I'm now 33.33% an MBA!

With the assumption that I have passed my exams! :)

Second quarter through and tomorrow I leave for a trip to China and Korea. Will be amazing. I think I need to start keeping a travel log. I've seen all these great places but in the future they will just be a distant memory - and I think I'd like to remember how I felt about each place. Will start with this trip - at least make sure I make one blog entry for every city I visit. I did start this when I went to Europe - but only managed to do two out of the four cities - my laziness then caught up. Perhaps one of these days I'll do a recap of what I thought of the other places I've been to as well.

Here's a random photo - I have no idea what it is or when I took it - but it kind of looks cool. I think! :)

Grades = Success?

Have an exam in two hours - and though I think I will be ok...I do sometimes wonder what the purpose of exams is. Is it a measure of how good you are? I have known people through college who probably had the best knowledge of a subject and yet could never get past a B - and others who may not have understood what was going on yet got straight As. (and I'm ashamed to say sometimes I felt like I was part of the latter group - I have As is courses that I'm not sure I did actually understand everything - yet probably knew what the teacher expected). Just doesn't seem fair.

And what are grades anyway? What does an A mean against a B? If I have an A does that mean I am better than you? Better how? All seems to silly and pointless. How can this single letter be some way to tell me that I have been successful or I haven't. Isn't there so much more to being 'better' or being successful. Oh well, I suppose when you live in a world, you abide by the rules - and these letters seem to mean something here. So I shall go back and attempt to get that A.

Speaking of success - brings me to my favourite quote(I wish blogger.com would stop telling me I have a spelling error every time i type 'favourite' - what if I dont wish to go the american way and drop the u??). Anyway back to the quote - this pretty much sums up everything I believe about life and success:

“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded..”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time flies and I wonder what is ahead

Yesterday a friend of mine put up photos online that were from four years ago. Now I cant decide if that feels like it was just yesterday - or it actually feels like it was a lifetime away. I get both feelings, isn't that bizarre? But I do have to say that time definitely flies. It definitely feels like just yesterday I was thinking about coming to business school - and now I'm close to the end of my second quarter - which marks the completion of 33% of my degree.

Sometimes I feel I came back to school to escape reality for a while, and that is exactly what it is. Being here in this artificial environment thinking we're all invincible (though you get a wake up call from that during recruiting season). But if time goes so fast, it means I have to go back to the real world again and soon. Am I ready for that? And this time it will be for real. When I finished my undergrad, I went back to do a masters - prolonged being a student for a little longer. But even when I did start working, I continued to live at home. And that is far from reality. I still had the comfort of knowing that if I screwed up my parents were there to stop me. Coming to business school is my first sense of independence and 'taking care of myself'. But then, as I said this is artificial too.

So what will happen in an year and a half when I step out into the real world. Alone.

And it keeps going

DING DING DING...so goes the sound. One rejection after the other, and the old ego is suffering. No matter how hard you try to keep up a brave face at one point you do start to wonder - inspite of all the reassurances we have been given that EVERYONE lands an internship (am i going to be an exception to that rule??). Oh well I suppose it's still early days and I mustn't give up hope, but damn this isn't easy! But I suppose life never is. Which makes me wonder - maybe I have had it too easy till now in life. Getting everything I wanted without having to struggle. Maybe this is life and I'm finally getting to experience it?

Oh well, I shall not think about such things - and head to New York for a fun weekend. Ok at least i will TRY not to think about this! Either way - New York here I come :)

Thinking about options

The one strange thing about business school is that while a lot of people still seem confused about what they want to do when they leave this place, they are expected to make fairly significant decisions within a month of starting. What sort of jobs do I want to recruit for, for my internship? Thats the burning question at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea. One part of me is ok with that because after all its just an internship right? But on the flip side of that is the number of second years I see who are just accepting offers from the companies they did their internship in, or are at least sticking to the function/industry. Does that mean I should know too?

I hope not! And I hope I can use my internship as a complete experiment. Thats my thought at the moment. What am I thinking of specifically? Well there's a side of me that has for the past couple of years had a burning desire to go and work in india (and yes, cheesy as it may sound, the movie Swades did have just a little to do with it). But seriously, the opportunities there are completely limitless. And I see it as a market that I can create my own place in. Everything is growing and the potential is just amazing. The big question behind that however is will I like working and living there? I absolutely love india, dont get me wrong but I left it when I was a child - and I'm sure working there is a whole another deal from going on a holiday. But then the internship is the perfect time to test this right? And also to explore what sort of roles I could have in the industry that I like.

The only thing I am scared of is getting caught up in the big recruitment drive when everyone else is doing it. I mean I know I will still try for internship placements at a select few companies here, but my heart really lies in wanting to go back to where my roots are. But then there's the thing that I dont know what sort of internship I could get in india - so thats something else I need to look into. And its scary to have to go about this alone - the easier option is just to go for a big company that's on campus ready to take me isn't it? Also, the idea of taking up a good internship and doing well in it and taking up an offer from the same company (thus avoiding a stressful recruitment period next year) sounds so tempting!

