Congratulations on flushing education down the toilet

Read the following article and please for the love of God explain it to me

HRD orders faculty quota, IIT directors livid

I think it was sometime in the early '90s - I was 7 or 8 and I remember a group of college students broke into our school in protest. I have very vague memories of the incident but remember being told that it had something to do with reservations. It didn't make much sense to me then and a few years after that I moved out of the country thus never really felt the effect of reservation. But as I've grown older and seen how this phenomenon has spread I wonder where it will end.

Don't get me wrong. I am all for inclusive growth and I agree that in India perhaps the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting left behind. But the amount of reservations in the top institutions of India is shocking. Plus when it comes to inclusive growth shouldn't it be based on economic condition as opposed to caste. Yes now there is the whole 'creamy layer' thing but there are so many loopholes in there. Is it really fair that some people have to work so much harder to get into the same colleges just because of being born in an 'affluent' caste - where it could very well be that their parents in fact are not that affluent. Anyway, forget all that - that is an old topic that will never die down, but this article today makes my blood boil. Must affirmative action be carried so far that the education of the country's youth be jeopardized.

What is this new ruling if not that? To start a quota for backward classes in the faculty of the IITs? Could anything be stupider? The IITs have built such an incredible reputation for themselves of shaping some of the brightest minds in the country. People all over the world respect you for being an IITian. And what is a college if not for a great faculty? Is that possible when spots in the faculty (including tenured professors) are given out based on caste? FIFTY PERCENT OF THE FACULTY!!!

I am not saying that there are not great candidates for the roles from this group of people. But will it not be that the deserving ones will apply through the general slots (just like they do as students). And that means that half of the people who are supposed to train the future leaders of the country are not competent enough to do so. What sense does that make?

Explain this to me. I understand that spots are created in undergraduate classes for the underprivileged as they have not had access to the same resources (at the same time I reiterate that these should be based on your economic condition). I then question why there must be reservations in graduate degrees - haven't both X (from a scheduled caste) and Y (from a non scheduled caste) been given access to the same education thus giving them the ability to compete on even ground. But no. Here too X must be given an advantage for whatever reason. Ok I will let that go too. Here's the big question pertaining to the faculty. X got into an IIT thanks to reservation and did ok but not enough to get into a graduate degree on his own merit. Thus X once again applies to get a further education once again through a quota.

At this point X has had 8 years of education with the same 'privileges' that Y did (while Y perhaps had to work that little bit harder to do well enough to get into that graduate degree based only his academics). How then does it make sense that X must be given priority for a faculty position? In these 8 years any difference between X and Y has been wiped out hasn't it? Aren't they at least now equal and shouldn't they be treated equally? In the name of affirmative action, why must Y suffer? What has he done that is so wrong? Will it be that some time in the future Y's children and grandchildren will need the quota because Y lost so many opportunities thanks to reservation? Or is it then surprising that Y decides to give up on the country altogether and leave?

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na - If only...

Every once in a while I watch a movie where I wish I was the character in it. No it doesn't happen in superhero movies. I have no fantasy of flying or saving the world (though come to think of it, it doesn't sound like a bad idea). That feeling usually comes in cute love stories - though not all of them. I always feel that way when watching Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. If I could choose a love story for myself it would be that one. The movie I watched this weekend gave me the same feeling. It was the perfect story - best friends who discover that they have been in love all along. What could be nicer than falling in love with your closest friend. That's always been my dream since I was a child. Yes I admit it - I was the typical girl who dreamed of love since very young :)

Back to the movie - there is a certain freshness about it that really puts a smile on your face - even though there is nothing new to the story and the climax in particular is oh-so-cliched! Yet that cliche seems adorable here. All thanks to the simple script and the amazingly natural acting by the whole cast. Imran Khan makes a fantastic debut - he could pass off as Aamir Khan's son with that same cheeky smile, a smile that is conveyed even through the eyes! Genelia has long been one of my favourites - especially after watching Bommarillu (there's another movie I would love to be a part of!) - there's something about her - she becomes the character and you never for a moment think it is a movie. Everyone is the movie was splendid - I especially loved loved loved the scenes between Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak - great chemistry there!! And I have to mention the guy who plays Genelia's brother - who I later found out is Smita Patil's son Prateik - he is around in just a few scenes - but absolutely fantastic! My favourite two scenes in the movie are those between Genelia and him - first when he confesses he misses her and second when he tells her she is stupid to think of marrying anyone else.

