from school as much as possible - apart from the classes and meetings I just like to be home and it is so much more peaceful.

It has helped in the last few days to have my mum here so it at least puts things in perspective for me. I remain calm because after spending time with my mum I realize that it's not the end of the world if I don't get THE job. I have a lot better things in life to care about. Hopefully I can maintain that attitude once she's gone later this week.

omg i won i won!

2008-10-07T07:11:00.003-05:00

:D

Thank you Ashanka and Amrit for giving me a blog award...i am honored to say the least

And how I have to pick people to give it to as well

Well the first two I'd pick are you two...

Amrita's is the one who got me into blogging and here I am 2 years later...her's is the one blog that I have read from day one and will always continue to - it's a great way for me to keep up with her life now that i'm so many miles away...and i love reading her opinion about random aspects of life

Ashanka's blog I discovered just a few months ago through Amrita - and she always manages to make me laugh just through talking about daily life - and that's a brilliant gift!

Also sending it through to a few more blogs that I read on a regular basis

A reporter's diary - Alaphia being a professional of course is in a class of her own...and i really enjoy reading her reports

Bollywood fashion police - that's my guilty pleasure - who doesn't want to look at pictures of celebrities and their fashion faux pas (and the good clothes too of course) - ok maybe everyone doesn't...but well i do!!

Archit's blog I discovered through a common friend way back when I was still in NZ...and it is a testament to how small the world is that I am now in b-school with him!! Anyway just a quirky fun blog with some great insights

India TV Ads - I love indian adverts - and here's a great place to check them out!

Some amazing people who don't exist

2008-09-16T21:25:00.004-05:00

A new tag from Amrit - my 10 favourite literary characters...pretty challenging one this for me...Just because I read so bloody much...anyway here goes nothing and I am certain I will be second guessing myself the minute I press that 'publish post' button

1) Aslan - I had to start with my favourite character growing up. The Chronicles of Narnia were my favourite books for a very long time and I loved the character of Aslan. So powerful yet so gentle. So wise yet so mysterious. With an aura that makes everyone love him yet be scared at the same time.

2) Othello - This is one that will forever remain on my list. There is something about this play that makes it my absolute favourite - and this coming from a die hard shakespeare fan says a lot. It's such a tragic story yet I can read it any number of times - and the character of Othello - I want to hate him for he killed his true love, yet I can't help but sympathize. "I kissed thee ere I killed thee. No way but this. Killing myself to die upon a kiss"

3) Karna - Since the Mahabharata is a book I think I can include this here can't I? The best character in the Mahabharata for me - and the only completely honourable one.

4) Josephine March - I can't remember the number of times I have read Little Women and I remember stopping and wondering about being Jo. What a girl...! Though I'm not sure I would have the courage and compassion to make the decisions she did...

5) Elizabeth Bennett - I think when I was in my teens I constantly lived with a hope the world around me would be that of Jane Austen's books. And what better book than Pride and Prejudice and who better to be than Elizabeth Bennett. So full of life, so simple yet complex.

6) Hector - While the world talks about Odysseus and Achilles, the character of Hector to me is the real hero. A great warrior who gave up his life in the war he thought unnecessary.

7) Connor Fitzgerald/Florentyna Kane - I thought at least one character from my favourite author has to be in this list and I can't for the life of me decide which one I like best. Both just amazing characters. Connor is probably the most honourable of any modern characters I can think of - there is something about men that are patriotic and serve their country that i really admire. As for Florentyna Kane - she is the ultimate heroine to me - amazing aspirations which she finally achieves, yet so grounded into her personal life - and with such a beautiful love story too.

8) Ebenezer Scrooge/Miss Havisham - I've always found Dickens' characters fascinating - particularly the ones you want to hate - yet you know there is something else there. I again couldn't pick between these two.

9) Gerry and Holly Kennedy - This is from one of my most recent reads - PS I Love You. I don't know how long it will actually remain on my top 10 - its just that I read the book only a few days ago and as of now am enamored by these characters. I am not usually one for romantic novels but the way these characters are portrayed and the love between them is absolutely beautiful. I kept going back to parts of the book and rereading just because I couldnt let them go. I would have said just Gerry - but it feels so wrong because they should be together - if only in this list.

10) Severus Snape - This one will seem odd to many but I couldn't not put this in because I spent most of the latter half of the series really believing that there was something truly intriguing and inherently good about him. I remember arguing with all and sundry between the release of the 6th and 7th books that Snape was the good guy. And I cried in the 7th book when his past is revealed...and when his character comes to an end. For some reason, I think he is my favourite character of the Harry Potter series.

phew! done

ok i'm pressing publish before i start thinking about this too hard!

I pass the tag on to whoever wants to do it! :)

Lovely Lovely Halong Bay

2008-09-15T04:39:00.004-05:00

I can't stop thinking of this place...it was so incredible. So just to relive the memories - some pictures - during the afternoon, night and early morning

*sigh*

unfortunately my photos dont do justice...

I left with great looking feet and a happy tummy - Kuala Lumpur

2008-09-09T07:29:00.001-05:00

Following a trip to Vietnam was my two day stopover in Kuala Lumpur where I had two lovely hosts - a friend from New Zealand and his total sweetheart wife. My trip started with a slight glitch - with a delayed flight - but everything was smooth from there - owe that completely to my hosts!

The first morning I was told that I was going to be taken to a fish spa - what's that you say? So apparently many years ago in some country (I forget where now) someone discovered (I would really like to know how this discovery was made!) that there were certain species of fish that feed on dead skin. So the concept of this spa is you put in your feet and legs (knee down) into a tank of water and the fish will come and eat at your dead skin. Yes I know - scary thought. But then - must try everything once right (that concept should have been thrown out of the window after the Turkish Bath experience!). So I started with the tank with the small fish - I tried not to look down first but when I did I was freaked out - more than a dozen little fish on my feet nibbling!! My friend then went to another tank which had fish up to the size of my palm - there was no way I would try that - apparently women aren't allowed to put their feet in that one more than a minute or two because of sensitive skin. On being dared I put it in for 5 or 10 seconds but no more! Went straight back to my small fish - and sat there for the rest of the half hour without looking down. It wasn't too bad then - just felt like my feet were tingling and vibrating. I have to say the feet did feel really nice after!

Following this very umm interesting experience we went to a local eatery (apparently called kopi shops) and followed up with some shopping. I managed to stick to my resolution of not buying more than one or two pieces anywhere - I had even taken a very small bag on my trip to force that. It was hard but I did it - so proud of myself! Walked around town - saw the Petronas which are more standout in person than any photo I've seen. On to Chinatown for some more walking around and shopping. Oh and another food massage - foot reflexology apparently! I really did come out of KL with my feet in their best shape! Then an indian place for food - where you're served on banana leaves! I definitely ate more than my fair share!!

The next day we went to a place about an hour outside town where there are temples built into caves. So another thing I left KL with is some good Karma - does visiting temples give you good Karma btw? The temples were beautiful and very different from any I had seen. And right outside the caves was this HUGE HUGE statue of Lord Kumaraswamy. Also on the agenda was a tour into a dark cave - which is just that - a dark cave. But it was an interesting experience - for a little while we were told to turn off our flash lights and not make any sound just to experience what the creatures inside do. And wow I never knew such darkness existed.

My last evening was spent relaxing - and eating. And thus ended my short but memorable trip of KL. Again all thanks to my two wonderful hosts!

Yet another country, yet another story - Vietnam

2008-09-09T07:28:00.001-05:00

-- I wrote this a few days ago but couldn’t connect then to upload here, and then forgot about it till now --

As I sit here at Hanoi airport waiting for my delayed flight reflecting on the past week the song that plays on my mp3 player is so fitting - 'Yaaron'. Yaaron dosti badi haseen hai, yeh na ho to kya phir bolo zindagi hai. Truly what would life be without friendship. The past few days have been so much fun - great friends, great food and a great new country. What more could you want in a holiday? Except a few more days to stay and savour it. If only…

The trip started in Ho Chi Minh - quite an interesting city but probably not my favourite place in the world. The traffic, the noise, the craziness was possibly a little much for me. It might also be because I sometimes am in denial of the sadness and the pain that the world often sees through war and Ho Chi Minh reminded me of that. The war remnants museum while likely biased towards the Vietnamese was very powerful. The photos of people dying, a lifesize model of a jail cell, a guillotine that was used on thousands - the very idea that these were real people - it shook me. The museum was great no doubt but I'm not sure I could take more than a certain amount of time in there - we walked into the museum a chatty bunch posing in front of the tanks and being silly - but walked out quiet and completely overwhelmed. The day after brought on more reminders of war with a trip to the Cu Chi tunnels which were used by Vietnamese guerillas during the war and also by children and women to hide. We were shown traps and mechanisms used to kill people - all by a tour guide with the weirdest sense of humour (a guide who called himself Stifler - as in American Pie). Walking just 30m in the tunnels made me so claustrophobic - how must people have spent days in them? War causes so much suffering - why does it keep happening then? The most ironic part of the tour was that after two hours of seeing this and being reminded of how bad war is we were taken to a shooting range and told we could now use AK47s, machine guns etc. WTF?

Anyway, enough about the war. On a brighter note, Ho Chi Minh - and well all of Vietnam - had some of the most delicious food I've ever had. It felt like we created our itinerary around all the food we wanted to eat!! Oh not to mention a fantastic massage - that's my one must do every time I visit asia - even one in a great salon is so cheap!

On to Hanoi - a much nicer and slightly less busy city - though still busy and crowded enough to make me pray for my life every time I crossed the road. We spent our days in Vietnam just walking around and exploring the city. Really quaint architecture - where all the houses have really narrow fronts but are deep and tall (between 3 and 5 floors). I was explained the significance of this on my way to the airport - apparently the french started a property tax where they determined the tax to be paid based on how much of the street a house took up and thus the people started building houses which only took up 4.3 - 5m of the street by were deep and tall! While the tax doesn’t exist anymore culturally people have become used to this style of buildings. Even the countryside had houses which had tons of land yet the front was less than 5m! I loved walking around Hanoi - where our hotel was close to a beautiful lake and a great shopping area. Across the lake was a temple that had an amazing atmosphere of peace - really strange in such a bustling city. We just sat around the temple for nearly an hour taking it all in - especially after the craziness of Ho Chi Minh. Next to the temple was a theatre which all the guides told us we must visit - for the ancient art form of water puppetry. Hmmm…perhaps it is really amazing but well it isn't something I would say is a must see (sorry lonely planet!). Maybe I'm just not cultural enough!

The next day was by far the best day of our trip - Halong Bay. Truly the highlight of Vietnam and the one place I really want to come back - and perhaps I will one day with the husband (if and when there is one). After a long slow ride to Halong city we were taken on a little motor boat towards Halong Bay which seemed crowded with many so-called Junks all the time with me praying that the junk I had picked looked good since the girls had won against the guys on getting a luxury one. As we approached - not bad I thought. The rooms were nice - well it was my first time on an overnight cruise so it's hard for me to compare and it had 2 beautiful decks. Lunch in an hour we were told - and what a lunch it was. They said with these boats - well Junks - you get what you paid for - and apparently we had paid for a 7 course meal of without doubt the freshest seafood I have ever had. I am usually not a big fan of seafood - save some types of fish and prawns. I'm usually wary of crabs etc - thus was skeptical when a whole crab shell et al was put on my plate. But well, I would only be here once (well hopefully not) and got on with struggling with my crab - providing some great entertainment for the rest. As for the prawns - oh man! - if I could eat those for the rest of my life I'd be a happy girl. Following lunch we got on another small boat and were taken to some limestone caves. While I have seen many of those before nothing compared to this one - it was HUGE and absolutely magnificent. The strange thing however was the stall of food and drink right outside the cave. Oh and I forgot to mention the little rowboats all around the bay trying to sell the people on the boat junk food and BEER! Though I'm not sure how they would have got it up to us - maybe I should have bought something just to satisfy that curiosity. We then got into some kayaks - this time just the six of us on 3 kayaks plus on kayak to guide us (and make sure we came back alive I suppose). After half an hour on the kayak something hit me - I am actually here Kayaking in the famous Halong Bay as opposed to Mission Bay back home like every other time I've been in a Kayak. It was beautiful and it was a completely surreal experience. Back to the boat for yet another 7 course meal and then we went up to the deck - being a bit loud we had the top deck pretty much to ourselves and we just lay there looking at the sky which was filled with more stars than I've ever seen in my life. The next morning I got up to see the sunrise which unfortunately happened behind some islands but still the sight was again amazing - so calm so beautiful - I don’t know how many pictures I ended up clicking. After spending the rest of the morning on the boat - including another fabulous meal - we were put on our way back to Hanoi.

