Temper, Emotions and other such annoyances

Every bone in my body is filled with emotion of some sort. I like who I am and dont have complaints but sometimes I wonder if the emotions are really a good thing. Nothing in excess can be good for you. Yet I do have it in excess. It makes me feel every little thing that much more. Every small thing hurts and cuts that much deeper. And it can be painful. I wish I could just step back and assess things in a more 'practical', 'simple' way. I wish I didnt have an urge to react everytime something small upsets me. I wish those small things didnt upset me in the first place. Is it under my control though or is it just the way I'm wired. I could blame it on the genes. My dad is probably the world's most emotional man but on the other hand my mum has the world's most stable mind. Especially on a woman. Where do I stand then? At times I can see glimpses of my mum and her level headedness in me but those moments are rare and far between. Rather I see myself get hurt and get upset and get angry. When I really don't want to. Can I really change this part of me? And even if I could - would I want to? Sure it can be annoying. Sure it can mean not being able to deal with problems in a straightforward way. But what if it is the very essence of me and ridding myself of my emotional side removes who I am?

Random Ramblings

I've been very infrequent with my blogging of late. I haven't quite had the inspiration or when I do, I don't have the time. Am I'm developing a fetish for microblogging occassionally through twitter but usually through facebook status messages. 'Tis sad. I know! What happened to the good old days of blogging complete paragraphs? No more no more. An attention span can only last for a few words. I wonder if one day we will actually stop having thoughts beyond one sentence. I'm not even kidding. The internet and all things associated with it have become such a part of our lives that I scare myself sometimes. Especially when I read or hear something funny and have an incredible urge to say 'LOL'. Nope. Not joking. I've wanted to whack myself really hard every single time. So if microblogging becomes the way to talk about your opinions, we'll all start thinking in 140 characters. how awesome would that be? LOL

Though my fascination for twitter is starting to grow. The impact it seems to have had in Iran and to think that many people joining hands in spreading their thoughts can really be heard is amazing. Maybe microblogging really is the new wave.

I didnt actually start this post wanting to talk about new developments in technology! I'll leave that to the real bloggers who write content that people care about. And I will continue with my usual randomness. So why did I start writing today...because I'm desperately trying to pass time and willing every minute to go by faster. My parents are one hour away from the city and hopefully no more than two hours away from here. Cant wait cant wait cant wait. It's been six months and while that may not seem like a lot I know how much I've missed them every moment of it.

But perhaps I need to start getting used to it. I've talked in my previous posts about being excited about getting married and starting a new life. Which no doubt I am. But it doesnt take away the sadness I feel when I realize how far my parents will be. And how i will never now go back home. It's not quite that either. I made a very conscious choice when I decided to get married. He is worth every sacrifice and every change, and I want to make a new home with him. Yet I cant shake off the feeling that the home I knew growing up, the city that I know every street of, the friends who know me inside out, and my parents without who I would be nothing are all so so far away. Thank God for the internet. And the phone. And a salary big enough that I can fly home anytime. And a (to-be) husband understanding enough to humour my whims.

So what was I talking about anyway. Yes. Parents arriving. For the big graduation. Marking the end of two years of studying(?) and the beginning of a new career.

And what an amazing two years they have been. While I did say I was ready to move on, this week I have started to realize just how much I will miss this place and the people I have met. While I can't believe it has been two years since I got here because time really has flown, it also in a strange way feels like I've been here all along. School and everyone in it have become such a part of my life that not seeing them every day will be a strange feeling. I don't think it has quite hit me yet. That soon all the familiarity will be gone.

Moving to a new world. A new life. Away from all things familiar. Away from this amazing bubble that school created for me. It is exciting. But yes I will admit it - a little scary too.

The end of an era

It's almost here. The end of business school. Has it really been nearly 2 years? It doesnt feel like it. Till a few day ago, I was very upset. Sad that the experience is ending. Perhaps scared of real life? But a switch somewhere was flipped and suddenly I'm ready. Sure, I have had an amazing two years and met some really great people, but I think mentally I am nearing the end. The same bubble that seemed safe and lovely is now starting to feel a little claustrophobic. The parties, the socializing, the people. After a while it's all overwhelming. A few days ago I was at a party with many of my friends, yet the vibe, the atmosphere - I just didn't feel a part of it. I'm not quite sure why. Am I over standing around watching people drink themselves silly? Or is just that I am starting to get over the experience itself.

I know I sound terrible and I don't mean to. Because these two years have been two of the best years of my life (though I still don't think it compares to my Undergrad years). I'm just tired. And I'm ready for the next phase of my life. I think the MBA is made to be just enough time to be a great experience without feeling like a drag.

It may have something to do with the fact that every day that I spend here is a day I spend away from a certain somebody. And I'm tired to being so far away from him. It may have something to do with the fact that after spending a weekend with him, I feel like having to spend the next four weeks apart is painful. And a phone call is never enough.

