Dear God

Do I have to give up on worldly pleasures to be one with you? Because I so want to be. Yet I'm not sure I am ready to not care about material things. Why is it that every spiritual guide tells me I must disconnect with myself and everything around me to find you. If you are everywhere why don't I see you like the more learned ones claim they do. I believe I see you, in my heart, in my conscience. Yet should I do more? Should I wait for you to reveal yourself to me in some form the way you have to those who have persevered in their pursuit of you and given up all that is dear to them? And if I must not care about the world to find the eternal truth and you, why did you create the world around me to tempt to be a part of it?

Nature's Fury and more

What a terrible few days. China. Burma. So many people dead. Mother nature can be cruel sometimes. All those children trapped with their parents waiting outside. So many people rendered homeless. Why? What does it all mean.

And as if nature hadn't done enough, man had to have his say too. Bomb blasts in Jaipur. More people dead.

It is scary to think how many people died the last week that weren't supposed to. Or were they? Strange are the ways of God. Yes I am still hanging on to my faith. But looking for an explanation

I don't understand

I keep talking about being optimistic and happy all the time but there are times when I question myself. There is so much happening in the world that is so wrong. But why? If there is a God (and I do believe in my heart that there is) why does he allow these things to happen. Just yesterday when I felt compelled to research Kamal Nath I read so much about the Sikh massacre that happened in 1984 - all done by educated people. And it disturbed me so. So many people dead - so many mothers lost their sons - so many children were orphaned. All for nothing.

I have been a little low all day - I don't quite know why. Maybe it's a combination of what I read and on a smaller scale because a friend of mine who has been dealt a very unfair hand in life, yet takes the blame of this upon herself. And when I got home, the first news article I read shook me completely. About a man in Iraq who mercilessly killed his 17 year daughter, helped by his sons, just because she was caught talking to a foreign man.

I know I have read of things like this many times, but they never fail to sadden me. To kill your own daughter and sister? What human being can bring himself to do that - and to be proud of it too? Why is life so unfair to so many people in so many ways? To good people. The girl in this case did nothing wrong - she was helping other people. Yet to die such a horrid death - and have your killer go free (and even respected as a hero) - what did she do to deserve that?

My 'about me' talks about feeling blessed - and I agree I do. But sometimes I wonder about how unfair that is. I haven't done enough good in my life to deserve so much happiness. While I am thankful to God for all he has given me, I don't understand why. What about everyone else? Why do so many continue to suffer? Why is it that the world is so divided in terms of fortune - some have everything and the others have worse than nothing? Why?

The power of prayer

Inspired by another blog by a friend I read which talked about the point in praying…

I am starting to wonder if praying for something particular has any effect on God. There was something recently that I prayed very very hard and very long for but didn’t get…so does that mean I should lose faith in God himself? Well thankfully, I haven't and my faith continues to stay strong. I've realised that whatever God has given me or hasn't given me is perhaps what is best for me. I obviously cant understand the reasons why things happen sometimes, but who am I to question Him?
Which brings me to the question that I have always wondered about…

I keep saying 'everything happens for a reason, just wait for the reason to happen'…that would mean I believe in destiny right? But I also believe that it is me who makes my destiny…such a contradiction…and I have no idea what I believe.

One thing that I do believe in is God. That as long as my conscience is clear, God is always there for me and he wont let me go down the wrong path. And if I do, he'll give me a sign…as he always has. There have been times in life where my faith has faltered and I've wondered if there really is a God..and if He exists, why He let me be hurt. But perhaps it was all to help me grow as a person. To teach me to deal with the world. Because through every test I know I have grown. And I have come out a more confident person.

I've now stopped praying for things to happen. All I pray for every day is for God to always be with me and to help me keep my faith through everything.

Itni shakti hame dena daata
Mann ka vishwaas kamzor ho na

Astrology...a sign from God?

Let me start by saying that I have always been a big cynic when it comes to astrology and all those so-called sciences which talk about predicting the future. I do believe in destiny to a certain extent, in the sense that nothing happens without the will of God, but I also believe that God expects us to write our own path in life. While I believe that even things that seem wrong happen due to a purpose, I refuse to believe that I have no say in my life. I may sound contradictory here but well that’s just how it is.

Anyway a few days ago I was out in town with a friend where in a bar they had a lady who was doing tarot card readings. Both of us thought that it would be a cool idea to see what she would have to say about us. However, she had been booked out for the night. But being girls well the idea kind of stuck and we decided we should go find a tarot reader the following day and that’s what we did. We paid for a half hour reading (though I wondered what anyone could possibly talk to me for half an hour about!) and went in feeling sceptical to say the least, but nevertheless curious.

I walked in and the lady asked me what it is I wanted to find out. There was actually something that had been nagging my mind for a long time but since I didn’t believe any of this anyway and was only there for a bit of fun I didn’t say anything. I just told her that this was my first time. She shuffled the cards and asked me to pick out a few. I won’t elaborate on what exactly she told me but the things she knew and the things she said made me nearly fall off my chair. How could she possibly have known all that? Here I was, Miss I-Don’t-Believe-In-Astrology listening to her talking about what exactly I was stressed about. In the end she told me that I shouldn’t think too much about the problem as a solution would come forth in a few months. I was very happy that’s for sure. However, the cynic in me still refuses to die and I wonder if it could have all been a coincidence. I certainly hope not.

There is something that my mum told me when I told her about what happened though. Something that did reaffirm my faith. She linked the tarot reading to something I had always believed in anyway. That God is watching everything and he sometimes does things which we cant explain. She said that perhaps this was God’s way of telling me that things would turn out ok. That I should just let things sort themselves out and in the end I would be happy. And this was just a time when I was so depressed that I had started to wonder if God was thinking about me at all, and if he was, why was I going through this phase.

But I do feel better now. Strangely enough, due to the one thing I never had any belief in. Astrology. So thank you Tarot lady for making me believe. Or rather for reaffirming my faith in God. For making me believe that things will be ok. For giving me this sign from God.