Nature's Fury and more

What a terrible few days. China. Burma. So many people dead. Mother nature can be cruel sometimes. All those children trapped with their parents waiting outside. So many people rendered homeless. Why? What does it all mean.

And as if nature hadn't done enough, man had to have his say too. Bomb blasts in Jaipur. More people dead.

It is scary to think how many people died the last week that weren't supposed to. Or were they? Strange are the ways of God. Yes I am still hanging on to my faith. But looking for an explanation

Finding myself?

I was talking to a friend about the article I mentioned below - and how once in a while I question why if God exists, he allows such atrocities to happen in the world. My friend questioned my assumption in the first place - that God exists. What is God he asked me? My conscience - God is within me - He is who makes me not do something wrong. Then what about that man, he questioned. Did the God within him make him do what he did to his daughter? I had no response. Then we talked about Buddha - how He went out into the mountains and put himself through so much hardship believing that He would find God. And just when He thought He did, he realized how wrong he had always been. He instead found himself. He had never been the Prince Siddhartha or Gautama - he had always been Buddha. And that was the truth.

Find yourself, my friend said, don't question the world and what is right or wrong, but who you are. But how? Who am I? And what do I do to find myself?

I don't understand

I keep talking about being optimistic and happy all the time but there are times when I question myself. There is so much happening in the world that is so wrong. But why? If there is a God (and I do believe in my heart that there is) why does he allow these things to happen. Just yesterday when I felt compelled to research Kamal Nath I read so much about the Sikh massacre that happened in 1984 - all done by educated people. And it disturbed me so. So many people dead - so many mothers lost their sons - so many children were orphaned. All for nothing.

I have been a little low all day - I don't quite know why. Maybe it's a combination of what I read and on a smaller scale because a friend of mine who has been dealt a very unfair hand in life, yet takes the blame of this upon herself. And when I got home, the first news article I read shook me completely. About a man in Iraq who mercilessly killed his 17 year daughter, helped by his sons, just because she was caught talking to a foreign man.

I know I have read of things like this many times, but they never fail to sadden me. To kill your own daughter and sister? What human being can bring himself to do that - and to be proud of it too? Why is life so unfair to so many people in so many ways? To good people. The girl in this case did nothing wrong - she was helping other people. Yet to die such a horrid death - and have your killer go free (and even respected as a hero) - what did she do to deserve that?

My 'about me' talks about feeling blessed - and I agree I do. But sometimes I wonder about how unfair that is. I haven't done enough good in my life to deserve so much happiness. While I am thankful to God for all he has given me, I don't understand why. What about everyone else? Why do so many continue to suffer? Why is it that the world is so divided in terms of fortune - some have everything and the others have worse than nothing? Why?

Its very sad...

We had a great conference at school this weekend. Except - there were protests about a certain speaker. Kamal Nath. I didn't quite know the history there till I decided to look it up. And there is so much there. About his involvement in the massacre in 1984. Whether he was physically involved or just present watching it happen - it is still bad isn't it? There were so many people part of that atrocity - yet so many people got away free. Why? And how can someone with such a reputation be a part of the government. Perhaps I see the point of the protesters. Is that really the person we want to represent India outside our country?

I am blessed!

What did I do to meet such amazing people everywhere I go? I had the best birthday ever and I dont know why I was thinking I wouldn't! People around me just made it so special I nearly cried. What did I do to deserve it? I must have done something really good in my past life.

Quarter life crisis?

I remember blogging a couple of years ago about turning 23 which to me at that time had seemed a big deal. Now that I am on the threshold on 25 I couldn't quite remember why I had felt that way - so decided to go back and read it. Apparently the big deal was that 23 is closer to 25 that it is to 20 - and by 25 I better officially be an adult and have figured out what I want to do with my life.

But here I am at 25 still unsure of what to do. When will I finally grow up?

My birthday this year feels a little strange. Most years I start counting down a few weeks in advance and getting excited about nothing in particular. But here I am just 2 days before the so-called big day feeling a little pensive. What is it that I want from life? Here I am at a great business school, learning so many new things, meeting so many amazing people - who all seem to have life all figured out. Yet here I am almost drifting. But then this is how I've always been - it's just that I have been incredibly lucky to have ended up at the right place every time. I was always afraid that my luck would run out one day, but had hoped that by then I would have started to make decisions based on logic and knowing what I want.

What is it that I feel? People talk about midlife crisis - but is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis too?

Watch this video...

Then tell me...Are you a donor? And if not, why not?