In Hanoi first on the agenda was to pick up a dress that I had ordered 2 days before - something I saw on the window but obviously with the size vietnamese women are - it was something I had to have remade in my size. I was scared as I hadn't had the opportunity to try it on but as soon as it went on - oh my God. Its definitely now my most beautiful dress - but unfortunately I will have to wait a while to wear it since it needs a fairly special occasion - but I think it'll be worth the wait!! After some more shopping and walking around the city and eating (of course!) - it was time to return. Which I did with a very heavy heart and a longing to spend more time - and see the Sapa Valley - or Hoi An - or the Perfume Pagoda. There are definitely more reasons to return. The one thing I would say to anyone going to vietnam is with limited time it might pay off to only go to Northern Vietnam - Hanoi, Halong Bay, Hoi An etc.

Anyway that's my account of Vietnam. And here I am at the airport waiting to fly to KL. Just been told that the flight will leave 4 and a half hours late! *Sigh*

Random (and really stoopid) thoughts....

2008-08-22T05:58:00.006-05:00

So I was looking at something random and came across a close up shot of Matthew McConaughey (wow I had to google his name to make sure i spelt it right) - and i was fascinated by his facial structure. Don't the jawline, the cheekbones just all spell perfection. Like Man the way he was meant to be? What must God have been thinking while sculpting this one?

And then coincidentally (i swear it was...i wasn't googling hot guys or anything) I came across the trailer of Dostana and it had my ultimate man - John Abraham. To me the best looking guy on any side of the world. And yes I admit I watched the trailer a few times (Poor Baby B gets totally overshadowed in my eye - just like he did in Dhoom2 next to DemiGod-like Hrithik). Now what was God thinking when he made John (or Hrithik for that matter)? Now that's one gift to women.

Why is it that some men (and women too I suppose) are made so perfect? Is it karma?

I have no idea why I'm even typing this crap here...but dang that boy is H-O-T

Of poverty and olympics

2008-08-19T20:32:00.003-05:00

Read an piece by Shobha De and couldnt help but comment

here's the article firstly:
Mera Bharat Kahan?

So I don't get it. What is the relevance and what is she trying to say again? I know I am not the sharpest cookie but seriously!

What does a girl selling a newspaper (no matter how impoverished) have to do with Abhinav Bindra winning a gold?

While a part of me does think that the medal has been made into a huge deal - in that it was a great achievement for Abhinav Bindra but not for India considering a country with a population such as ours should not end every olympics with just one medal ( though we managed to go from bronze to silver to gold), i think the article takes it two steps too far. How can she undermine his achievement? And sure he has a lot of money and thus why should the maharashtra chief minister give him more? But what of the encouragement this might provide to other aspiring youngsters and perhaps their parents who might then push their children's passion. And by saying he shouldnt be rewarded monetarily just because he already is wealthy is such a leftist mindset but coming from the source it is it is just so hypocritical - what of Ms De who herself is a big socialite? How often will she think of the little girl while she indulges in champagne and caviar later in the warmth of her own home?

And the little girl. How easy it is to make judgements. About her. About her parents. Sure they are poor and sure the child is working. But how easy it is to say that the girl will end up a prostitute and her parents will live off those earnings. It is not the family's fault that they are in that situation but perhaps they are trying to make the most of what they have - and maybe just maybe they won't find themselves in a situation where they will need to sell their daughter. Just because she is seen the street makes her a future prostitute? Sad must be the mind that sees the future in this light.

On and what of the line - "He won despite being an indian"
Sure India doesnt offer the same sort of infrastructure to aspiring sportspeople but is she trying to imply that he had to overcome the 'hurdle' of being Indian? What in the Lord's name?!

But I digress here. The article feels to me like it was written because Shobha De wanted to be cynical about the olympic medal and here she found her opportunity.

Who is Shobha De anyway? I've always though her over rated. A model, an editor (of Stardust mind you!), an author (questionable in my head since I could never read more than a few pages of her books whenever I attempted to) and social activist. What is a social activist though? One who sits on the wall and makes judgements and yells out the same nonsense over and over under the pretext of getting people to bring about change? How about for a moment trying to be part of that change instead?

What if Ms De instead of trying to create this 'intelligent' piece in her head while watching the girl had taken the same time to maybe help in some small way. What of the small chance that she may have been able to make a difference to one person - instead of pretending to change society itself?

How far can you push your quest for perfection?

2008-08-12T23:45:00.003-05:00

So the whole world and its uncle has heard the news that broke out today - the girl everyone saw and fell in love with at the Olympics opening ceremony was not just her but in fact two girls. The face. And the voice. To ensure that they had the 'perfect' representation of their country's image they chose to lie. Now I agree that there are many things that we see on tv that are not real. Hence I don't really say there is much wrong with the other fake stunt - of adding digital touches to some fireworks shown on tv. But the decision to use a different child's voice in the background is a blatant lie. While I agree that the world is filled with lies, haven't you by doing this taught a child that it is ok to lie? This when to all speak the truth is perhaps one of the biggest lessons any parent tries to teach their child. And what is even worse is that by doing this they are teaching children that it is ok to discriminate - based on looks or anything. Just because the girl with the amazing voice did not have the 'perfect' face she couldn't be put on tv. But this is a child!!! Aren't all children beautiful? Is it ok to tell a child she isn't pretty enough to be on tv? And another to pretend she is singing? Is it so important to be perfect that it justifies corrupting children? Is it worth the price?

What inspires me

2008-07-28T19:46:00.002-05:00

There are often stories in the papers about people who have succeeded in spite of an unfair hand dealt to them in life and they are all so inspiring. The one i read today made me cry - not because I felt sorry for this person but because I was amazed at his outlook towards life. He really seems to believe that things happen for a reason - and never talks about his disability being a burden. I'm inspired not just by his achievements against all odds but his attitude towards life. There are so many people who talk about what's wrong in life and never count their blessings. And here is someone who has the right to complain but has not a single negative word to say. If I could only be 0.5% the person he is.

http://specials.rediff.com/news/2008/jul/28sl1.htm

I am scared

2008-07-26T22:20:00.003-05:00

Two days. Two sets of blasts. The second one bigger than the first. And following the incidents in Jaipur not so long ago. And Hyderabad just last year. What is the world coming to? Why does it have to be this way? I believe in being positive always - but how can one continue to be when there is no peace in the world. If people have to step out of their house not knowing whether they will come back home - and not because of some random accident but by a deliberately planned plot not aimed at them but just anyone. All to make statements? And what is the statement that is being made? I am too much of a nobody to understand the politics behind all this but all I know is the more such things happen the more I wonder about the future. I am no doomsday conspiracy theorist (is that a term?) but it is just sad to see random people die. I know I shouldnt question God every time something bad happens in the world, but if he is the creator, the preserver and the destroyer - why does He let these things happen? Everything is part of a bigger plan but what is the bigger plan here. And where's the end to it all? The politicians talk about wars against terrorism and themselves partake in acts of violence just to give themselves and their subjects (yes i use that term deliberately because sometime I feel like the concept of democracy becomes optional to these people) a feeling of satisfaction that something is being done. And yet violence is everywhere. And while the chance of something happening to one person is very small - the point is it could happen to anyone. This is a very far off thought but is this the world I would some day want to bring a child into? I am scared.

I think I'm in love...

2008-07-26T20:47:00.003-05:00

with the idea of being in love. I am such an old fashioned girl when it comes to love and romance. Ever since I was 16 I've had fantasies of being swept off my feet. About being wined (umm well sparkling grape juiced in my case) and dined. Of red roses (though I do prefer yellow myself) and long walks. But seriously - there is something about being in love. The idea of someone in your life, someone who will take care of you, someone who is just there. Someone whose very thought would bring a smile to my face. Someone who I look forward to talking to or seeing at the end of every long day. I really miss that. When I see couples in love I couldn't be happier for them, but am left with a lingering thought of when I will find that one that I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong - while I dream of love - I'm not one to believe that we all have this 'one' person who is made for us.

I know there are many people out there that I can be equally happy with and I'm sure whoever I end up with will make me very happy. Until a few months ago the idea of arranged marriage scared me - part of it because how do I marry someone I haven't spent enough time with to really know. But I dont think that was the main reason. I truly believe that most people in this world are inherently good and I don't think I will end up with someone who I won't like. I do trust my parents - and I know that they will give me all the time in the world to make my choice. So why not give it a go. It's just one way to meet someone new right? So back to what it is about arranged marriages that I'm actually against - the thought that my dreams of so many years will remain unfulfilled. The idea of falling in love. The idea of romance. But then the silver lining I see behind every cloud says - why should I think I won't fall in love with said guy? And why would there not be romance in it. My mum and dad had an arranged marriage - they barely even knew each other when they were married - yet you would never know the way my dad behaves! So that's the one wish I do have - whoever that guy is - I hope he is the one I've been dreaming of. And whatever I did dream of does come true.

Actually I take that back. That would be wish number 2 for me (If God gave me three wishes). And what is the first wish I would ask for? That if there is such a thing as another life - that I be born to the same parents again. But more on that for another day.

Is this the news that people really read?

2008-07-18T05:53:00.005-05:00

Every time I open Samachar.com I am amazed at the headlines that they choose to display as their front line stories. Either it is about Bollywood actors or some bizarre thing that has happened in a remote part of the country that is just there to create sensationalism. I mean sure even I like my healthy dose of Bollywood gossip and these strange happenings need to be covered - but the headlines? Sify in particular just comes up with the weirdest things. Today's Sify headlines include - "Brit Blokes are the biggest bedroom liars" (sorry?), "Liquor fed chickens sell like hotcakes" (riiiight!), "Wanted: Urine donors for NASA's space lavatory" (HUH?).

But apparently I shouldn't blame the website. Guess what the most clicked-on story of the day from Samachar Top25 is? "Amrita Rao left red faced as her choli slips off"!!!!

I am in shock. Why would someone even write a story like that? Sure she is a Bollywood actress and they know that being part of the news (whether good or bad) comes with the package. But she is still a girl. What would have compelled a journalist to write something as embarrassing as that. I feel sorry for her. And apparently it is the most 'popular' article of today too. Disgusting!

Congratulations on flushing education down the toilet

2008-07-11T18:13:00.007-05:00

Read the following article and please for the love of God explain it to me

HRD orders faculty quota, IIT directors livid

I think it was sometime in the early '90s - I was 7 or 8 and I remember a group of college students broke into our school in protest. I have very vague memories of the incident but remember being told that it had something to do with reservations. It didn't make much sense to me then and a few years after that I moved out of the country thus never really felt the effect of reservation. But as I've grown older and seen how this phenomenon has spread I wonder where it will end.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for inclusive growth and I agree that in India perhaps the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting left behind. But the amount of reservations in the top institutions of India is shocking. Plus when it comes to inclusive growth shouldn't it be based on economic condition as opposed to caste. Yes now there is the whole 'creamy layer' thing but there are so many loopholes in there. Is it really fair that some people have to work so much harder to get into the same colleges just because of being born in an 'affluent' caste - where it could very well be that their parents in fact are not that affluent. Anyway, forget all that - that is an old topic that will never die down, but this article today makes my blood boil. Must affirmative action be carried so far that the education of the country's youth be jeopardized.

