The best man I will ever know

A couple of weeks ago it was fathers day in the US, but I think it is on a different day in new zealand so I don't know when to wish my dad. But then, every day is fathers day because without my dad I would be nobody and I don't just mean that in the literal sense.

Last week I had a bit of a crisis and I think it was him worrying a lot more than I was. But then perhaps the reason I wasn't worrying was because I knew he was there and somehow he would magically make all the problems go away - and he did!

What can I say about him? At time we are such opposites that he drives me crazy with his views on what I should do. I fight with him like there's no tomorrow - and it happens that once in a while we are both so pigheaded that neither wants to see the other's point. Then I realize that maybe we aren't so different after all. And sometimes I just give in because I would rather do something that makes him happy than be stubborn.

Because ever since I can remember, he has done everything possible and more to make me happy. I don't actually remember ever asking him for something and not getting it - more often than not I have had it before I have even asked for it. I am yet to figure out how he knows.

At the end of the day he's just there. At the other end of the phone any time of day or night - whether it is for silly things like me being lost (yes I actually call long distance to find directions when I'm lost - that's how dependent I can be on him) or stressing about exams. He's always there. And I thank God every day for that.

Children

At work today there was a picnic for all the employees' kids - not that I have any of my own but I thought to stop by the picnic where they had a person doing an animal show. I was amazed - not by the huge reptiles, though those were pretty incredible too - but by the questions children ask. Their sense of wonder at the world in all things we consider small and insignificant. The world is filled with things that we should all feel like that about, yet we pass them by everyday never stopping to look and wonder. It must be nice to be young enough and innocent enough to appreciate the little things. I so wish to be a child again so I can just live. So I can be innocent again. So I can see things the way I used to.

Where and how do we lose that innocence and our sense of wonderment towards the world? Does knowledge and experience get rid of that? Or is it the drudgery of everyday life? Here we are earning money, supposedly making the world a better place - being a doctor, an artist, a mother. But are we really enjoying the world the way we once did? And if not was all the knowledge and 'maturing' worth it?

On another note, watching kids makes me realize every time how much I love them. And how much I would one day like to have my own. Yet thinking about this already makes me scared of the day that they in turn lose their innocence and stop being children. I know it sounds silly but how will i live on that day?

Aamir

Not Khan but the movie. Definitely the best movie I've seen this year. I saw good reviews but thought it was one of those things that a lot of Indian reviewers do where as soon as a movie is even mildly 'different', everyone is applauding it whether it's a good movie or not. Reservation number 2 from me - Rajeev Khandelwal. Never liked his Balaji show, and thought his acting was just so cliched. And so many TV actors do inconsequential movies just to return to the small screen after failing.

But God I hope he doesn't fail. The man is brilliant here. Through the whole movie he says very little, yet you feel like you are inside him - going through everything he is going through - seeing the world through his eyes. And what a world. Mumbai as I never knew it was. The slums. The dirt. Everything feels so real you can almost touch it. The music and the sounds are still playing in my ears. Speaking of which you wouldn't think a movie like this leaves space for good music but another surprise - I'm downloading the songs right now.

At the end of the day I give all the credit to the director - rarely have I seen a hindi movie where I felt like I was experiencing what was on the screen - I was the protagonist and I was going through these bizarre events. Because I am not super human. I react like any normal human would. Yet perhaps in every normal human, there is the ability to be more.

I won't reveal beyond that...all I will say is watch the movie!!

Time flies and how

Lying in bed I just realized that it is my penultimate night in this room. It just seems like yesterday when I walked in (with uncle and aunt in tow to make sure i 'settled in' ok). I remember being a little worried, yet definitely excited. First time away from home - big moment, blah blah. How would I handle it? What would the people be like? Would I fit in?

And here I am - end of my first year - half an mba and about to step back into the real world, even if it is only for 10 weeks. Am I ready for it though? Yes and no. Actually, more no than yes. While it will be interesting to be out there working and fun to not have tests and assignments to worry about, I don't know if I want to leave yet.