The story of the movie is very simple - two people who have known each other forever refuse to acknowledge that their feelings for each other are anything but platonic. And to prove it to the world, they find each other perfect partners. Only to discover that they can't stand the thought of someone else being closer to their friend. So perhaps friendship is love and love is friendship?

But whether you believe it or not, to everyone I would say - go watch the movie!! And while you're at it - find me a Jai Singh Rathore :)

Kabhi kabhi aditi zindagi mein koi apna lagta hai....

what's going on?

I must be a crazy one for thinking this but is it so wrong to refuse to drink and not have a reason for it? Why do I find myself constantly in a position of having to explain why i DONT drink? While friends I grew up with accepted this from the very beginning moving to the US was another story altogether. People sometimes thought I was acting pricey and sometimes thought I was trying to put them down for drinking. But I never have - I don't care who drinks and who doesn't - as long as noone asks me to drink. Thankfully after a couple of months people gave up. Why am I talking about this now then? Because this weekend I met a whole bunch of new people and found myself in the same predicament again. But instead of having to explain myself I got myself a glass of a non-alcoholic drink so people could assume whatever they wanted. Or if someone asked I said I didnt want to right now. Just to avoid questions. Isn't it crazy that one must lie about not drinking?

Yet another thing that triggered this off. A radio talk show host said that she doesnt trust people who have never even had a puff of a cigarette or a drug in their life or who don't drink because they are TOO much in control and she is scared of them. What the HELL?? am i the only crazy one here?

The vogue of political incorrectness

A few months ago I got told by a friend that I am the most politically correct person he knows and no it wasn't a compliment. He said I should round up a bunch of people like me and we could form a very good PC police. Right. I actually think it's quite funny that to call a person politically correct is now a derogatory term or maybe it always was since the phrase was conceived. What is to be politically correct? Wikipedia (the ONE who knows everything) seems to define it as languange, ideas, behaviour that seeks to minimize offense. Ummm...am I missing something? Is that not a good thing?

No by this I do not mean that we should all hide the truth or our real feelings all the time - but sometimes is it worth offending others for your own satisfaction of not being PC? Isn't it better to then be politically correct?

The reason I bring this up is now that I have a car again I am finally listening to the radio in the US. And I was a little appalled at the topics that get discussed on the radio and the way people are criticized and insulted. And so much of it is pointless. To me if feels like it is all in the name of being 'cool' Un-PC people.

So is that a trend then? To talk crap just so you can claim to not be labeled PC?

The best man I will ever know

A couple of weeks ago it was fathers day in the US, but I think it is on a different day in new zealand so I don't know when to wish my dad. But then, every day is fathers day because without my dad I would be nobody and I don't just mean that in the literal sense.

Last week I had a bit of a crisis and I think it was him worrying a lot more than I was. But then perhaps the reason I wasn't worrying was because I knew he was there and somehow he would magically make all the problems go away - and he did!

What can I say about him? At time we are such opposites that he drives me crazy with his views on what I should do. I fight with him like there's no tomorrow - and it happens that once in a while we are both so pigheaded that neither wants to see the other's point. Then I realize that maybe we aren't so different after all. And sometimes I just give in because I would rather do something that makes him happy than be stubborn.

Because ever since I can remember, he has done everything possible and more to make me happy. I don't actually remember ever asking him for something and not getting it - more often than not I have had it before I have even asked for it. I am yet to figure out how he knows.

At the end of the day he's just there. At the other end of the phone any time of day or night - whether it is for silly things like me being lost (yes I actually call long distance to find directions when I'm lost - that's how dependent I can be on him) or stressing about exams. He's always there. And I thank God every day for that.