What is this new ruling if not that? To start a quota for backward classes in the faculty of the IITs? Could anything be stupider? The IITs have built such an incredible reputation for themselves of shaping some of the brightest minds in the country. People all over the world respect you for being an IITian. And what is a college if not for a great faculty? Is that possible when spots in the faculty (including tenured professors) are given out based on caste? FIFTY PERCENT OF THE FACULTY!!!

I am not saying that there are not great candidates for the roles from this group of people. But will it not be that the deserving ones will apply through the general slots (just like they do as students). And that means that half of the people who are supposed to train the future leaders of the country are not competent enough to do so. What sense does that make?

Explain this to me. I understand that spots are created in undergraduate classes for the underprivileged as they have not had access to the same resources (at the same time I reiterate that these should be based on your economic condition). I then question why there must be reservations in graduate degrees - haven't both X (from a scheduled caste) and Y (from a non scheduled caste) been given access to the same education thus giving them the ability to compete on even ground. But no. Here too X must be given an advantage for whatever reason. Ok I will let that go too. Here's the big question pertaining to the faculty. X got into an IIT thanks to reservation and did ok but not enough to get into a graduate degree on his own merit. Thus X once again applies to get a further education once again through a quota.

At this point X has had 8 years of education with the same 'privileges' that Y did (while Y perhaps had to work that little bit harder to do well enough to get into that graduate degree based only his academics). How then does it make sense that X must be given priority for a faculty position? In these 8 years any difference between X and Y has been wiped out hasn't it? Aren't they at least now equal and shouldn't they be treated equally? In the name of affirmative action, why must Y suffer? What has he done that is so wrong? Will it be that some time in the future Y's children and grandchildren will need the quota because Y lost so many opportunities thanks to reservation? Or is it then surprising that Y decides to give up on the country altogether and leave?

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - If only...

2008-07-08T19:49:00.004-05:00

Every once in a while I watch a movie where I wish I was the character in it. No it doesn't happen in superhero movies. I have no fantasy of flying or saving the world (though come to think of it, it doesn't sound like a bad idea). That feeling usually comes in cute love stories - though not all of them. I always feel that way when watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. If I could choose a love story for myself it would be that one. The movie I watched this weekend gave me the same feeling. It was the perfect story - best friends who discover that they have been in love all along. What could be nicer than falling in love with your closest friend. That's always been my dream since I was a child. Yes I admit it - I was the typical girl who dreamed of love since very young :)

Back to the movie - there is a certain freshness about it that really puts a smile on your face - even though there is nothing new to the story and the climax in particular is oh-so-cliched! Yet that cliche seems adorable here. All thanks to the simple script and the amazingly natural acting by the whole cast. Imran Khan makes a fantastic debut - he could pass off as Aamir Khan's son with that same cheeky smile, a smile that is conveyed even through the eyes! Genelia has long been one of my favourites - especially after watching Bommarillu (there's another movie I would love to be a part of!) - there's something about her - she becomes the character and you never for a moment think it is a movie. Everyone is the movie was splendid - I especially loved loved loved the scenes between Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak - great chemistry there!! And I have to mention the guy who plays Genelia's brother - who I later found out is Smita Patil's son Prateik - he is around in just a few scenes - but absolutely fantastic! My favourite two scenes in the movie are those between Genelia and him - first when he confesses he misses her and second when he tells her she is stupid to think of marrying anyone else.

The story of the movie is very simple - two people who have known each other forever refuse to acknowledge that their feelings for each other are anything but platonic. And to prove it to the world, they find each other perfect partners. Only to discover that they can't stand the thought of someone else being closer to their friend. So perhaps friendship is love and love is friendship?

But whether you believe it or not, to everyone I would say - go watch the movie!! And while you're at it - find me a Jai Singh Rathore :)

Kabhi kabhi aditi zindagi mein koi apna lagta hai....

what's going on?

2008-07-08T19:43:00.005-05:00

I must be a crazy one for thinking this but is it so wrong to refuse to drink and not have a reason for it? Why do I find myself constantly in a position of having to explain why i DONT drink? While friends I grew up with accepted this from the very beginning moving to the US was another story altogether. People sometimes thought I was acting pricey and sometimes thought I was trying to put them down for drinking. But I never have - I don't care who drinks and who doesn't - as long as noone asks me to drink. Thankfully after a couple of months people gave up. Why am I talking about this now then? Because this weekend I met a whole bunch of new people and found myself in the same predicament again. But instead of having to explain myself I got myself a glass of a non-alcoholic drink so people could assume whatever they wanted. Or if someone asked I said I didnt want to right now. Just to avoid questions. Isn't it crazy that one must lie about not drinking?

Yet another thing that triggered this off. A radio talk show host said that she doesnt trust people who have never even had a puff of a cigarette or a drug in their life or who don't drink because they are TOO much in control and she is scared of them. What the HELL?? am i the only crazy one here?

The vogue of political incorrectness

2008-07-02T20:27:00.003-05:00

A few months ago I got told by a friend that I am the most politically correct person he knows and no it wasn't a compliment. He said I should round up a bunch of people like me and we could form a very good PC police. Right. I actually think it's quite funny that to call a person politically correct is now a derogatory term or maybe it always was since the phrase was conceived. What is to be politically correct? Wikipedia (the ONE who knows everything) seems to define it as languange, ideas, behaviour that seeks to minimize offense. Ummm...am I missing something? Is that not a good thing?

No by this I do not mean that we should all hide the truth or our real feelings all the time - but sometimes is it worth offending others for your own satisfaction of not being PC? Isn't it better to then be politically correct?

The reason I bring this up is now that I have a car again I am finally listening to the radio in the US. And I was a little appalled at the topics that get discussed on the radio and the way people are criticized and insulted. And so much of it is pointless. To me if feels like it is all in the name of being 'cool' Un-PC people.

So is that a trend then? To talk crap just so you can claim to not be labeled PC?

The best man I will ever know

2008-06-25T23:17:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago it was fathers day in the US, but I think it is on a different day in new zealand so I don't know when to wish my dad. But then, every day is fathers day because without my dad I would be nobody and I don't just mean that in the literal sense.

Last week I had a bit of a crisis and I think it was him worrying a lot more than I was. But then perhaps the reason I wasn't worrying was because I knew he was there and somehow he would magically make all the problems go away - and he did!

What can I say about him? At time we are such opposites that he drives me crazy with his views on what I should do. I fight with him like there's no tomorrow - and it happens that once in a while we are both so pigheaded that neither wants to see the other's point. Then I realize that maybe we aren't so different after all. And sometimes I just give in because I would rather do something that makes him happy than be stubborn.

Because ever since I can remember, he has done everything possible and more to make me happy. I don't actually remember ever asking him for something and not getting it - more often than not I have had it before I have even asked for it. I am yet to figure out how he knows.

At the end of the day he's just there. At the other end of the phone any time of day or night - whether it is for silly things like me being lost (yes I actually call long distance to find directions when I'm lost - that's how dependent I can be on him) or stressing about exams. He's always there. And I thank God every day for that.

Children

2008-06-25T23:16:00.002-05:00

At work today there was a picnic for all the employees' kids - not that I have any of my own but I thought to stop by the picnic where they had a person doing an animal show. I was amazed - not by the huge reptiles, though those were pretty incredible too - but by the questions children ask. Their sense of wonder at the world in all things we consider small and insignificant. The world is filled with things that we should all feel like that about, yet we pass them by everyday never stopping to look and wonder. It must be nice to be young enough and innocent enough to appreciate the little things. I so wish to be a child again so I can just live. So I can be innocent again. So I can see things the way I used to.

Where and how do we lose that innocence and our sense of wonderment towards the world? Does knowledge and experience get rid of that? Or is it the drudgery of everyday life? Here we are earning money, supposedly making the world a better place - being a doctor, an artist, a mother. But are we really enjoying the world the way we once did? And if not was all the knowledge and 'maturing' worth it?

On another note, watching kids makes me realize every time how much I love them. And how much I would one day like to have my own. Yet thinking about this already makes me scared of the day that they in turn lose their innocence and stop being children. I know it sounds silly but how will i live on that day?

Aamir

2008-06-15T17:50:00.004-05:00

Not Khan but the movie. Definitely the best movie I've seen this year. I saw good reviews but thought it was one of those things that a lot of Indian reviewers do where as soon as a movie is even mildly 'different', everyone is applauding it whether it's a good movie or not. Reservation number 2 from me - Rajeev Khandelwal. Never liked his Balaji show, and thought his acting was just so cliched. And so many TV actors do inconsequential movies just to return to the small screen after failing.

But God I hope he doesn't fail. The man is brilliant here. Through the whole movie he says very little, yet you feel like you are inside him - going through everything he is going through - seeing the world through his eyes. And what a world. Mumbai as I never knew it was. The slums. The dirt. Everything feels so real you can almost touch it. The music and the sounds are still playing in my ears. Speaking of which you wouldn't think a movie like this leaves space for good music but another surprise - I'm downloading the songs right now.

At the end of the day I give all the credit to the director - rarely have I seen a hindi movie where I felt like I was experiencing what was on the screen - I was the protagonist and I was going through these bizarre events. Because I am not super human. I react like any normal human would. Yet perhaps in every normal human, there is the ability to be more.

I won't reveal beyond that...all I will say is watch the movie!!

Time flies and how

2008-06-14T01:17:00.002-05:00

Lying in bed I just realized that it is my penultimate night in this room. It just seems like yesterday when I walked in (with uncle and aunt in tow to make sure i 'settled in' ok). I remember being a little worried, yet definitely excited. First time away from home - big moment, blah blah. How would I handle it? What would the people be like? Would I fit in?

And here I am - end of my first year - half an mba and about to step back into the real world, even if it is only for 10 weeks. Am I ready for it though? Yes and no. Actually, more no than yes. While it will be interesting to be out there working and fun to not have tests and assignments to worry about, I don't know if I want to leave yet.

The place that I was so unsure about just 9 months ago now feels like home. So I wonder - if I'm homesick while away on my internship would i be missing my actual home or this place here?

More advertising

2008-06-06T00:24:00.002-05:00

Putting in a plug for a friend's site

http://www.indiatvads.com/

i've always loved indian adverts

there's some awesome one's from the past here...definitely makes you nostalgic :)

My life the musical

2008-06-03T16:49:00.005-05:00

I'm not a big fan of blog tags but this one from Amrit was too interesting to pass up...if my life was a musical what would the songs be...so here goes nothing

a lot of them probably don't fit but went with what i could think of... :)

Opening credits: Barso re Megha - Guru (sorry i had to be a little narcissistic here!)