Lest we forget

Interesting how I never made it a point to go to the dawn Anzac service every year while i lived in Auckland (i did a couple of times but was never regular) - but when here someone invited me to come to one, I jumped at the chance. So there I was up at 5 in the morning to get to the 6am service in downtown Chicago, and I'm really glad I went. Was beautiful to listen to the Ode of Remembrance and the Last Post, and to really think about the people who fought out there, for families that lost their sons and their husbands so far away from home.

At the service we ran into a Vietnam war veteran who said he goes to the Anzac service every year because he is happy that at least some war heroes are paid respect to. He said it disturbs him when people ask him why he fought a war - 'hate the war, not the warriors' he said. How true.

I am no fan of war, don't get me wrong, but I have immense respect for soldiers. To put your life in danger and go out there to fight for your country, there is something incredibly honorable in that. Perhaps I am biased. My dad spent 18 years of his life in the army, and I am so so proud of him for it. And well, it was an unfulfilled childhood dream that I would step into his shoes one day. I sometimes wish I had.

Random ramblings

Do we really understand the significance of things in life? Could it be that one moment that seemed entirely insignificant could then go on to shape the rest of your life? A split second decision that you didn't think made any difference changed everything for you...and perhaps you don't even realize it? Is that fate? Or just random coincidences? Do parallel dimensions get constantly created every time you make a decision...if so then wouldn't it be interesting to see the effect of those decisions?

What is happening to me?

Does it ever feel like you end up doing the very things you dislike in other people? And then you start to dislike yourself for it. All my life I could never stand negativity and cynicism - yet of late I find myself being that way. Am I losing my positivity and innocence? A friend once told me that I look at the world with rose-coloured glasses - but I think I liked being that way. Suddenly I feel like I'm losing that and seeing something entirely different. Pray, why is this happening to me? Is age finally catching up? Is it because I am finally out of the protective world that home was? Or maybe it is just a phase...please let it be just a phase. I don't want to add to the already too big list of cynics in this world.

The great supermarket conspiracy

What is it about supermarkets? Are there many people in the world who can actually walk into a supermarket and walk out with just what they came in for? Every time I'm there I seem to come home with all sorts of random things that I didn't know I need - or even wanted! Yesterday I set out with a mission - I needed four things for a dish I was making - just FOUR things - and that was all I would get. But as soon as I walked into the supermarket I started looking at something else and for five minutes had no idea what I had even come in for cause everything else looked really interesting. But I woke myself up from the trance like state and set about my task like a soldier - and actually managed to pick up just the four things I needed (though I had to fight off the temptation to buy anything else - my mission would be unsuccessful) - and made it all the way to the check out counter. So close. And then I saw it. "Exotic Chocolate" - chocolate with really weird flavourings and fillings - salt, chili, even bacon! And for some reason I saw myself pick up the chili flavoured chocolate (my mission all down the drain) and put it in my pile of things. *sigh* Why do I even want chili flavoured chocolate? I dont really. Especially not one that cost me $8 for a tiny slab. So here I am with my exotic chocolate - yet unopened - just so it can remind me of the great supermarket conspiracy and how I got trapped into it.

As an aside - I forgot to wear my watch and looked around for the time, but couldnt find a clock anywhere. Is that just that one supermarket or do supermarkets like casinos not have clocks either?

City on Steroids - Shanghai

I had seen a lot of pictures of Shanghai (and Mission Impossible 3) before and I guess I knew it was a big city with buildings everywhere. But nothing could have prepared me for Shanghai. Looking down from the tallest observation deck in the city as far out as the smog will allow you, all you can see are really tall buildings. I mean of course, that in itself is not new - but considering just 10 or 15 years ago, so much of this didn't exist, the city completely stuns you. In the past few months at business school, I've heard India and China talked about in the same breath (albeit everyone does mention that China is ahead as of now) - but I still expected China to be more or less like India. But the infrastructure in China just blew me away. Nothing in India (in any of the cities I have been) can compete.

But then, my perspective on that is that to build a whole city in a communist country is not the same as even building a single structure in a democracy. And well, while Shanghai is amazing, and it would be a dream to achieve something like that in cities in India, I wouldn't give up democracy and freedom for anything. Even if because of it India does take time to play catch up. But this discussion for another day. For now, back to Shanghai.

Our first night in Shanghai was spent on Nanjing road, which is basically a street made of neon lights. The lights are completely blinding! My first meal in Shanghai was interesting to say the least. I ordered a dish called 'Chicken with Capsicum' and when I did, the waitress said 'you want chicken with peppers'? Of course, I said yes assuming that like it would be here, peppers = capsicum. Apparently the translation got lost somewhere, and whoever had written the english menu assumed capsicum means chillies and I received a dish which was 50% red chillies!