The place that I was so unsure about just 9 months ago now feels like home. So I wonder - if I'm homesick while away on my internship would i be missing my actual home or this place here?

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Putting in a plug for a friend's site

http://www.indiatvads.com/

i've always loved indian adverts

there's some awesome one's from the past here...definitely makes you nostalgic :)

My life the musical

I'm not a big fan of blog tags but this one from Amrit was too interesting to pass up...if my life was a musical what would the songs be...so here goes nothing

a lot of them probably don't fit but went with what i could think of... :)

Opening credits: Barso re Megha - Guru (sorry i had to be a little narcissistic here!)

Waking up: Beautiful day - U2

Average day: Jeene ke ishaare - Phir Milenge

First date: Aaj mausam beimaan hai - Loafer

Falling in love: When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating/ Aaj jaane ki zid na karo - Farida Khanum

Love Scene: Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge / Everything I do - Bryan Adams

Fight Scene: We will rock you - Queen

Breaking up: Chalte Chalte - Chalte Chalte

Getting back together: Build me up Buttercup - The Foundations/ Mitwa - Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Secret love: Pyar Hua Chup ke se - 1942 A Love Story

Life’s ok: Aashayein - Iqbal

Mental Breakdown: Itni shakti hamein dena - Ankush/ Maula - Chak de India

Driving: I'm a believer - Smashmouth/Hotel California - The Eagles

Learning a lesson: Haan Yehi Rasta Hai - Lakshya

Flashback: Linger - The cranberries/ Jab Koi Baat Bigad jaaye - Jurm

Partying: Say na Say na - Bluffmaster/ Namak - Omkara

Happy Dance: Mucho Mambo (sway) - Shaft

Regretting: Drive - Bic Runga

Long night alone: Its all coming back to me now - Celine Dion/Tadap Tadap - Hum Dil De Chuke

Death Scene: Rote Hue aate hain sab - Muqaddar ka Sikandar

Closing Credits: Livin on a prayer - Bon Jovi

Dear God

Do I have to give up on worldly pleasures to be one with you? Because I so want to be. Yet I'm not sure I am ready to not care about material things. Why is it that every spiritual guide tells me I must disconnect with myself and everything around me to find you. If you are everywhere why don't I see you like the more learned ones claim they do. I believe I see you, in my heart, in my conscience. Yet should I do more? Should I wait for you to reveal yourself to me in some form the way you have to those who have persevered in their pursuit of you and given up all that is dear to them? And if I must not care about the world to find the eternal truth and you, why did you create the world around me to tempt to be a part of it?

More Istanbul...

More of the magical City


The Hagia Sophia


The Blue Mosque


Bridge separating Europe and Asia...and that beautiful water I couldn't get over


There's that mix of amazing architecture against the backdrop of water that I so fell in love with

Europe to Asia all in a day - Istanbul

What a gorgeous city! I wish I could have stayed longer. I even momentarily considered moving there - when I saw some of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen in my life - only to realize that even if I did I'd never be able to afford them. Unless I find me a rich hubby...hmmm...lol :)

But seriously, there was something about Istanbul. There are two things I love on holiday - to be in or near water, and to see a part of history. And here there was both. The Hagia Sophia and the blue mosque had amazing art and architecture. And oh the history! A building that has been around for centuries or millenniums even..to stand in there and read about everything the building has gone through right from the 4th century. To think about everyone who has probably stood on the same spot that you are!

My highlight of the trip however was the Basilica Cistern (photo here). Entirely underground, with water and beautifully lit. There was a peaceful yet eerie feeling all at once. Definitely one of the most memorable buildings I've seen in my life.

And then there was the water. Blue. Clear. Pristine. I must have been a fish (or a mermaid perhaps! ;) ) in a previous life the way i get excited every time I see water. We caught a ferry that took us in the Bosphorus channel that separates the European and the Asian sides of Istanbul (which I thought was pretty cool in itself) - and it was during this that I saw those houses overlooking the channel...*sigh*. See it is something to do with the water. I'm sure that mermaid theory is true!