Waking up: Beautiful day - U2

Average day: Jeene ke ishaare - Phir Milenge

First date: Aaj mausam beimaan hai - Loafer

Falling in love: When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating/ Aaj jaane ki zid na karo - Farida Khanum

Love Scene: Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge / Everything I do - Bryan Adams

Fight Scene: We will rock you - Queen

Breaking up: Chalte Chalte - Chalte Chalte

Getting back together: Build me up Buttercup - The Foundations/ Mitwa - Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Secret love: Pyar Hua Chup ke se - 1942 A Love Story

Life’s ok: Aashayein - Iqbal

Mental Breakdown: Itni shakti hamein dena - Ankush/ Maula - Chak de India

Driving: I'm a believer - Smashmouth/Hotel California - The Eagles

Learning a lesson: Haan Yehi Rasta Hai - Lakshya

Flashback: Linger - The cranberries/ Jab Koi Baat Bigad jaaye - Jurm

Partying: Say na Say na - Bluffmaster/ Namak - Omkara

Happy Dance: Mucho Mambo (sway) - Shaft

Regretting: Drive - Bic Runga

Long night alone: Its all coming back to me now - Celine Dion/Tadap Tadap - Hum Dil De Chuke

Death Scene: Rote Hue aate hain sab - Muqaddar ka Sikandar

Closing Credits: Livin on a prayer - Bon Jovi

Dear God

2008-06-02T21:55:00.003-05:00

Do I have to give up on worldly pleasures to be one with you? Because I so want to be. Yet I'm not sure I am ready to not care about material things. Why is it that every spiritual guide tells me I must disconnect with myself and everything around me to find you. If you are everywhere why don't I see you like the more learned ones claim they do. I believe I see you, in my heart, in my conscience. Yet should I do more? Should I wait for you to reveal yourself to me in some form the way you have to those who have persevered in their pursuit of you and given up all that is dear to them? And if I must not care about the world to find the eternal truth and you, why did you create the world around me to tempt to be a part of it?

More Istanbul...

2008-06-02T21:40:00.003-05:00

More of the magical City

The Hagia Sophia

The Blue Mosque

Bridge separating Europe and Asia...and that beautiful water I couldn't get over

There's that mix of amazing architecture against the backdrop of water that I so fell in love with

Europe to Asia all in a day - Istanbul

2008-06-01T07:07:00.003-05:00

What a gorgeous city! I wish I could have stayed longer. I even momentarily considered moving there - when I saw some of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen in my life - only to realize that even if I did I'd never be able to afford them. Unless I find me a rich hubby...hmmm...lol :)

But seriously, there was something about Istanbul. There are two things I love on holiday - to be in or near water, and to see a part of history. And here there was both. The Hagia Sophia and the blue mosque had amazing art and architecture. And oh the history! A building that has been around for centuries or millenniums even..to stand in there and read about everything the building has gone through right from the 4th century. To think about everyone who has probably stood on the same spot that you are!

My highlight of the trip however was the Basilica Cistern (photo here). Entirely underground, with water and beautifully lit. There was a peaceful yet eerie feeling all at once. Definitely one of the most memorable buildings I've seen in my life.

And then there was the water. Blue. Clear. Pristine. I must have been a fish (or a mermaid perhaps! ;) ) in a previous life the way i get excited every time I see water. We caught a ferry that took us in the Bosphorus channel that separates the European and the Asian sides of Istanbul (which I thought was pretty cool in itself) - and it was during this that I saw those houses overlooking the channel...*sigh*. See it is something to do with the water. I'm sure that mermaid theory is true!

And the two guilty pleasures of Istanbul - the food and the jewelery! The amount we ate in two days was probably what I eat in a week. And the jewelery - if only I had the money, I'd have bought it all!! If I start talking any more about them, I will start craving both...so I'll stop now :)

Nature's Fury and more

2008-05-19T21:52:00.004-05:00

What a terrible few days. China. Burma. So many people dead. Mother nature can be cruel sometimes. All those children trapped with their parents waiting outside. So many people rendered homeless. Why? What does it all mean.

And as if nature hadn't done enough, man had to have his say too. Bomb blasts in Jaipur. More people dead.

It is scary to think how many people died the last week that weren't supposed to. Or were they? Strange are the ways of God. Yes I am still hanging on to my faith. But looking for an explanation

Finding myself?

2008-05-12T20:28:00.002-05:00

I was talking to a friend about the article I mentioned below - and how once in a while I question why if God exists, he allows such atrocities to happen in the world. My friend questioned my assumption in the first place - that God exists. What is God he asked me? My conscience - God is within me - He is who makes me not do something wrong. Then what about that man, he questioned. Did the God within him make him do what he did to his daughter? I had no response. Then we talked about Buddha - how He went out into the mountains and put himself through so much hardship believing that He would find God. And just when He thought He did, he realized how wrong he had always been. He instead found himself. He had never been the Prince Siddhartha or Gautama - he had always been Buddha. And that was the truth.

Find yourself, my friend said, don't question the world and what is right or wrong, but who you are. But how? Who am I? And what do I do to find myself?

I don't understand

2008-05-12T18:36:00.005-05:00

I keep talking about being optimistic and happy all the time but there are times when I question myself. There is so much happening in the world that is so wrong. But why? If there is a God (and I do believe in my heart that there is) why does he allow these things to happen. Just yesterday when I felt compelled to research Kamal Nath I read so much about the Sikh massacre that happened in 1984 - all done by educated people. And it disturbed me so. So many people dead - so many mothers lost their sons - so many children were orphaned. All for nothing.

I have been a little low all day - I don't quite know why. Maybe it's a combination of what I read and on a smaller scale because a friend of mine who has been dealt a very unfair hand in life, yet takes the blame of this upon herself. And when I got home, the first news article I read shook me completely. About a man in Iraq who mercilessly killed his 17 year daughter, helped by his sons, just because she was caught talking to a foreign man.

I know I have read of things like this many times, but they never fail to sadden me. To kill your own daughter and sister? What human being can bring himself to do that - and to be proud of it too? Why is life so unfair to so many people in so many ways? To good people. The girl in this case did nothing wrong - she was helping other people. Yet to die such a horrid death - and have your killer go free (and even respected as a hero) - what did she do to deserve that?

My 'about me' talks about feeling blessed - and I agree I do. But sometimes I wonder about how unfair that is. I haven't done enough good in my life to deserve so much happiness. While I am thankful to God for all he has given me, I don't understand why. What about everyone else? Why do so many continue to suffer? Why is it that the world is so divided in terms of fortune - some have everything and the others have worse than nothing? Why?

Its very sad...

2008-05-12T15:18:00.003-05:00

We had a great conference at school this weekend. Except - there were protests about a certain speaker. Kamal Nath. I didn't quite know the history there till I decided to look it up. And there is so much there. About his involvement in the massacre in 1984. Whether he was physically involved or just present watching it happen - it is still bad isn't it? There were so many people part of that atrocity - yet so many people got away free. Why? And how can someone with such a reputation be a part of the government. Perhaps I see the point of the protesters. Is that really the person we want to represent India outside our country?

I am blessed!

2008-05-08T06:22:00.004-05:00

What did I do to meet such amazing people everywhere I go? I had the best birthday ever and I dont know why I was thinking I wouldn't! People around me just made it so special I nearly cried. What did I do to deserve it? I must have done something really good in my past life.

Quarter life crisis?

2008-05-03T10:24:00.006-05:00

I remember blogging a couple of years ago about turning 23 which to me at that time had seemed a big deal. Now that I am on the threshold on 25 I couldn't quite remember why I had felt that way - so decided to go back and read it. Apparently the big deal was that 23 is closer to 25 that it is to 20 - and by 25 I better officially be an adult and have figured out what I want to do with my life.

But here I am at 25 still unsure of what to do. When will I finally grow up?

My birthday this year feels a little strange. Most years I start counting down a few weeks in advance and getting excited about nothing in particular. But here I am just 2 days before the so-called big day feeling a little pensive. What is it that I want from life? Here I am at a great business school, learning so many new things, meeting so many amazing people - who all seem to have life all figured out. Yet here I am almost drifting. But then this is how I've always been - it's just that I have been incredibly lucky to have ended up at the right place every time. I was always afraid that my luck would run out one day, but had hoped that by then I would have started to make decisions based on logic and knowing what I want.

What is it that I feel? People talk about midlife crisis - but is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis too?

Watch this video...

2008-04-26T20:46:00.001-05:00

Then tell me...Are you a donor? And if not, why not?

Lest we forget

2008-04-25T14:38:00.003-05:00

Interesting how I never made it a point to go to the dawn Anzac service every year while i lived in Auckland (i did a couple of times but was never regular) - but when here someone invited me to come to one, I jumped at the chance. So there I was up at 5 in the morning to get to the 6am service in downtown Chicago, and I'm really glad I went. Was beautiful to listen to the Ode of Remembrance and the Last Post, and to really think about the people who fought out there, for families that lost their sons and their husbands so far away from home.

At the service we ran into a Vietnam war veteran who said he goes to the Anzac service every year because he is happy that at least some war heroes are paid respect to. He said it disturbs him when people ask him why he fought a war - 'hate the war, not the warriors' he said. How true.

I am no fan of war, don't get me wrong, but I have immense respect for soldiers. To put your life in danger and go out there to fight for your country, there is something incredibly honorable in that. Perhaps I am biased. My dad spent 18 years of his life in the army, and I am so so proud of him for it. And well, it was an unfulfilled childhood dream that I would step into his shoes one day. I sometimes wish I had.

Random ramblings

2008-04-21T09:03:00.003-05:00

Do we really understand the significance of things in life? Could it be that one moment that seemed entirely insignificant could then go on to shape the rest of your life? A split second decision that you didn't think made any difference changed everything for you...and perhaps you don't even realize it? Is that fate? Or just random coincidences? Do parallel dimensions get constantly created every time you make a decision...if so then wouldn't it be interesting to see the effect of those decisions?

What is happening to me?

2008-04-20T09:31:00.005-05:00

Does it ever feel like you end up doing the very things you dislike in other people? And then you start to dislike yourself for it. All my life I could never stand negativity and cynicism - yet of late I find myself being that way. Am I losing my positivity and innocence? A friend once told me that I look at the world with rose-coloured glasses - but I think I liked being that way. Suddenly I feel like I'm losing that and seeing something entirely different. Pray, why is this happening to me? Is age finally catching up? Is it because I am finally out of the protective world that home was? Or maybe it is just a phase...please let it be just a phase. I don't want to add to the already too big list of cynics in this world.

The great supermarket conspiracy

2008-04-06T18:09:00.003-05:00

What is it about supermarkets? Are there many people in the world who can actually walk into a supermarket and walk out with just what they came in for? Every time I'm there I seem to come home with all sorts of random things that I didn't know I need - or even wanted! Yesterday I set out with a mission - I needed four things for a dish I was making - just FOUR things - and that was all I would get. But as soon as I walked into the supermarket I started looking at something else and for five minutes had no idea what I had even come in for cause everything else looked really interesting. But I woke myself up from the trance like state and set about my task like a soldier - and actually managed to pick up just the four things I needed (though I had to fight off the temptation to buy anything else - my mission would be unsuccessful) - and made it all the way to the check out counter. So close. And then I saw it. "Exotic Chocolate" - chocolate with really weird flavourings and fillings - salt, chili, even bacon! And for some reason I saw myself pick up the chili flavoured chocolate (my mission all down the drain) and put it in my pile of things. *sigh* Why do I even want chili flavoured chocolate? I dont really. Especially not one that cost me $8 for a tiny slab. So here I am with my exotic chocolate - yet unopened - just so it can remind me of the great supermarket conspiracy and how I got trapped into it.

As an aside - I forgot to wear my watch and looked around for the time, but couldnt find a clock anywhere. Is that just that one supermarket or do supermarkets like casinos not have clocks either?

City on Steroids - Shanghai

2008-04-05T09:50:00.004-05:00

I had seen a lot of pictures of Shanghai (and Mission Impossible 3) before and I guess I knew it was a big city with buildings everywhere. But nothing could have prepared me for Shanghai. Looking down from the tallest observation deck in the city as far out as the smog will allow you, all you can see are really tall buildings. I mean of course, that in itself is not new - but considering just 10 or 15 years ago, so much of this didn't exist, the city completely stuns you. In the past few months at business school, I've heard India and China talked about in the same breath (albeit everyone does mention that China is ahead as of now) - but I still expected China to be more or less like India. But the infrastructure in China just blew me away. Nothing in India (in any of the cities I have been) can compete.