Lets just hope I dont get lazy, and I follow my heart back home :)

And life goes on

So I've had my first 10 days of real classes - and it has been bloody real. I cant believe I'm actually living out of an outlook calendar, to the extent that I've blocked out bits to go to the gym (the fact that I didnt get my ass in the gym is a whole another deal of course). I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have no idea what my next task is - and yet I just feel like hanging out with people. So yes folks I'm at business school. I cant really complain cuz I am having a good time, and hopefully things will settle a little in the next week or so - there's just too much kicking off going on at the moment - every single club seems to be having one of those and I'm totally kickoff-ed out! Why do I go to all those things then? Apparently I have a case of FOMO - fear of missing out - but I do know people who have it a lot worse - so *shrug* cant complain.

Think I'm finally figuring out what I might want to do - actually no - but at least I do know a few things that I dont want to do - so I suppose thats a start. Everything's such a mixed bag though. If there's one thing I have learnt in these first few days - its to take everything with a pinch of salt. Whatever it is - professional choices, social activities, clubs - I have heard a whole range of reactions to every single thing. So in the end I guess I just have to experience it and find out myself. But how the hell am I supposed to experience SO many things?! But if I dont, what if i miss out?

Anyway enough complaining! I am having a good time here - meeting some really nice people - and learning so much its incredible. So I really shouldnt complain. I chose to come here - and I dont regret that choice. Actually no. I do have one last complaint. This place is too filled with married or committed guys - what happened to all the single ones? What was the point of coming here again? hehe! :)

Oh to be a student again!

Here I am on the eve of my first exam at Bschool - happily finding every excuse I can to avoid doing any real work - my current one being - my blog REALLY needs to be updated!

Anyway let's just ignore the exam for now - cause apart from that I've loved every minute of being here. I'm so so glad I made this choice. I do realise that work will get a lot harder and a lot more stressful - considering I'm only doing one paper now and I already feel like I'm doing too much work (isn't being back here about fun?) - I'm not sure how it will be once I have my full courseload. Oh well - will see when it happens.

Its amazing however how quickly I've made friends here. Met some great people - and thankfully have an awesome roommate. Every day after class there ends up being a gathering of people talking about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything - its crazy to be able to open up so much to people who were strangers just 3 weeks ago - wow! three weeks! that sounds like nothing at all. Funnily enough, while these three weeks have gone at jet speed, it also feels like I've been here forever and known these people for ever! Can you believe me, my roommate and another friend were trying out clothes for an upcoming formal at 1 in the morning when we really should have been studying for the exam? Now thats friendship! :)

So what have I learnt from being here so far. Well my first lesson was the world is a bloody small place. In these three weeks these are the connections I have found to people here - two people I met here when to primary school with two of my closest friends in India and Africa. My roommate knows someone who is in business school with a friend of mine. And the strangest thing of all - someone whose blog I used to visit (and who commented on mine a couple of times) is now in business school with me and lives just two floors above. And I thought the world was made of 6 billion people. I guess there's a LOT of truth in the whole six degrees of seperation. And I used to think it only happened in new zealand! :)

More lessons from business school - I reallllly need to get my head around what exactly it is I want to do with my life. People here seem so focused - Investment banking, consulting, private equity blah blah - i barely even know what these things are. What to do what to do. I'm just a poor confused child who came here cause I didnt want to work any more (well for two years anyway!). No but seriously, it can be a little intimidating. Of course not as intimidating as hearing some of the amazing achievements of my classmates in their lives before bschool. I so dont fit in here - and I'm not even sure how I got in. I'm grateful for sure - but also dead scared.

So many smart people - and then there's me. I guess thats a reminder to myself that I really should go do some study. So thats that then. Back to the books...

Decisions can be stressful

A while ago someone I knew who was going through a phase where they couldn’t decide between two paths that life had put in front of them. They were both amazing opportunities and I couldn’t understand why it would be so difficult because either way, you win. Now I understand. Sometimes, choosing between two great options can be the hardest thing to do. The past few days I've been stressing over two absolutely amazing schools, either of which I would have accepted in a flash. But what do I do now? Its so funny. A few months ago if someone had told me I would be worrying about this, I would have laughed in their face. But when you start to think about which is better it can be scary. Someone says A will be good for me, and another says B will be good for me. And these are all people whose opinions I trust and value. I know what I wanted. I know where my heart lies. But here I am being given a 100 reasons why something else is better.

Which makes me wonder...Do I really know what's good for me? Do I know more than all these other people with more experience and knowledge? Cant say how worried I have been inside (though I've managed to maintain a fairly calm exterior). Wondering whether I should trust my own judgement. And my gut feel. Was I being too sentimental? Was I not taking more important issues into consideration? Started to wonder about my reasons for picking what I did in the first place. The idea of turning down the other school was tearing me, but how would I feel if I had to turn down the first place? Definitely worse! That I know. But still…why were all these people telling me that the other option was better for me. There has to be some truth.

But then, I read a quote somewhere that there are no bad decisions except those that are influenced by others. Perhaps that was a sign of some sort? And so it is. I have decided to follow my heart and my instinct. And I hope and pray that it is the right decision for me. Actually no. I believe it is. Because I have decided to believe in myself!

As an aside…someone told me today, that I've decided to take on a very demanding degree...in a very competitive school…and maybe this was a little preview into the next 2 years of my life! :)