Children

At work today there was a picnic for all the employees' kids - not that I have any of my own but I thought to stop by the picnic where they had a person doing an animal show. I was amazed - not by the huge reptiles, though those were pretty incredible too - but by the questions children ask. Their sense of wonder at the world in all things we consider small and insignificant. The world is filled with things that we should all feel like that about, yet we pass them by everyday never stopping to look and wonder. It must be nice to be young enough and innocent enough to appreciate the little things. I so wish to be a child again so I can just live. So I can be innocent again. So I can see things the way I used to.

Where and how do we lose that innocence and our sense of wonderment towards the world? Does knowledge and experience get rid of that? Or is it the drudgery of everyday life? Here we are earning money, supposedly making the world a better place - being a doctor, an artist, a mother. But are we really enjoying the world the way we once did? And if not was all the knowledge and 'maturing' worth it?

On another note, watching kids makes me realize every time how much I love them. And how much I would one day like to have my own. Yet thinking about this already makes me scared of the day that they in turn lose their innocence and stop being children. I know it sounds silly but how will i live on that day?

Aamir

Not Khan but the movie. Definitely the best movie I've seen this year. I saw good reviews but thought it was one of those things that a lot of Indian reviewers do where as soon as a movie is even mildly 'different', everyone is applauding it whether it's a good movie or not. Reservation number 2 from me - Rajeev Khandelwal. Never liked his Balaji show, and thought his acting was just so cliched. And so many TV actors do inconsequential movies just to return to the small screen after failing.

But God I hope he doesn't fail. The man is brilliant here. Through the whole movie he says very little, yet you feel like you are inside him - going through everything he is going through - seeing the world through his eyes. And what a world. Mumbai as I never knew it was. The slums. The dirt. Everything feels so real you can almost touch it. The music and the sounds are still playing in my ears. Speaking of which you wouldn't think a movie like this leaves space for good music but another surprise - I'm downloading the songs right now.

At the end of the day I give all the credit to the director - rarely have I seen a hindi movie where I felt like I was experiencing what was on the screen - I was the protagonist and I was going through these bizarre events. Because I am not super human. I react like any normal human would. Yet perhaps in every normal human, there is the ability to be more.

I won't reveal beyond that...all I will say is watch the movie!!

Time flies and how

Lying in bed I just realized that it is my penultimate night in this room. It just seems like yesterday when I walked in (with uncle and aunt in tow to make sure i 'settled in' ok). I remember being a little worried, yet definitely excited. First time away from home - big moment, blah blah. How would I handle it? What would the people be like? Would I fit in?

And here I am - end of my first year - half an mba and about to step back into the real world, even if it is only for 10 weeks. Am I ready for it though? Yes and no. Actually, more no than yes. While it will be interesting to be out there working and fun to not have tests and assignments to worry about, I don't know if I want to leave yet.

The place that I was so unsure about just 9 months ago now feels like home. So I wonder - if I'm homesick while away on my internship would i be missing my actual home or this place here?

More advertising

Putting in a plug for a friend's site

http://www.indiatvads.com/

i've always loved indian adverts

there's some awesome one's from the past here...definitely makes you nostalgic :)

My life the musical

I'm not a big fan of blog tags but this one from Amrit was too interesting to pass up...if my life was a musical what would the songs be...so here goes nothing

a lot of them probably don't fit but went with what i could think of... :)

Opening credits: Barso re Megha - Guru (sorry i had to be a little narcissistic here!)

Waking up: Beautiful day - U2

Average day: Jeene ke ishaare - Phir Milenge

First date: Aaj mausam beimaan hai - Loafer

Falling in love: When you say nothing at all - Ronan Keating/ Aaj jaane ki zid na karo - Farida Khanum

Love Scene: Tujhe dekha toh yeh jaana - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge / Everything I do - Bryan Adams

Fight Scene: We will rock you - Queen

Breaking up: Chalte Chalte - Chalte Chalte

Getting back together: Build me up Buttercup - The Foundations/ Mitwa - Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Secret love: Pyar Hua Chup ke se - 1942 A Love Story