But then, my perspective on that is that to build a whole city in a communist country is not the same as even building a single structure in a democracy. And well, while Shanghai is amazing, and it would be a dream to achieve something like that in cities in India, I wouldn't give up democracy and freedom for anything. Even if because of it India does take time to play catch up. But this discussion for another day. For now, back to Shanghai.

Our first night in Shanghai was spent on Nanjing road, which is basically a street made of neon lights. The lights are completely blinding! My first meal in Shanghai was interesting to say the least. I ordered a dish called 'Chicken with Capsicum' and when I did, the waitress said 'you want chicken with peppers'? Of course, I said yes assuming that like it would be here, peppers = capsicum. Apparently the translation got lost somewhere, and whoever had written the english menu assumed capsicum means chillies and I received a dish which was 50% red chillies!

Most of my time in Shanghai was spent walking around the streets, shopping, seeing more big buildings (including the interestingly shaped but not-so-appealing-to-me TV tower). I also found out that they were in the process of building the tallest tower in the world - but before they could finish it, the Taipei 101 was built, which will soon be surpassed by the new structure coming up in Dubai - making the one in Shanghai the 3rd tallest.

Some of the interesting things I saw: Old couples practicing ball room dancing in the park; a lot of people practicing martial arts or traditional forms of dance in the park; people stopping you every five minutes on the road asking if you want to buy a rolex or a prada bag (one of these women actually followed a guy in our group around for a long time trying to convince him to get something, anything!). Oh and I rode on the Maglev train - 431 km/h!! But just didnt seem like that big a deal while you are sitting on it. Though it was cool to get to the airport in 7 minutes!

Shanghai was just a brilliant city - buildings, food, shopping, nightlife, people. I was so so impressed. Hats off!

Random

2008-04-05T09:48:00.001-05:00

Spotted a really cute guy yesterday at the movies...not that I approached him or anything - but I think I totally blushed when he looked up. Suddenly felt like I was 15 again (and considering I'm turning 25 in a month...well that's interesting!) :)

What an amazing trip!

2008-04-02T22:31:00.003-05:00

Back from my trip and my promised travel log has still not happened. But what a trip it was - Shanghai, Beijing, Seoul - each city amazing in its own right. Shanghai for its crazy neon lights and huge buildings. Seoul for its people and food. Beijing for all the history. Every moment was more memorable than the other. But I would say my highlight of the trip was seeing the Great Wall of China. What an appropriate name! It really is breathtaking. Every time I go to a site that is known the world over I realize that the world wasn't joking. The Eiffel Tower brought out a strange sort of romance from within me (completely unexplained). The Tajmahal practically brought tears to my eyes (to think a husband could love to wife to that extent, and to remember that he spent the last years of his life in imprisonment just staring at the Taj). The Great Wall just left me breathless (and not just because I was too unfit to climb!). What a structure - to think it was built all those years ago - and here the world is competing to build the tallest structure. I don't anything will ever compare. That's a little something about my trip for now. More coming up. Hopefully!

Another favourite quote

2008-03-16T17:43:00.004-05:00

Since in a post yesterday I mentioned on of my favourite quotes (On Success), here is my other fave:

Khudi ko kar buland itna
Ki har taqdeer sey pehley
Khuda bandey ko khud poocchey
Bataa, 'Teri razaa kya hai?' - Muhammad Iqbal

Translation:

Endow your will with such power
That at every turn of fate
God Himself asks of you
'What is it that pleases thee?'

Powerful words!

I'm now 33.33% an MBA!

2008-03-16T13:10:00.004-05:00

With the assumption that I have passed my exams! :)

Second quarter through and tomorrow I leave for a trip to China and Korea. Will be amazing. I think I need to start keeping a travel log. I've seen all these great places but in the future they will just be a distant memory - and I think I'd like to remember how I felt about each place. Will start with this trip - at least make sure I make one blog entry for every city I visit. I did start this when I went to Europe - but only managed to do two out of the four cities - my laziness then caught up. Perhaps one of these days I'll do a recap of what I thought of the other places I've been to as well.

Here's a random photo - I have no idea what it is or when I took it - but it kind of looks cool. I think! :)

Just to make the blog more colourful

2008-03-15T09:17:00.001-05:00

I think my blog needs more photos - especially since I love taking pictures...will try to put up some of the ones that I like. Here's one of my fave shots (out of those I've taken). In Jaipur - outside some palace (cant remember which one - there were palaces everywhere - speaking of which, it was an amaaazing city!).

Grades = Success?

2008-03-15T09:03:00.007-05:00

Have an exam in two hours - and though I think I will be ok...I do sometimes wonder what the purpose of exams is. Is it a measure of how good you are? I have known people through college who probably had the best knowledge of a subject and yet could never get past a B - and others who may not have understood what was going on yet got straight As. (and I'm ashamed to say sometimes I felt like I was part of the latter group - I have As is courses that I'm not sure I did actually understand everything - yet probably knew what the teacher expected). Just doesn't seem fair.

And what are grades anyway? What does an A mean against a B? If I have an A does that mean I am better than you? Better how? All seems to silly and pointless. How can this single letter be some way to tell me that I have been successful or I haven't. Isn't there so much more to being 'better' or being successful. Oh well, I suppose when you live in a world, you abide by the rules - and these letters seem to mean something here. So I shall go back and attempt to get that A.

Speaking of success - brings me to my favourite quote(I wish blogger.com would stop telling me I have a spelling error every time i type 'favourite' - what if I dont wish to go the american way and drop the u??). Anyway back to the quote - this pretty much sums up everything I believe about life and success:

“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded..”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man-made sunrise!

2008-03-11T20:34:00.002-05:00

My flatmate's brother watched the launch of the shuttle Endeavour yesterday. Here's a photo he took. Absolutely stunning! Copyright to Parag :)

Advertising

2008-02-29T12:17:00.001-06:00

A friend of mine started a new blog...and its definitely worth a look! And it has real information. Not like my random rants.

So have a read!!

http://mysciencemysteries.blogspot.com/

Time flies and I wonder what is ahead

2008-02-29T08:00:00.003-06:00

Yesterday a friend of mine put up photos online that were from four years ago. Now I cant decide if that feels like it was just yesterday - or it actually feels like it was a lifetime away. I get both feelings, isn't that bizarre? But I do have to say that time definitely flies. It definitely feels like just yesterday I was thinking about coming to business school - and now I'm close to the end of my second quarter - which marks the completion of 33% of my degree.

Sometimes I feel I came back to school to escape reality for a while, and that is exactly what it is. Being here in this artificial environment thinking we're all invincible (though you get a wake up call from that during recruiting season). But if time goes so fast, it means I have to go back to the real world again and soon. Am I ready for that? And this time it will be for real. When I finished my undergrad, I went back to do a masters - prolonged being a student for a little longer. But even when I did start working, I continued to live at home. And that is far from reality. I still had the comfort of knowing that if I screwed up my parents were there to stop me. Coming to business school is my first sense of independence and 'taking care of myself'. But then, as I said this is artificial too.

So what will happen in an year and a half when I step out into the real world. Alone.

This one's for you Amrit...

2008-02-26T11:45:00.002-06:00

so apparently I have been tagged by my darling friend Amrita (http://writersanon-amrita.blogspot.com/)...and i have to now give out six random quirks about myself

pretty hard that - considering how perfect i am and all

but oh well, here goes

1) Every morning when I get up (no matter how busy the day is or whether I have exams on the day) - I have a ritual online of a set of websites I go to - including email, social networking, news, cricket and yes even celebrity gossip. Thus I make sure I wake up at least 20 minutes before I should have. If I want to start studying at 5, i wake up at 4.30. Rather lose half an hour of sleep than let go of my ritual.

2) When I'm really bored or a little depressed, I try on pretty clothes. Just in the comfort of my room. With accessories. Weird. I know.

3) I always have a couple of new clothes in my wardrobe. Always! Its great when I have an occasion when I really want something new to wear - I dont have to go shopping in a hurry. And yes, I love wearing new clothes :)

4) 99% of the time I wake up 5 or 10 minutes before my alarm goes off. Yet I always set 2 alarms to be sure.

5) I never chew or bite chocolate. Never. Even if there are nuts around or inside, i will wait till all the chocolate melts in my mouth first.

6) I never go out without lip balm or lip gloss. I find it comforting. Dont ask me why.

apparently the 2nd step is to tag 6 other people but unfortunately i dont have 6 friends - so this is enough for now!

And it keeps going

2008-02-15T15:08:00.004-06:00

DING DING DING...so goes the sound. One rejection after the other, and the old ego is suffering. No matter how hard you try to keep up a brave face at one point you do start to wonder - inspite of all the reassurances we have been given that EVERYONE lands an internship (am i going to be an exception to that rule??). Oh well I suppose it's still early days and I mustn't give up hope, but damn this isn't easy! But I suppose life never is. Which makes me wonder - maybe I have had it too easy till now in life. Getting everything I wanted without having to struggle. Maybe this is life and I'm finally getting to experience it?

Oh well, I shall not think about such things - and head to New York for a fun weekend. Ok at least i will TRY not to think about this! Either way - New York here I come :)

Poor Student:0, The Great Recruiting Monster:1

2008-01-30T08:31:00.003-06:00

One battle down and one battle lost. Apparently my strategy of being myself didn't quite cut it. First interview of the season and the first ding. Ahh its an interesting life. Time for Plan B. Prepare the heck out of everything and be the robot they want you to be. And what a hypocrite I will be. But what can one do when one must find a job?

On another note, chicago weather can be pretty interesting. Yesterday morning started with a beautiful 9-10 degrees. The entire day was warm enough to walk around in a light jacket. Even when I walked to class at 6 in the evening, the weather loomed just above zero - but still completely manageable. Three hours of class later - walk out and there's a snow storm! what the hell! it was interesting walking in the storm (a mild one it must be said) - i actually enjoyed it. I must be insane - got my first rejection yesterday, and walked through the snow with no gloves or hat - and i was so happy in general.

Everyone around me seems more and more stressed while I feel like i'm on holiday. I mean sure I want a job too, but I just cant seem to get myself to worry about it enough to forget everything else in life. I mean seriously. Its a job. You will get one. Take some time to stop and smell the roses. Or the snow

And it begins...

2008-01-29T09:27:00.005-06:00

Here I am two hours before my first internship interview (keeping up the tradition of blogging at the most inappropriate times)...very mixed feelings right now. I know I should be nervous cause I am not as ready as I know everyone around me is. But I am finding it so difficult - preparing for an interviewing...practicing the answers you will give to questions...the whole process seems odd to me. Is it just me or is it an American thing? Or perhaps its an MBA thing. Which would make sense I suppose...with engineering, as long as you can do the work, people are happy to hire you - no bullshit required. Here it feels like - they can train you to the work, but they want to make sure you have the ability to bullshit. Sorry for sounding so cynical - but well, i am!

Yesterday was the first day of recruiting and it was pretty freaky seeing everyone in suits getting in and out of interviews...everything feels different at school now. Everyone working towards getting a job - and not really caring about anything or anyone else around. I suppose thats life, and thats what we're here for. Feels like classes arent even important, with the attendance lower every day - because after all, we're not here to learn. We're here to find a job. It totally sucks...Cause I'm really enjoying class, but definitely not this recruiting stuff...

I'm sure once I screw up today's interview - which I just might - I will stop being cynical and get my ass down and prepare. But for today, I have decided, I will be myself - and see what they can throw at me. And leave the rest to fate, God, whatever...