And the two guilty pleasures of Istanbul - the food and the jewelery! The amount we ate in two days was probably what I eat in a week. And the jewelery - if only I had the money, I'd have bought it all!! If I start talking any more about them, I will start craving both...so I'll stop now :)

Nature's Fury and more

What a terrible few days. China. Burma. So many people dead. Mother nature can be cruel sometimes. All those children trapped with their parents waiting outside. So many people rendered homeless. Why? What does it all mean.

And as if nature hadn't done enough, man had to have his say too. Bomb blasts in Jaipur. More people dead.

It is scary to think how many people died the last week that weren't supposed to. Or were they? Strange are the ways of God. Yes I am still hanging on to my faith. But looking for an explanation

Finding myself?

I was talking to a friend about the article I mentioned below - and how once in a while I question why if God exists, he allows such atrocities to happen in the world. My friend questioned my assumption in the first place - that God exists. What is God he asked me? My conscience - God is within me - He is who makes me not do something wrong. Then what about that man, he questioned. Did the God within him make him do what he did to his daughter? I had no response. Then we talked about Buddha - how He went out into the mountains and put himself through so much hardship believing that He would find God. And just when He thought He did, he realized how wrong he had always been. He instead found himself. He had never been the Prince Siddhartha or Gautama - he had always been Buddha. And that was the truth.

Find yourself, my friend said, don't question the world and what is right or wrong, but who you are. But how? Who am I? And what do I do to find myself?

I don't understand

I keep talking about being optimistic and happy all the time but there are times when I question myself. There is so much happening in the world that is so wrong. But why? If there is a God (and I do believe in my heart that there is) why does he allow these things to happen. Just yesterday when I felt compelled to research Kamal Nath I read so much about the Sikh massacre that happened in 1984 - all done by educated people. And it disturbed me so. So many people dead - so many mothers lost their sons - so many children were orphaned. All for nothing.

I have been a little low all day - I don't quite know why. Maybe it's a combination of what I read and on a smaller scale because a friend of mine who has been dealt a very unfair hand in life, yet takes the blame of this upon herself. And when I got home, the first news article I read shook me completely. About a man in Iraq who mercilessly killed his 17 year daughter, helped by his sons, just because she was caught talking to a foreign man.

I know I have read of things like this many times, but they never fail to sadden me. To kill your own daughter and sister? What human being can bring himself to do that - and to be proud of it too? Why is life so unfair to so many people in so many ways? To good people. The girl in this case did nothing wrong - she was helping other people. Yet to die such a horrid death - and have your killer go free (and even respected as a hero) - what did she do to deserve that?

My 'about me' talks about feeling blessed - and I agree I do. But sometimes I wonder about how unfair that is. I haven't done enough good in my life to deserve so much happiness. While I am thankful to God for all he has given me, I don't understand why. What about everyone else? Why do so many continue to suffer? Why is it that the world is so divided in terms of fortune - some have everything and the others have worse than nothing? Why?

Its very sad...

We had a great conference at school this weekend. Except - there were protests about a certain speaker. Kamal Nath. I didn't quite know the history there till I decided to look it up. And there is so much there. About his involvement in the massacre in 1984. Whether he was physically involved or just present watching it happen - it is still bad isn't it? There were so many people part of that atrocity - yet so many people got away free. Why? And how can someone with such a reputation be a part of the government. Perhaps I see the point of the protesters. Is that really the person we want to represent India outside our country?

I am blessed!

What did I do to meet such amazing people everywhere I go? I had the best birthday ever and I dont know why I was thinking I wouldn't! People around me just made it so special I nearly cried. What did I do to deserve it? I must have done something really good in my past life.

Quarter life crisis?

I remember blogging a couple of years ago about turning 23 which to me at that time had seemed a big deal. Now that I am on the threshold on 25 I couldn't quite remember why I had felt that way - so decided to go back and read it. Apparently the big deal was that 23 is closer to 25 that it is to 20 - and by 25 I better officially be an adult and have figured out what I want to do with my life.