And it may have something to do with the fact that every day of Kellogg that ends brings me one day closer to the biggest day of my life. It's so funny. A friend the other day asked me if I'm stressed about getting married. Am I nervous? I should be shouldn't i? But strangely, I'm not. Most people freak out 2 months before getting married. I on the other hand just want these two months to end.

It truly is the end of an era and the beginning of the rest of my life. A life shared with someone amazing. And honestly, I can't wait.

School and Beyond...

I can't believe in a few more weeks this whole experience will be over. Two of the most incredible years of my life will come to an end and I have no idea where they went. I'm not quite sure what I expected when I came to business school. I have been asked this question by so many prospective students on so many occasions - has the school lived up to your expectations. And I find it hard to convince them that I had no expectations really. I applied to business school cause I wanted a change. I picked the school I did because it "felt" right. And my feeling was correct. There couldn't have been a better school than this and there isn't much more I could have asked for. Every moment of the past 1.5 years has given me so much - be it good or bad, I have learnt more about myself and grown up more than I have in the 24 years prior to this.

But now that it is almost over it is scary to think of the life ahead. Bschool is a bubble where things always turn out ok. But I know it will not be in the real world. As the real world gets closer I wonder what life will be like. What are my expectations now from life? None really. So I guess I'll never know if life beyond business school lived up to my expectations either!

Where do I even start?

It has been so long since my last blog post and so much has happened. Life feels completely different yet feels like it has always been like this.

How did you enter my life and become such a part of it that I don't remember what life was like before you? I have known you but for a few months yet I feel like I've known you a lifetime. How do I describe life and my feelings for you? Love? 'Tis such a small word and one that is used so often and so easily. There must be more.

While I type I can't help but stare at the ring on my finger. One that means more to me than anything has in my life. I can't forget the moment I first saw it and the moment I knew that this was it. Us. That from that moment forward I ceased to be an I and became an us. And I love the new identity. Suddenly I feel complete. And I never knew I was only a half.

I look up and see the plant that I got from you today sitting on my windowsill ready to grow and I can't stop smiling. To open a box and receive something that to me represents life. I can't help but think of what life from this day forward means. A life where we are an us.

Little things that make me smile

i was walking on the street this morning when a group of girl scouts were chanting 'one box left! one box left!'. I went to their table and took out my wallet and the smiles on their faces were something to see. 'You sparkle girl! you sparkle!' said this adorable little 8 or 9 year old and then the smile on my face far exceeded theirs. I walked away hearing their new chant 'we sold out! we sold out!' - that is somewhere in between all their squealing.
And well that little incident took away the stress of the last one week. Little things really do make a big difference.
1 box of cookies - $4...7 little girls squealing and jumping in excitement - absolutely priceless

Moody little me

A woman's mind is a funny thing. It can go from extreme elation to depression all in a day. Not that I'm depressed. But I do feel a little melancholy today. As always I choose to blame it on all the weird hormones my body produces and that I can't control. Convenient I know. What is it about women and moods anyway? Someone once called me moody and I promptly got very annoyed thus completely proving his point. Though I don't really think I am. I just have certain times when I cease being my usual chirpy self and get a little low. I don't like being this way. Being happier is so much nicer. Yet I get this way anyway. How does that work? Why do I get sad without really having any reason to be so? Is it something in my mind that I can't really comprehend or is it some random switch that the hormones have fun playing with every once in a while? I don't even know why I blame the so-called hormones. Probably all bull anyway. But I've heard other girls/women complain about it that way and well I decided I would too. After all, who wants to take blame for something when there is an easier way to pass it off?

Whatever. It is all momentary and I know I will be over it. I just don't like being this way because I am completely unproductive. Worst of all, I don't even do something fun while being unproductive. What's the bloody point then? The dullness outside reflects my mood too. I wonder if that's a sign.

I just talked to dad and as always he could tell within the first 2 syllables I spoke that I was down over something. Unfortunately, while my dad can pick up on that he still believes there has to be a valid reason for it. All these years and he apparently still doesnt quite understand my random lowness and apparently doesnt quite buy the hormone theory (excuse?). Which makes me wonder, will 'he', the-one-without-a-blog-nickname (yes i still haven't thought of a clever one) when faced with my random lowness also wonder about the reason or will he buy the theory or just assume that I am a moody annoying little something-something that must be left alone? haha...

Well thankfully such times have not come about yet...though no doubt they will. When things are so beautiful I shudder to think about the times that they wont be so. About happier things - yesterday was a lovely day. A valentines day made beautiful by a lovely lovely man who sadly is far away. But the beautiful flowers in front of me do remind me of him and the fact that in 5 days I will see him again. And that I'm sure will be one mood uplifter. Hormones or not.

Happy V Day!

Not that I'm a huge believer in Valentines day since every day is a celebration of love (God, could I be any more corny?)...but well it's a beautiful day outside and my heart is filled with love for everyone in my life. And I am just so thankful for all those people...

So to my lovely friends who read my random blabber, my darling dad (who i know reads this) and to my sweetheart...



Thank u for being part of my life :)