So let the games begin

happy new year and all that

2008-01-12T18:40:00.000-06:00

So 2008 is here...like seriously???! where did the year go? Why is time going so damn fast? doesn't it sometimes feel that every year goes faster than the previous one? So here's my very silly theory of why that could be - every year is a smaller portion of your whole life than the previous one (so when you're 1 the past year was your WHOLE life and thats a big deal, when you're 10 the past year was 10% of your life and when you're 25 the past year was 4% of your life)..so maybe thats why the years feel shorter? yes i know it doesnt make too much sense. well it does to me. and this happens to be MY blog. so shush.

My new years eve this year was the most uneventful of the past few years but still so nice. Didnt feel up to going out at all and was so happy at home that I spent it watching a movie at home with my parents. Home. Sigh. Hard to even start to say how homesick i feel. A lot more than I was when I left. People did warn me that it would happen - but I thought that was strange. Still think its strange, but at least now I believe its true. Anyway I'm sure I'll get over it soon. Lets hope!

So what do I think 2008 will bring to me? Love, Wealth, Prosperity...I will meet my dream man, find my dream job, become famous...blah blah. Actually I'll take peace and happiness for me and my family/friends. Rest will come with time i'm sure! A tad too philosophical? ok fine..i'll take the dream man - and maybe the dream job? ;)

My new years resolutions? Well there's the whole need to lose a bit of weight and get more fit blah blah crap. But its so ambigous and easy to break...so here's my resolution - at least 20 mins of exercise everyday...small but easy to do? lets see how i go with that. And there now that I have it in writing it will remind me to keep at it! :)

Anyway now that i'm back to school, it feels like I never left. Schedules are back to being busy and people are running around like headless chickens with their job hunting worries. Welcome back to business school

The wonder of nature

2007-12-08T08:18:00.000-06:00

I'm sure the novelty will wear off in a few days - but I just wanted to capture the essence of what I feel about the weather right now. It started to snow in chicago this week, and I just can't stop looking outside. It is stunning to say the least! It isn't like I've never seen snow before - but I guess seeing snow on the mountains while skiing or on vacation is definitely not like going about your daily routine with snow everywhere. It looks so beautiful outside - that while walking out every morning I pause to just take it in. I've been told that it will only take a few days before I start to dislike it - but for now, i absolutely LOVE it here...! Its not just the snow, the air is so crisp and breathing it in makes me feel so alive...and before this post gets any more cheesy I will sign off

(Plus I suppose I should be studying for my exams!)

Until next time..

Marriage to a tree?

2007-12-02T13:21:00.001-06:00

Yes I do realize that all the stuff about Aishwarya Rai getting married to a tree was well in the past. But I started thinking about it yesterday thanks to a friend who seemed to find the idea completely fascinating and was wondering what happened to the tree that she married. Apparently he read somewhere that being manglik means your spouse will die within the first year! (though a lot of people define it more as something that could lead to problems within a marriage - and in extreme cases death). Either way, so the root of the curiosity was wanting to know if the tree that Aishwarya Rai married was still ok - and he thought there should be someone tracking the tree!

So I did a little reasearch on it last night (yes i seriously have nothing better to do - and no exams are not nearly as fascinating) - and it turns out that she married 2 trees...but unfortunately noone has had this brilliant idea yet of checking up on these 'husbands' of hers! The more interesting bits I read were that since Ash did it, it has become more prevalent - manglik girls marrying trees or something...seriously! anything can turn into a fashion in India!

On a more serious note, what could lead educated people to be so superstitious. I argued with someone once about this during the Abhi-Ash wedding and they said - its not that people believe in it but they want to be cautious 'just in case' there is some truth to it. Isn't there a flaw in that argument - if you dont believe in it, where does the 'just in case' come in? And if people who are so high profile indulge in such customs, what does that mean for the less educated population who look up to these people. Are you telling everyone that there is some truth in the belief that just cause a person was born at a certain time, she is unlucky?? Like there wasn't enough crap like this going around anyway!

And what of the people who dont really know anything of astrology? And what of non-hindus...since its all about what time you were born and how the planets were aligned(?!) - they could be manglik too?!

I've never had any charts done for me, so Lord knows what curse I am carrying. Perhaps i should marry the tree outside our building and find out?

Happy Diwali!

2007-11-12T21:23:00.000-06:00

So it was diwali on friday and I have to say it was kind of depressing to be away from home for the first time. Totally missed mum, dad and my whole family back home. But I've realised that family can be anywhere and anyone - and I think I'm starting to find one here. I came home on friday night from a long day to find my room decorated with diyas and chocolates and mithais and everything set up like it was diwali. All done just for me by my amazing amazing roommate and another friend. Cant even start to say how touched I was...actually started to cry. I really do think I'm blessed...I always manage to meet the nicest people everywhere.

Apparently its called 'B-school' for a reason

2007-11-03T08:57:00.003-05:00

Thats what they told us in the first week. Dont care about grades. You're going to get Bs. Blah blah blah!

And after my first set of midterms I'm starting to believe it - the part about the Bs. Havent yet worked out how to stop caring about grades though! It is so hard to not care...especially having spent all of my high school and college life aiming for the top - to now be ok at being in the middle is scary. I know business school is not really about grades and it's about what you learn. But i still care damn it! I want to learn but I also want to do well.

The sad thing is I have no idea how. During engineering I know that if I put in a little more effort I could get that A or A+. What do I do here though? So many of the classes are so subjective, there is no way to know how I've done. I had a midterm that I though I had done decently - till I got the grade back!! And I know I put in all the effort I could. What to do what to do? Work harder? Pray even harder? Or start accepting the fact that it's 'B-school'??

Passion can be contagious

2007-11-03T02:16:00.000-05:00

I look around and everywhere I see bankers and consultants - well those who want to be anyway! Great for them - its what they really want to do - but it is so much bloody pressure. To be asked WHY i'm not doing consulting. Because I dont really have an answer. Apparently it is THE career to be in. Maybe. Maybe I'm like totally in another world and need to wake up or something? Because I dont really have an answer for why I dont want to do consulting. And sometimes I get sucked in. The other day I felt the pressure and replied to an email from a recruiter from a consulting firm for a phone chat. Suddenly I had to think of things to say to him - like why I want to work for BCG - and how was I supposed to do that - when I dont - well not right now anyway. The funniest part was - during my 15 minute chat to him I talked more about the healthcare industry and less about consulting, making him say something to the effect of 'why arent you just applying to healthcare firms if that's what you want to do' - and i just felt like saying 'I knowwww!!' And I didnt even realize what I had said to give him that impression!!

Anyway the up side of being in business school is that there is a set of people who are truly passionate about something outside the norm - and that inspires me. And it definitely keeps me from going insane. There's a guy I met who has a simple yet awesome business idea that could really make a mark I think. And though he's still at business school I can see how much he cares about this and how much he really wants to do it, and I find that amazing. I totally admire the fact that he's managed to stay away from the pressure of everyone around him recruiting for all these so-called wow jobs and keeping focus on his dream.

And I guess seeing that, I am still focusing on what I want to do. Well to be honest I dont really have a goal I am working towards at the moment, but I am just waiting for something that feels right. And consulting doesnt right now. Summer internship recruiting time is fast approaching - and everyone's scrambling from event to event while I seem to be sitting at home contemplating my life - and at times wondering if I'm nuts.

The problem is - I dont yet have a specific thing I am passionate enough about to pursue. I mean I do - starting up my own biotech firm would just be the ultimate dream - but thats just too vague and not something I can pursue at the moment. But I know I can at least try to work towards it? Whether it happens or not, or how feasible or realistic it is, is a whole another deal, but there's definitely no law against dreaming right?

But right now I can just feel that passion is contagious. Seeing someone else care about something so much and pursue it makes me want to be really passionate about something too! And right now I'm passionate about being passionate I think - but hey that's something! :)

by the way - more about this person and his awesome ideas:
http://billionrupeeidea.com/
definitely a better blog than my random crap!

Yet another mood...

2007-10-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a little disillusioned...I've started to have this feeling over the past year or so that so many people aren't what you think they are. People I grew up with started to change and have entirely different personalities - but then I guess that was it - they grew up. But even people I meet now - I think something of them for the first few times I see them - and it turns out that my perception of them was completely off. I've been told in the past that I look at life very idealistically - I live with a conviction that 99% of people in this world have no ulterior motive and are just good people. I'm not questioning that they are still good people - but I'm starting to wonder about how much of their real self is evident to the world.

I am such an open book - to the extent that I constantly curse myself for it - everyone always knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. Though I know thats not the way to be - wouldnt the world be a simpler place if people were just themselves all the time. That they didnt feel the need to pretend - good or bad - just be yourself...Life would be so much easier - at least for an idiot like me..because seriously, I'm starting to realise more and more what a weakness my total lack of judgement of people is. Its not that I need to know exactly how someone is all the time - but when I like someone, be it as a friend or more, for traits that I saw in them, and they later start to behave in a total different (and sometimes on the border of weird) way - it hurts - and I start to wonder about the world, about myself, about my view of the world, and about my place in it. And it can be disturbing.

Can too much optimism be a bad thing?

2007-10-21T01:30:00.001-05:00

Maybe its just a mood I'm in...because I'm the first one telling everyone to stay positive all the time. But sometimes it can hurt...Sometimes maybe I'm a little too optimistic and hope for too much - and when it doesnt it crushes you more than if say I had been neutral about the whole thing. Is it wrong to hope for the best - well hoping shouldnt really kill you - have I taken optimism too far where I'm going beyond hoping to expecting something to happen. I dont even know what I'm talking about. As I said maybe its just momentary thing - a change of mood - and I'll get up in the morning my usual self.

I mean I like being optimistic about things - i truly believe that umeed pe duniya kaayam hai (the world lives on hope) - but hope can hurt sometimes. There are things I have hoped very hard for in the past that didn't happen - and when they didn't I almost felt cheated, while I shouldnt have - because there had never been any guarantee anyway.

The worst thing is even when my mind knows that something isn't going to happen the way I want it to - there is a part of me just waiting for the circumstances to change - till I FINALLY get it (often too late)...I mean what's the bloody point of being optimistic if it leads to a person getting hurt?

I dont want to think like this though - I like being happy and positive about things...oh i dont know! I'm sure I'll go back to that tomorrow morning - its too much effort to not be positive...but sometimes I get so annoyed at myself. I really need to find the fine line between hoping and expecting - I think I've crossed it too many times...but HOW??!! I am the way I am - how do I change?

Once again life ends up too confusing for me...

Corporate Responsibility or Social Responsibility? - The socially responsible dreamer vs the wannabe corporate so-n-so :)

2007-10-20T10:41:00.002-05:00

A conversation online with a friend about Corporates...two different perspectives (and in the end i dont think either of us managed to sway the other even 10%)...thought it was interesting enough to be logged...

Sam:did u watch Corporation...

m: whats that?

Sam: it's a docuementary about "Corporations"

m: about how they're evil?
:)

Sam: most of my friends who have been to B school watch it as a part of their course'
well what else are they good for
watch it and gimme ur opinion, am sure u`ll either like it or call it a hate propoganda, of some cynical losers

m: hmm i'll watch it for sure
i'm kind of sick of the corporations are evil type propoganda
i mean i agree they do a bunch of not-so-great things
but at the end of the day they are creating the economy

Sam: well u gotta realise they are..it's like saying am sick of people talking of Global Warming

m: its very easy to say get rid of all the big corporations - but what would u do then?

