Monday, May 22, 2006

That horrible number 23!

A few days ago I turned 23 and I’m not quite sure why but suddenly I feel old.
Yes yes I know that it is silly but somehow something kept nagging me at the corner of my mind for a few weeks before my birthday and it was only 2 days before I turned this now dreaded number that I finally knew what it was.

For those wondering why the hell I was analyzing my birthday so much, well that’s just me. A lot of people have told me over the years that I need to get over it, but every year I am completely keyed up as the days of april complete and my birthday draws closer. So what changed this year then? Why did I not look forward to the grand day? Surely I haven’t already reached an age that women start to hide their age! (I mean I seriously can’t be bothered trying to come up with a random number to subtract from my age everytime I am asked how old I am…at least not yet! I was hoping I had another 20 years till I had to start).

So here I was wondering what it was that made 23 a BIG number! I started to count back (as you would) and thought about what each number meant. Till you are 19, you are a teenager. And well, ‘teenager’ is a synonym for ‘do what you want’ isn’t it? Next comes 20, and it seems so close to 19 that you can continue to assume your teenage persona (whether anyone likes it or not)! 21 of course is the grand year of celebration. The welcoming of adulthood. Look at me! I’m an adult now! Yay! Or am I?

Then come 22. Now to be honest I am not sure why this number went to oblivion, because technically I was meant to be an adult. But well, perhaps I thought it was too close to 21, so I could still celebrate ‘coming of age’ (yes I know, I need to get over the whole ‘close’ thing…but perhaps it will help me with my lie-about-how-old-you-are quest in my middle-age…I mean isn’t 49 close to 45…which is close to early 40s!). Anyway so once 22 is done, here is 23 and all of a sudden I’m left wondering where all the years went!

TWENTY THREE! That’s closer to 25 than 20 (there’s that ‘close’ thing again, though working against me this time!)…and 25 means adulthood without any excuses and no looking back! By 25, you should know who you are and know what you want out of life! And there I had it! That’s what was nagging me! I was going to be 23 and still didn’t really know where I was going in my life. Sure I have a couple of degrees and working at a fairly decent job, but that’s not what I want to be all my life. I’m sure there must be a bigger purpose for my existance. Shouldn’t I have a big amazing goal for my future. An impossible dream of sorts! What is a life without an impossible dream?

So here I am. A 23 year old still in search of my impossible dream. If it is so difficult for me to even think of a dream, how would I ever achieve it???


Amrita said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!! im gonna be 23 in over a week!! noooooooooooo hehe still intend to use the 'close'ness concept to continue with immature behaviour and such... :-) what say!

Abhita Sushumna said...

That is the best attitude to take ...
believe me... when I say that...

I feel Ancient now!