Life’s ok: Aashayein - Iqbal

Mental Breakdown: Itni shakti hamein dena - Ankush/ Maula - Chak de India

Driving: I'm a believer - Smashmouth/Hotel California - The Eagles

Learning a lesson: Haan Yehi Rasta Hai - Lakshya

Flashback: Linger - The cranberries/ Jab Koi Baat Bigad jaaye - Jurm

Partying: Say na Say na - Bluffmaster/ Namak - Omkara

Happy Dance: Mucho Mambo (sway) - Shaft

Regretting: Drive - Bic Runga

Long night alone: Its all coming back to me now - Celine Dion/Tadap Tadap - Hum Dil De Chuke

Death Scene: Rote Hue aate hain sab - Muqaddar ka Sikandar

Closing Credits: Livin on a prayer - Bon Jovi

Dear God

Do I have to give up on worldly pleasures to be one with you? Because I so want to be. Yet I'm not sure I am ready to not care about material things. Why is it that every spiritual guide tells me I must disconnect with myself and everything around me to find you. If you are everywhere why don't I see you like the more learned ones claim they do. I believe I see you, in my heart, in my conscience. Yet should I do more? Should I wait for you to reveal yourself to me in some form the way you have to those who have persevered in their pursuit of you and given up all that is dear to them? And if I must not care about the world to find the eternal truth and you, why did you create the world around me to tempt to be a part of it?

More Istanbul...

More of the magical City


The Hagia Sophia


The Blue Mosque


Bridge separating Europe and Asia...and that beautiful water I couldn't get over


There's that mix of amazing architecture against the backdrop of water that I so fell in love with

Europe to Asia all in a day - Istanbul

What a gorgeous city! I wish I could have stayed longer. I even momentarily considered moving there - when I saw some of the most beautiful houses I've ever seen in my life - only to realize that even if I did I'd never be able to afford them. Unless I find me a rich hubby...hmmm...lol :)

But seriously, there was something about Istanbul. There are two things I love on holiday - to be in or near water, and to see a part of history. And here there was both. The Hagia Sophia and the blue mosque had amazing art and architecture. And oh the history! A building that has been around for centuries or millenniums even..to stand in there and read about everything the building has gone through right from the 4th century. To think about everyone who has probably stood on the same spot that you are!

My highlight of the trip however was the Basilica Cistern (photo here). Entirely underground, with water and beautifully lit. There was a peaceful yet eerie feeling all at once. Definitely one of the most memorable buildings I've seen in my life.

And then there was the water. Blue. Clear. Pristine. I must have been a fish (or a mermaid perhaps! ;) ) in a previous life the way i get excited every time I see water. We caught a ferry that took us in the Bosphorus channel that separates the European and the Asian sides of Istanbul (which I thought was pretty cool in itself) - and it was during this that I saw those houses overlooking the channel...*sigh*. See it is something to do with the water. I'm sure that mermaid theory is true!

And the two guilty pleasures of Istanbul - the food and the jewelery! The amount we ate in two days was probably what I eat in a week. And the jewelery - if only I had the money, I'd have bought it all!! If I start talking any more about them, I will start craving both...so I'll stop now :)

Nature's Fury and more

What a terrible few days. China. Burma. So many people dead. Mother nature can be cruel sometimes. All those children trapped with their parents waiting outside. So many people rendered homeless. Why? What does it all mean.

And as if nature hadn't done enough, man had to have his say too. Bomb blasts in Jaipur. More people dead.

It is scary to think how many people died the last week that weren't supposed to. Or were they? Strange are the ways of God. Yes I am still hanging on to my faith. But looking for an explanation

Finding myself?

I was talking to a friend about the article I mentioned below - and how once in a while I question why if God exists, he allows such atrocities to happen in the world. My friend questioned my assumption in the first place - that God exists. What is God he asked me? My conscience - God is within me - He is who makes me not do something wrong. Then what about that man, he questioned. Did the God within him make him do what he did to his daughter? I had no response. Then we talked about Buddha - how He went out into the mountains and put himself through so much hardship believing that He would find God. And just when He thought He did, he realized how wrong he had always been. He instead found himself. He had never been the Prince Siddhartha or Gautama - he had always been Buddha. And that was the truth.