Sam: yeah but at what cost and whose pockets does this "Economy fill"
am sure civilisations did exist before them and society does figure a way of sustainable survival...

m: i think everything has a place in this world and sometimes its easy to just put yourself in a little bubble and make judgements about everything else
i'm not trying to be biased here - but sometimes it does get a bit much

Sam: and everything that has a place needs to exist with a social responsibility...

m: pepole find it easy to blame big companies for random things just because

Sam: well if it takes for one to scream at the top of the voice, to be audible, I wld do it...

m: http://on-cloud-nine.blogspot.com/2007/05/corporates-big-bad-wolf.html
see i agree that ethically unsound things do happen - and i dont agree with them - but its easy to get caught up in the blaming business
read that piece and tell me what u think
stuff like that makes me really mad

Sam: well and also watch the film and als watch Roger and Me and we cld talk it ...lemme read it now

Sam: well this is smart article trying to genralise an issue with one specific event...and there are many grey areas that cld be argued in those 200+ words...

m: i'm not generalising here
just talking about the specific incident
only put it here to give u an example of how blaming corporations can go too far at points
when that incident happened i was pretty damn angry at ppl's reactions

Sam: yeah, so there is an ambiguity wether the power company was informed or not abt the situation at home

m: its so easy to blame the power company though

Sam: yes it it, coz thtz always been a Socialist mindset

m: firstly if it was such an issue i really think they hsould have paid the bill after the warnings - new zealand is one country where ppl have NO excuse for not having enough to meet ends - because the govt provides income support indefinitely
its a totally socialist mindset
and yet these people didn't pay the bill
when they are saying the power was needed for her to stay alive (which it was later said she didnt - she only needed the machine occasionally)

Sam: yes but does the company see profit generation as a bigger motive than social responsibility

m: also when then power went off she had her 2 adult chlidren at home who could have easily either taken her next door or caleld the hospital
what happened to personal responsibility
i believe in taking personal responsibility rather than relying on social responsibility

Sam: yeah, the family is equally at fault..

m: at the end the power company couldnt be bothered dealing with the situation in court and compensated the family who then happily went away with their money
what does that say?
why is it the company's responsibility
they are providing a service and of course they should expect to be paid for that service
see i do believe in social responsibility
but i dont think it should supercede personal responsibility
sometimes with all the emphasis on social responsibility people forget that they need to help themselves too
living in new zealand you get totally frustrated - there are generations of people who dont work and are living off the government
why should i be paying taxes for people to sit on their asses all day?
the indians go one step ahead
they get compensation from the govt and then do cash jobs for which they dont declare income
one of our family friends worked at the income support office investigating income support fraud - and something like 80% were indians
it depressed him so much he quit his job
anyway that is beside the point
but those people who refuse to work because they are getitng money from the govt anyway - where is their sense of responsibility
why is it that social responsibility is made to be the business of corporates or those working in corporates

Sam: well sadly personal or moral responsibility is not even legally recognised to be an obligation, but a company to be in businees I feel should have a social responsiblity preceeding it's income generation

m: sorry i'm ranting a bit - i'll shut up

Sam: no..it's intresting..look at Monsanto did in S Americ and Vietnam..do u think it had any social responsibility

m: i agree that a company should have social responsibility but i dont think it is viable to expect that to be more than income generation
i should just paste this whole conversation in my blog :)

Sam: well then society should make sure they patronise companies they value socail ethics and pay only for those services...

m: thats personal choice

Sam: sure..and I`ll write back with my comments

m: you can't expect that of people

Sam: for sure, for a dreamer like me I will...expect that of people, nations and corporations
sure...

m: hope you dont think i'm an evil corporate b*tch now

Just a thought

2007-10-07T12:15:00.001-05:00

Is doing things on an impulse good? I always remind myself thats its probably not the best plan of action - but why do I do it anyway? I must be crazy. Always doing and saying things without thinking twice and then a couple of hours later wonder - what in the lord's name was I thinking?! But then everyone says follow your heart - dont use your head too much - blah blah blah. What am I supposed to do? Listen to my heart or just use rational thought? I am so ruled by the heart its not funny - but maybe I should start thinking a little too? Life is confusing on so many different levels.

Its a sad sad day

2007-10-06T16:17:00.001-05:00

I hope I wake up and find that the last hour and a half was a dream. It just didnt happen. The All Blacks just didnt lose to France - again! The dream shattered again for the next four years. How could it be? This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be the year that it happened. I dont even know what to say. I would be crying except I think I'm still in denial and hoping I will wake up. I'm lost for words

Thinking about options

2007-10-05T10:57:00.002-05:00

The one strange thing about business school is that while a lot of people still seem confused about what they want to do when they leave this place, they are expected to make fairly significant decisions within a month of starting. What sort of jobs do I want to recruit for, for my internship? Thats the burning question at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea. One part of me is ok with that because after all its just an internship right? But on the flip side of that is the number of second years I see who are just accepting offers from the companies they did their internship in, or are at least sticking to the function/industry. Does that mean I should know too?

I hope not! And I hope I can use my internship as a complete experiment. Thats my thought at the moment. What am I thinking of specifically? Well there's a side of me that has for the past couple of years had a burning desire to go and work in india (and yes, cheesy as it may sound, the movie Swades did have just a little to do with it). But seriously, the opportunities there are completely limitless. And I see it as a market that I can create my own place in. Everything is growing and the potential is just amazing. The big question behind that however is will I like working and living there? I absolutely love india, dont get me wrong but I left it when I was a child - and I'm sure working there is a whole another deal from going on a holiday. But then the internship is the perfect time to test this right? And also to explore what sort of roles I could have in the industry that I like.

The only thing I am scared of is getting caught up in the big recruitment drive when everyone else is doing it. I mean I know I will still try for internship placements at a select few companies here, but my heart really lies in wanting to go back to where my roots are. But then there's the thing that I dont know what sort of internship I could get in india - so thats something else I need to look into. And its scary to have to go about this alone - the easier option is just to go for a big company that's on campus ready to take me isn't it? Also, the idea of taking up a good internship and doing well in it and taking up an offer from the same company (thus avoiding a stressful recruitment period next year) sounds so tempting!

Lets just hope I dont get lazy, and I follow my heart back home :)

And life goes on

2007-10-03T22:11:00.001-05:00

So I've had my first 10 days of real classes - and it has been bloody real. I cant believe I'm actually living out of an outlook calendar, to the extent that I've blocked out bits to go to the gym (the fact that I didnt get my ass in the gym is a whole another deal of course). I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have no idea what my next task is - and yet I just feel like hanging out with people. So yes folks I'm at business school. I cant really complain cuz I am having a good time, and hopefully things will settle a little in the next week or so - there's just too much kicking off going on at the moment - every single club seems to be having one of those and I'm totally kickoff-ed out! Why do I go to all those things then? Apparently I have a case of FOMO - fear of missing out - but I do know people who have it a lot worse - so *shrug* cant complain.

Think I'm finally figuring out what I might want to do - actually no - but at least I do know a few things that I dont want to do - so I suppose thats a start. Everything's such a mixed bag though. If there's one thing I have learnt in these first few days - its to take everything with a pinch of salt. Whatever it is - professional choices, social activities, clubs - I have heard a whole range of reactions to every single thing. So in the end I guess I just have to experience it and find out myself. But how the hell am I supposed to experience SO many things?! But if I dont, what if i miss out?

Anyway enough complaining! I am having a good time here - meeting some really nice people - and learning so much its incredible. So I really shouldnt complain. I chose to come here - and I dont regret that choice. Actually no. I do have one last complaint. This place is too filled with married or committed guys - what happened to all the single ones? What was the point of coming here again? hehe! :)

Oh to be a student again!

2007-09-20T17:01:00.002-05:00

Here I am on the eve of my first exam at Bschool - happily finding every excuse I can to avoid doing any real work - my current one being - my blog REALLY needs to be updated!

Anyway let's just ignore the exam for now - cause apart from that I've loved every minute of being here. I'm so so glad I made this choice. I do realise that work will get a lot harder and a lot more stressful - considering I'm only doing one paper now and I already feel like I'm doing too much work (isn't being back here about fun?) - I'm not sure how it will be once I have my full courseload. Oh well - will see when it happens.

Its amazing however how quickly I've made friends here. Met some great people - and thankfully have an awesome roommate. Every day after class there ends up being a gathering of people talking about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything - its crazy to be able to open up so much to people who were strangers just 3 weeks ago - wow! three weeks! that sounds like nothing at all. Funnily enough, while these three weeks have gone at jet speed, it also feels like I've been here forever and known these people for ever! Can you believe me, my roommate and another friend were trying out clothes for an upcoming formal at 1 in the morning when we really should have been studying for the exam? Now thats friendship! :)

So what have I learnt from being here so far. Well my first lesson was the world is a bloody small place. In these three weeks these are the connections I have found to people here - two people I met here when to primary school with two of my closest friends in India and Africa. My roommate knows someone who is in business school with a friend of mine. And the strangest thing of all - someone whose blog I used to visit (and who commented on mine a couple of times) is now in business school with me and lives just two floors above. And I thought the world was made of 6 billion people. I guess there's a LOT of truth in the whole six degrees of seperation. And I used to think it only happened in new zealand! :)

More lessons from business school - I reallllly need to get my head around what exactly it is I want to do with my life. People here seem so focused - Investment banking, consulting, private equity blah blah - i barely even know what these things are. What to do what to do. I'm just a poor confused child who came here cause I didnt want to work any more (well for two years anyway!). No but seriously, it can be a little intimidating. Of course not as intimidating as hearing some of the amazing achievements of my classmates in their lives before bschool. I so dont fit in here - and I'm not even sure how I got in. I'm grateful for sure - but also dead scared.

So many smart people - and then there's me. I guess thats a reminder to myself that I really should go do some study. So thats that then. Back to the books...

Aaaaaaaaah!!!

2007-09-05T19:19:00.000-05:00

So much to do...too much to do.
Is this orientation or some kind of circus...all these events everywhere.
And though they might be fun, I dont know how much more I can take - and its still only the second day!!!
I want to stay homeeeeeeee.......!!!
Oh well - back to yet another session of trying to get to know even more people....too much effort right now!

In a new place...at the start of a new life...

2007-08-25T08:44:00.000-05:00

Ok so there hasn't been a single post in here for over 2 months - and its not like it has been a particularly busy two months. Rather the most free two months i can ever remember :)
I think I became a bit of a lazy ass and couldnt be bothered doing much apart from vegetate on the couch (which probably explain the bit of weight I have put on in that period...lol!)

So what have I been doing in these two months. Pretty much was a transition period between what was and what will be. I quit work (which was a lot harder than I thought - funny that till 2 weeks before leaving I was counting down the days, but in the last two weeks I just didnt want to go. I still miss work - well not the actual work but my workmates with who I probably spent more hours laughing and chatting rather than working!). After that I was pretty much home all through - I figured its unlikely I will get an opportunity to be a total bum for a long long time (if ever) so might as well make full use of it. Between that however I spent one of the best weekends ever with five of my closest friends in Australia (made me realise that while we may move on there are some friends who just get you - and without whom you probably wouldnt be the person you are today. I miss those friends like crazy now).

Anyway so enough talk about missing (especially since the title of this post in 'a new place')!!

So here I am - away from my lovely new zealand - in the 'big bad' US of A. So I've been here about 3 weeks now - and its not quite as 'bad' as I might have thought - though the big certainly applies - everything is huuuuge - houses, roads, cars, portion sizes in restaurants! Boston was lovely - New York (what i saw of it) was just big and mad (in a good way..hehe) - and here I am now in chicago - my home for at least the next two years.

My first impression of chicago - i loved it! Lived downtown the first night - walked around the lake - there were fireworks, there was live music - it was all brilliant - put me in a great mood...and I'm so happy I made this decision. As for the campus - i have only one thing to say - there's a beach!! well sorta...hehe...but that just made my day! :)

Moved into my new place a day or so ago - so just been struggling with suitcases and boxes. My first venture into doing things for myself...hehe...no mommy around to help anymore!! Mind you I had loads of help from my uncle and aunt who have just been amazing - dont know how I would have survived this move without them (and my two adorable cousins too!).

