Wednesday, May 24, 2006

My greatest fear

The other day I was reading one of those quick-fire interviews they have with know, 'favourite food', 'what book are you reading at the moment' just for something different I pretended to be a celebrity and started to think about answers for each of those questions, while fantasising that the world would want to know about my likes too (and trying to come up with witty answers so that my pretend fans can marvel at how clever and funny I am! Yes I know! I need to get a life!)

Anyway, so along came a question which had me stumped for a while. 'What is your greatest fear'. Hmmm...i don’t know. I tried to think of a witty answer - 'being asked this question', quite lame huh? (well it wasn't that bad. I came up with better ones...for 'most embarrasing moment', I told me pretend interviewer, 'I'd have another one if I told you'...dont think that's funny either...well you just don’t have a sense of humour then!). So back to my point (Gosh, I get a bit sidetracked sometimes don’t i? I have such a short attention span...there I go again!)..what was I saying.

Oh yes. My greatest fear. What are people generally afraid of. Heights (perhaps I am a little), Water (not at all...i love the water), the dark (again maybe a little). But my greatest fear? Funnily enough the first thing that popped into my head was 'Sharks'. For some reason when I see movies where people are eaten by sharks or lose a limb, I find it completely unnerving. But then I guess most people would, so sharks lost out in the race to be my greatest fear too.

Ok so now that I've blabbed on so much without stating what my fear is, I better do so now. I am scared of being forgotten after I die. And I know that that is my greatest fear. And no, I am not trying to come up with a clever answer for my 'fans' here.

I know that there have been many a days when I have wondered if anyone will think of me after I am gone. If anyone will care. Well that is probably a bit self-sympathising because I'm sure my family and friends would miss me. But for how long will I be remembered? Have I made enough of a difference in the life of anyone (apart from my parents of course) for me to hold a place in their memory forever?

Monday, May 22, 2006

That horrible number 23!

A few days ago I turned 23 and I’m not quite sure why but suddenly I feel old.
Yes yes I know that it is silly but somehow something kept nagging me at the corner of my mind for a few weeks before my birthday and it was only 2 days before I turned this now dreaded number that I finally knew what it was.

For those wondering why the hell I was analyzing my birthday so much, well that’s just me. A lot of people have told me over the years that I need to get over it, but every year I am completely keyed up as the days of april complete and my birthday draws closer. So what changed this year then? Why did I not look forward to the grand day? Surely I haven’t already reached an age that women start to hide their age! (I mean I seriously can’t be bothered trying to come up with a random number to subtract from my age everytime I am asked how old I am…at least not yet! I was hoping I had another 20 years till I had to start).

So here I was wondering what it was that made 23 a BIG number! I started to count back (as you would) and thought about what each number meant. Till you are 19, you are a teenager. And well, ‘teenager’ is a synonym for ‘do what you want’ isn’t it? Next comes 20, and it seems so close to 19 that you can continue to assume your teenage persona (whether anyone likes it or not)! 21 of course is the grand year of celebration. The welcoming of adulthood. Look at me! I’m an adult now! Yay! Or am I?

Then come 22. Now to be honest I am not sure why this number went to oblivion, because technically I was meant to be an adult. But well, perhaps I thought it was too close to 21, so I could still celebrate ‘coming of age’ (yes I know, I need to get over the whole ‘close’ thing…but perhaps it will help me with my lie-about-how-old-you-are quest in my middle-age…I mean isn’t 49 close to 45…which is close to early 40s!). Anyway so once 22 is done, here is 23 and all of a sudden I’m left wondering where all the years went!

TWENTY THREE! That’s closer to 25 than 20 (there’s that ‘close’ thing again, though working against me this time!)…and 25 means adulthood without any excuses and no looking back! By 25, you should know who you are and know what you want out of life! And there I had it! That’s what was nagging me! I was going to be 23 and still didn’t really know where I was going in my life. Sure I have a couple of degrees and working at a fairly decent job, but that’s not what I want to be all my life. I’m sure there must be a bigger purpose for my existance. Shouldn’t I have a big amazing goal for my future. An impossible dream of sorts! What is a life without an impossible dream?

So here I am. A 23 year old still in search of my impossible dream. If it is so difficult for me to even think of a dream, how would I ever achieve it???

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Of religions and conversions

I read an article today that really got to me…quite strange because I am not one to have strong opinions about such things in general and I am not one to talk about religion because I truly believe that all religions are the same…and belief is God is a belief in doing the right thing. It really does not matter what name you give to that God. At the end of the day, God lies in your conscience.

Why is it then that people believe one God to be greater than the rest. I am not saying there are no such people in the religion I follow. There definitely are, and I have met many. I am talking here in general.

The article in question that has me agitated talks about how many christian evangelists are targetting students from india who are hindu and trying to convince them to follow christianity. They talk about Jesus being the lord. Don’t get me wrong. I am not here to say that Jesus is not the Lord. But why does he have to be the only person that must be followed. They talk about following Jesus being the only part of salvation. But why? Who has given them the right to say that? People apparently have gone far enough to imply that all other Gods and religions may be the work of Satan.

I couldn’t quite pick up on what the author’s standpoint was, and thus am not critisising him because he was merely talking about what is happening. However, I do have a problem with people trying to convert others into another religion. Why can’t every religion just promote faith in general, rather than faith in their own religion? I have great respect for every religion, be it Hinduism, Christianity, Islam or anything else. I have never believe that my religion is the greatest religion of them all. I really cant understand this standpoint.

Most of all, I wonder about the people who do in fact convert. What must go through their minds? Is it pressure of wanting to be like others around them? Or have they really given up on the religion they grew up with?

I don’t know…I am not trying to make a point here. I think I’m just taking out my frustration after reading the article (link below).

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Rain, Rain..Go away?

Its raining like crazy and my beloved cloud 9 has disappeared behind its much darker, stronger here I am with moods just as grey as the sky...

Wouldn't it be lovely if it only rained during the nights when we were all tucked safely into bed...

Though rain sometimes can be beautiful...i remember as a child, running and playing in the rain...looking for puddles to sail my paper boats in...gosh what a stereotype! Seen it in a million movies. Almost makes me wonder if it really is a part of my childhood memories or just something I've decided should be, since kids in movies do?! No but seriously, I'm pretty sure I used to really enjoy the rain as a child.

But for some reason, as I've grown up I just don’t enjoy the idea of going out into the rain. Getting even mildly wet is irritating. Is it because as adults we don’t want to enjoy the little things in life?

I do want to go back to the days when I could enjoy the rain though. Cause it really is a part of nature isn't it. And what would we be without water? So why should we always curse the weather when it rains?

Maybe today once again when I step out into the rain, I will try to feel its beauty rather than run to my car to get out of it. Perhaps cloud 9 is right there if I look up and maybe I just can't recognise it anymore?