But here I am at 25 still unsure of what to do. When will I finally grow up?

My birthday this year feels a little strange. Most years I start counting down a few weeks in advance and getting excited about nothing in particular. But here I am just 2 days before the so-called big day feeling a little pensive. What is it that I want from life? Here I am at a great business school, learning so many new things, meeting so many amazing people - who all seem to have life all figured out. Yet here I am almost drifting. But then this is how I've always been - it's just that I have been incredibly lucky to have ended up at the right place every time. I was always afraid that my luck would run out one day, but had hoped that by then I would have started to make decisions based on logic and knowing what I want.

What is it that I feel? People talk about midlife crisis - but is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis too?

Watch this video...

Then tell me...Are you a donor? And if not, why not?

Lest we forget

Interesting how I never made it a point to go to the dawn Anzac service every year while i lived in Auckland (i did a couple of times but was never regular) - but when here someone invited me to come to one, I jumped at the chance. So there I was up at 5 in the morning to get to the 6am service in downtown Chicago, and I'm really glad I went. Was beautiful to listen to the Ode of Remembrance and the Last Post, and to really think about the people who fought out there, for families that lost their sons and their husbands so far away from home.

At the service we ran into a Vietnam war veteran who said he goes to the Anzac service every year because he is happy that at least some war heroes are paid respect to. He said it disturbs him when people ask him why he fought a war - 'hate the war, not the warriors' he said. How true.

I am no fan of war, don't get me wrong, but I have immense respect for soldiers. To put your life in danger and go out there to fight for your country, there is something incredibly honorable in that. Perhaps I am biased. My dad spent 18 years of his life in the army, and I am so so proud of him for it. And well, it was an unfulfilled childhood dream that I would step into his shoes one day. I sometimes wish I had.

Random ramblings

Do we really understand the significance of things in life? Could it be that one moment that seemed entirely insignificant could then go on to shape the rest of your life? A split second decision that you didn't think made any difference changed everything for you...and perhaps you don't even realize it? Is that fate? Or just random coincidences? Do parallel dimensions get constantly created every time you make a decision...if so then wouldn't it be interesting to see the effect of those decisions?

What is happening to me?

Does it ever feel like you end up doing the very things you dislike in other people? And then you start to dislike yourself for it. All my life I could never stand negativity and cynicism - yet of late I find myself being that way. Am I losing my positivity and innocence? A friend once told me that I look at the world with rose-coloured glasses - but I think I liked being that way. Suddenly I feel like I'm losing that and seeing something entirely different. Pray, why is this happening to me? Is age finally catching up? Is it because I am finally out of the protective world that home was? Or maybe it is just a phase...please let it be just a phase. I don't want to add to the already too big list of cynics in this world.

The great supermarket conspiracy

What is it about supermarkets? Are there many people in the world who can actually walk into a supermarket and walk out with just what they came in for? Every time I'm there I seem to come home with all sorts of random things that I didn't know I need - or even wanted! Yesterday I set out with a mission - I needed four things for a dish I was making - just FOUR things - and that was all I would get. But as soon as I walked into the supermarket I started looking at something else and for five minutes had no idea what I had even come in for cause everything else looked really interesting. But I woke myself up from the trance like state and set about my task like a soldier - and actually managed to pick up just the four things I needed (though I had to fight off the temptation to buy anything else - my mission would be unsuccessful) - and made it all the way to the check out counter. So close. And then I saw it. "Exotic Chocolate" - chocolate with really weird flavourings and fillings - salt, chili, even bacon! And for some reason I saw myself pick up the chili flavoured chocolate (my mission all down the drain) and put it in my pile of things. *sigh* Why do I even want chili flavoured chocolate? I dont really. Especially not one that cost me $8 for a tiny slab. So here I am with my exotic chocolate - yet unopened - just so it can remind me of the great supermarket conspiracy and how I got trapped into it.

As an aside - I forgot to wear my watch and looked around for the time, but couldnt find a clock anywhere. Is that just that one supermarket or do supermarkets like casinos not have clocks either?