Anyway so here I am...all's good so far...unpacking is a major pain but I think i'll survive! Just never knew you needed so much stuff to set up a place. Think i'd started taking life for granted a little bit!! Met a few people around campus already - and everyone's been so nice - looking forward to starting the degree for sure. But the other thing is - everyone seems bloody smart - I feel like a bit of a misfit and am totally freaked out about how I will cope. Oh well...we'll have to see I guess.

I was a pretty nervous about this move - but things have started to fall in place - and I think i'll be ok. Now I just have a few things to worry about - lose this extra weight from my 2 vegetating months, get used to non metric values (they're soooo illogical) and the biggest problem of them all - try not to get run over while crossing the road - why do the americans have to do everything differently anyway?? :)

The All Blacks are people too!

2007-06-14T17:21:00.001-05:00

Why is it being made into such a big deal that two of the All Blacks have decided not to play a test because they want to be with their respective wives while they are giving birth? I’ve been listening to people on the radio talk about them being irresponsible and not taking their job seriously. But isn’t that the point – I know that they represent the country and everyone is proud of them – but to them being an All Black is also a job. What gives us the right to tell them they are not allowed to take time off from that job to honour personal commitments? Just because he plays for our country does not mean he can’t have a life of his own right?

Yesterday I heard a radio talk show host talking about how this is all just another part of the PC-driven world where men are psychologically forced to do this. Excuse me? Noone says a man must be present during the birth of his child – but what is this crap about it being PC. What if the man wants to be a part of it? What if he wants to be with his partner during that time? To me I think these men are setting great examples, and I quite admire them. By putting their wife and the birth of their child ahead of everything else. And to show that it does not make you less of a man to be with your wife when she is giving birth to your child. So who are we to judge him wrong?

So what is politics anyway?

2007-06-12T23:43:00.002-05:00

The other day on the radio I heard a snippet from someone who I thought was from the opposition party commenting on a new change that the government had made. It was a fairly objective view with the person talking about the benefits the change could bring about while putting across what he thought were the loopholes. Through the whole interview I had a niggling feeling that something seemed wrong. And then it clicked – it was objective – which I’ve NEVER heard a politician be. And then I realised that in fact he was not a spokesman for the opposition but from a not-for-profit organisation (he was ‘national secretary’ for something – and I just heard the ‘National’ and assumed he was from the National party). So yeah – the record on politicians (from what I’ve heard so far) still stands.

But seriously, doesn’t it sometimes feel that all politics consists of is finding fault in your opposition rather than come up with genuine changes for the good of the country/city. I just looked up dictionary.com for their definition of the word politics – apparently its “The art of science of government or governing” – which makes perfect sense. Except we now use the word politics to describe playing dirty. Again from dictionary.com (yes it truly is the digital age, with me quoting the website rather than Webster’s!) – “Play politics - to deal with people in an opportunistic, manipulative, or devious way”. Isn’t that hilarious. A word that was born to describe governing is now used as a synonym for being opportunistic.

So when did that happen? Or has it always been that way? Is there absolutely anything that could be done to change it. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. I’m not trying to criticize any particular person or party but just politics as a whole. If all politicians spend their entire time analyzing what the others did wrong, when will they do their real job – govern the country?

Corporates - the big bad wolf?

2007-05-30T17:41:00.001-05:00

Yesterday a woman died because she was on a breathing machine when the electricity at her home was cut off due to the bill not being paid. Now everyone is placing blame on the power company and the contractor of course. The company says that they were not aware of the facts. What if the power company is right when they say they didn’t know that there was a life threatening situation…cuz if they were aware…I’m sure it wouldn’t have gone that far, would it? The family says that the company is lying, and people all around the place are calling for people to be fired and what not.

There was a mistake made here without doubt. And it is something that has to be investigated. But isn’t it sad that when something happens and it is a case of common man vs big corporate, the corporate is always shown to be the bad guy? Is that always true though? I mean even a corporate is made of humans. If the contractor had been made aware of the fact that cutting power could lead to health problems, wouldn’t he have taken that into consideration?

Plus, when a home’s power is about to be cut, wouldn’t the family have gotten a few letters saying their power would be cut if there was no payment made. And if this is true, wouldn’t there have been ways the family could have made a plea stating the circumstances? Also, according to reports the woman died a few hours after the electricity in her home was cut. Why then wasn’t an ambulance called when the machine turned off and she was having trouble breathing? The question that pops into my mind is what the if the electricity had been accidentally turned off – due to a faulty wire perhaps. Would they still blame the company? Actually they probably would.

I might be sounding a little cruel here…and I agree that it was a tragedy. And in the end it could get proven that the company in fact did know of the situation and yet acted as they did. But why are people just assuming that the company must be to blame even before anything has been investigated? Is that really fair?

Does true love exist?

2007-05-20T19:52:00.001-05:00

Yes I know there are a lot of happy couples out there that believe that they are truly in love. I am not trying to be cynical here at all. In fact I believe in love completely. But of late I have started to question whether what we believe is love is the true definition of love. But then, I suppose love is defined however we wish to define it.

So what is true love to me then? I thought I knew but as I grow up I'm not quite sure any more. And if I'm not even sure of what it is, how will I ever find it? But to find it - it has to exist right? Which brings me back to my original question.

What am I trying to say here? To be completely honest I'm not sure. Just that I wonder if what some people say - that someone out there was made for you - and that person is your soulmate - your one true love. And when you meet that person, you will somehow know. Really? But what if I dont meet that 'one'? Destiny you say? Ok so my destiny takes me to him and I happen to sit next to him on the bus. What next? How am I supposed to know?

The thing is I was never a big believer in destiny. I used to think that we make our own future and we can do what is right for us. But then something happened to change that thought. Something that made me realise that I'm not quite as powerful as I thought, and somethings are actually beyond my control, and no matter how much I try to change something, if it wasn't meant to be, it wont be. That's what the whole concept of destiny is right? Hence maybe I'm starting to believe in destiny.

And because of that my idea of love is starting to change too. Love to me was always an extension of friendship. That you meet someone and become such close friends that the idea of spending your life with them sounds like the most beautiful future you could think of. That you make a relationship happen, you make that commitment, and you take that risk even when things are against you. But what if I'm wrong? What if the whole destiny thing is correct and one day I will run into that 'one' that is my perfect other half (not that I believe in perfection in relationships...my favourite quote about relationships happens to be "A great marriage is not when "perfect couple" come together. It is when an imperfect couple learn to enjoy their differences"). What I mean is what if there is someone out these in the world who I am meant to be with?

And if there is, I want to find that person. I guess that goes against the whole destiny thing. So I'm contradicting myself. But it might be because I dont quite want to let go of my whole 'I make my own future' thing. Anyway, I have started to mumble and blabber...and havent really made much sense.

Anyway, while my practical side tells me to stop being a silly dreamer, a small part of me does hope that the romantic notion of 'the one' is in fact true - and that all my life will lead to that one moment when I find that person and know that he is it. :)

Just one line

2007-05-20T19:48:00.001-05:00

Read a quote that I had to put in here...sums up everything about having faith so nicely to me:

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous"

Could anything be scarier?

2007-05-17T04:07:00.000-05:00

I used to wonder about the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. I used to think isn't it more important to put a criminal behind bars. But then I think about the David Bain case. Of course I dont know if he is in fact guilty or not. But what if he isn't? Thirteen years ago his entire family was killed. And at the age of 22 he was charged with the five murders and sentenced to life. Now, all these years later a court has said that the investigation carried out wasn't just and that may mean that he was innocent after all. Imagine that. A 22 year old man spends 13 prime years of his life in prison when he did nothing at all.

I recently saw a news program about a group in the US who is working on proving innocent some people who were wrongly convincted. There were men who had gone to prison in their twenties and finally got out in their fourties. And they get some measly compensation. How can you put a price on twenty years of a person's life? Some of the men talked about how they feel they may never be able to lead a normal life - they have no partner, no children, no career. Where do they even start?

Maybe there is a lot of truth in the 'innocent until proven guilty concept'. Because it sure is worse to put an innocent man in jail than let a guilty man go free. I just cant see it any other way. What if it was you or me? Imagine that. Being in prison for all those years knowing the whole time that you did nothing.

The very thought gives me goosebumps.

Big Brother is here

2007-05-17T03:57:00.001-05:00

The so-called "anti-smacking bill" just got passed through parliament. Apparently now parents are no longer allowed to use any sort of physical force towards their child in order to discipline or correct them. I am all for not hitting children, but isn't this taking it a bit too far? I mean I can remember only 2 times in my entire life that I was hit by my parents, and I know that each time I more than deserved it. But thats precisely the point - I never forgot those times. It does make a difference. It should only be used as a last resort of course, but to say that parents have no rights to decide how to bring up their children is truly sad. As I said, big brother is here. Now people are told how to raise their children?

The ironic thing is that I cant really see a lot of good coming out of this in the first place. I mean perhaps the intentions were in the right place - there are some parents out there who do physically abuse their children - and that is not alright. But will this really stop those people? Is a drunk angry father who needs to take out his frustration on someone going to stop and think about the anti-smacking bill before he hits his child? And if you argue that this gives right of prosecution to the police - they already had that anyway - because it is already a crime to abuse a child. The only thing was that if it was not a huge incident and used to correct the child, it wasn't categorised as a crime.

But now it is. Sure, apparently the opposition came up with a compromise where the police have the ability to use their discretion regarding the seriousness of the incident, and thus can decide whether to prosecute. But the point is, come six weeks, as soon as you so much as touch your child with a miniscule amount of force, you are technically a criminal. Sure, noone may complain, but is a thief who isn't caught by the police not a criminal?

And then when it comes to complaining, can you imagine what kids can do with this. Kids today are so media aware that of course they will bring this up with their parents. My mother is a teacher, and she tells me that seven and eight year old kids know that if a teacher uses any physical force towards a child, she is liable to the police. And they dont stop from using this as a threat. So how would you stop a child saying to a parent 'dont you dare touch me or I'll call the police'. What will happen to basic respect that a child has for a parent? And what kind of a society will that be?

Indentity crisis? - i think not!

2007-05-06T21:34:00.000-05:00

Last week marked the anniversary of me moving to New Zealand. 12 years ago. Which now officially makes me half Indian and half Kiwi. Now I have read a lot of books and seen enough movies about immigrants feeling lost and not being comfortable in either country. But thankfully, I have never felt that way. In fact, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to be a part of two cultures, that I have a bit of each in me – and I love what that makes me. I don’t think I would have been quite the same person otherwise. I can better understand what is good and bad about each culture. I can appreciate people better. I can be more open minded and less judgemental of people. And I can have two different perspectives on most things I do by just questioning myself. I think it is quite simple to live this life without feeling pressured by either culture. You just need to realise what is important to you, and where your principles stand. For me I know that I can never let go of the values and respect that being Indian has given me. Yet I have the spirit and the friendliness and the don’t-take-yourself-too-seriously attitude of the kiwis. I’m not quite sure why characters in books and movies go through such identity crises – doesn’t being a part of two cultures just make life more interesting?

The best feeling ever...

2007-05-06T21:26:00.001-05:00

Life has a funny way of making you realise that you’re wrong. In the days leading up to my birthday, for whatever reason, I had been feeling incredibly lonely. And in that feeling had started forget about what I did have…about all the people who were a part of my life. I really had a wake up call on my birthday though (quite literally…with messages wishing me coming in the middle of the night and early in the morning!). But seriously, I was just completely overwhelmed by the wishes that came my way and the incredible set of friends I have accumulated over the years. I’m not quite sure what I’ve done to deserve them, but my birthday made me realise that I should stop complaining about things that no longer exist and stop to savour what I do have in my life. So thank you to all my friends for making me feel so special on my birthday…and I love you all so much.