Most of my time in Shanghai was spent walking around the streets, shopping, seeing more big buildings (including the interestingly shaped but not-so-appealing-to-me TV tower). I also found out that they were in the process of building the tallest tower in the world - but before they could finish it, the Taipei 101 was built, which will soon be surpassed by the new structure coming up in Dubai - making the one in Shanghai the 3rd tallest.

Some of the interesting things I saw: Old couples practicing ball room dancing in the park; a lot of people practicing martial arts or traditional forms of dance in the park; people stopping you every five minutes on the road asking if you want to buy a rolex or a prada bag (one of these women actually followed a guy in our group around for a long time trying to convince him to get something, anything!). Oh and I rode on the Maglev train - 431 km/h!! But just didnt seem like that big a deal while you are sitting on it. Though it was cool to get to the airport in 7 minutes!

Shanghai was just a brilliant city - buildings, food, shopping, nightlife, people. I was so so impressed. Hats off!

Random

Spotted a really cute guy yesterday at the movies...not that I approached him or anything - but I think I totally blushed when he looked up. Suddenly felt like I was 15 again (and considering I'm turning 25 in a month...well that's interesting!) :)

What an amazing trip!

Back from my trip and my promised travel log has still not happened. But what a trip it was - Shanghai, Beijing, Seoul - each city amazing in its own right. Shanghai for its crazy neon lights and huge buildings. Seoul for its people and food. Beijing for all the history. Every moment was more memorable than the other. But I would say my highlight of the trip was seeing the Great Wall of China. What an appropriate name! It really is breathtaking. Every time I go to a site that is known the world over I realize that the world wasn't joking. The Eiffel Tower brought out a strange sort of romance from within me (completely unexplained). The Tajmahal practically brought tears to my eyes (to think a husband could love to wife to that extent, and to remember that he spent the last years of his life in imprisonment just staring at the Taj). The Great Wall just left me breathless (and not just because I was too unfit to climb!). What a structure - to think it was built all those years ago - and here the world is competing to build the tallest structure. I don't anything will ever compare. That's a little something about my trip for now. More coming up. Hopefully!

Another favourite quote

Since in a post yesterday I mentioned on of my favourite quotes (On Success), here is my other fave:

Khudi ko kar buland itna
Ki har taqdeer sey pehley
Khuda bandey ko khud poocchey
Bataa, 'Teri razaa kya hai?' - Muhammad Iqbal

Translation:

Endow your will with such power
That at every turn of fate
God Himself asks of you
'What is it that pleases thee?'

Powerful words!

I'm now 33.33% an MBA!

With the assumption that I have passed my exams! :)

Second quarter through and tomorrow I leave for a trip to China and Korea. Will be amazing. I think I need to start keeping a travel log. I've seen all these great places but in the future they will just be a distant memory - and I think I'd like to remember how I felt about each place. Will start with this trip - at least make sure I make one blog entry for every city I visit. I did start this when I went to Europe - but only managed to do two out of the four cities - my laziness then caught up. Perhaps one of these days I'll do a recap of what I thought of the other places I've been to as well.

Here's a random photo - I have no idea what it is or when I took it - but it kind of looks cool. I think! :)

Just to make the blog more colourful

I think my blog needs more photos - especially since I love taking pictures...will try to put up some of the ones that I like. Here's one of my fave shots (out of those I've taken). In Jaipur - outside some palace (cant remember which one - there were palaces everywhere - speaking of which, it was an amaaazing city!).

Grades = Success?

Have an exam in two hours - and though I think I will be ok...I do sometimes wonder what the purpose of exams is. Is it a measure of how good you are? I have known people through college who probably had the best knowledge of a subject and yet could never get past a B - and others who may not have understood what was going on yet got straight As. (and I'm ashamed to say sometimes I felt like I was part of the latter group - I have As is courses that I'm not sure I did actually understand everything - yet probably knew what the teacher expected). Just doesn't seem fair.

And what are grades anyway? What does an A mean against a B? If I have an A does that mean I am better than you? Better how? All seems to silly and pointless. How can this single letter be some way to tell me that I have been successful or I haven't. Isn't there so much more to being 'better' or being successful. Oh well, I suppose when you live in a world, you abide by the rules - and these letters seem to mean something here. So I shall go back and attempt to get that A.

Speaking of success - brings me to my favourite quote(I wish blogger.com would stop telling me I have a spelling error every time i type 'favourite' - what if I dont wish to go the american way and drop the u??). Anyway back to the quote - this pretty much sums up everything I believe about life and success:

“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded..”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man-made sunrise!

My flatmate's brother watched the launch of the shuttle Endeavour yesterday. Here's a photo he took. Absolutely stunning! Copyright to Parag :)

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