Today a very dear friend said something to me that touched me beyond words - " I dont know if ive told u this, but im sooooooooo happy for you. your married life fills me with hope and i dont feel as scared anymore". You know who you are, one of the few who actually reads my random rants, so thank you!
I don't quite know what to say about married life. Something about it reminds me of that book that I saw everywhere called "The Secret". I know it had something to do with being happy but I didn't know what it really was about (probably because I never read it beyond a couple of pages!). I have no idea how that analogy even fits but oh well, my blog, my rules! But in seriousness, I don't know why I was so afraid of it for so long. Like it would mean the end of life as I knew it, the end of freedom, the end of my own identity. It's ridiculous when I think back to how I used to feel. It hasn't taken a single thing away and yet has given me so much. It hasn't taken away my identity but given me someone who appreciates me exactly how I am. And it hasn't been the end of life as I knew it, but the beginning of life as I knew it and life as I didn't. As for the 'freedom', well sure I have more responsibilities and am not at free will to make my own stupid decisions without thinking about it, but that was a ridiculous kind of freedom anyway wasn't it?
So why is it kept such a secret? (Just like that book, where it could change your life people said, but noone knew exactly how) Sure people say marriage will make you happy, but noone says exactly how or why. Most of my friends who got married always said 'married life was great'. But I dismissed it as 'well, what else are they supposed to say'. And my mum must have said to me a million times about how marriage was a good thing and having someone to share your life would be really nice. Blah blah I thought. So much lip service and no real explanation on WHAT it is about marriage that makes it so great. But now I get it, there isn't one specific thing that can be talked about. It is the whole idea of having someone to share your life with and share everything with. Having someone to take care of and having someone to take care of you.
I used to dismiss these things when my mum said it with a simple 'I have the two of you, why do I need anyone else to take care of me'. But well, after just a few months of being married, as I told the same friend, I've realized one thing - no matter how much you love your family and how close you are to them, after you are married, it is you and that person, and the rest of the world. And the existence of that identity and warmth it provides is truly The Secret
4 comments:
:D :D :D Glad to have you writing again! And anytime ;-D
Hey, its so good to see you writing again, I missed it. I completely agree with everything you have said here about marriage, but you have said it a lot more eloquently than I could :-)
The thing that used to really, really put me off about marriage was that it was called "settling down." This immediately led me to have a vision of myself about 20 kilos bigger, stuck in a sofa in a drab living room, living in a small town somewhere, worrying about whether I had paid the rent and the telephone bill and the electricity bill etc. It was the most depressing thought ever! I agree with you, I don't know why they don't tell you the truth about it!! In a believable way!
Two remarkable comments:
1. Please write more often
2. A humble request to shorten your posts - my ADD is st a a r t..i....n...g.... (to kick in, that is). :P
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