Find yourself, my friend said, don't question the world and what is right or wrong, but who you are. But how? Who am I? And what do I do to find myself?

I don't understand

I keep talking about being optimistic and happy all the time but there are times when I question myself. There is so much happening in the world that is so wrong. But why? If there is a God (and I do believe in my heart that there is) why does he allow these things to happen. Just yesterday when I felt compelled to research Kamal Nath I read so much about the Sikh massacre that happened in 1984 - all done by educated people. And it disturbed me so. So many people dead - so many mothers lost their sons - so many children were orphaned. All for nothing.

I have been a little low all day - I don't quite know why. Maybe it's a combination of what I read and on a smaller scale because a friend of mine who has been dealt a very unfair hand in life, yet takes the blame of this upon herself. And when I got home, the first news article I read shook me completely. About a man in Iraq who mercilessly killed his 17 year daughter, helped by his sons, just because she was caught talking to a foreign man.

I know I have read of things like this many times, but they never fail to sadden me. To kill your own daughter and sister? What human being can bring himself to do that - and to be proud of it too? Why is life so unfair to so many people in so many ways? To good people. The girl in this case did nothing wrong - she was helping other people. Yet to die such a horrid death - and have your killer go free (and even respected as a hero) - what did she do to deserve that?

My 'about me' talks about feeling blessed - and I agree I do. But sometimes I wonder about how unfair that is. I haven't done enough good in my life to deserve so much happiness. While I am thankful to God for all he has given me, I don't understand why. What about everyone else? Why do so many continue to suffer? Why is it that the world is so divided in terms of fortune - some have everything and the others have worse than nothing? Why?

Its very sad...

We had a great conference at school this weekend. Except - there were protests about a certain speaker. Kamal Nath. I didn't quite know the history there till I decided to look it up. And there is so much there. About his involvement in the massacre in 1984. Whether he was physically involved or just present watching it happen - it is still bad isn't it? There were so many people part of that atrocity - yet so many people got away free. Why? And how can someone with such a reputation be a part of the government. Perhaps I see the point of the protesters. Is that really the person we want to represent India outside our country?

I am blessed!

What did I do to meet such amazing people everywhere I go? I had the best birthday ever and I dont know why I was thinking I wouldn't! People around me just made it so special I nearly cried. What did I do to deserve it? I must have done something really good in my past life.

Quarter life crisis?

I remember blogging a couple of years ago about turning 23 which to me at that time had seemed a big deal. Now that I am on the threshold on 25 I couldn't quite remember why I had felt that way - so decided to go back and read it. Apparently the big deal was that 23 is closer to 25 that it is to 20 - and by 25 I better officially be an adult and have figured out what I want to do with my life.

But here I am at 25 still unsure of what to do. When will I finally grow up?

My birthday this year feels a little strange. Most years I start counting down a few weeks in advance and getting excited about nothing in particular. But here I am just 2 days before the so-called big day feeling a little pensive. What is it that I want from life? Here I am at a great business school, learning so many new things, meeting so many amazing people - who all seem to have life all figured out. Yet here I am almost drifting. But then this is how I've always been - it's just that I have been incredibly lucky to have ended up at the right place every time. I was always afraid that my luck would run out one day, but had hoped that by then I would have started to make decisions based on logic and knowing what I want.

What is it that I feel? People talk about midlife crisis - but is there such a thing as a quarter life crisis too?

Watch this video...

Then tell me...Are you a donor? And if not, why not?

Lest we forget

Interesting how I never made it a point to go to the dawn Anzac service every year while i lived in Auckland (i did a couple of times but was never regular) - but when here someone invited me to come to one, I jumped at the chance. So there I was up at 5 in the morning to get to the 6am service in downtown Chicago, and I'm really glad I went. Was beautiful to listen to the Ode of Remembrance and the Last Post, and to really think about the people who fought out there, for families that lost their sons and their husbands so far away from home.

At the service we ran into a Vietnam war veteran who said he goes to the Anzac service every year because he is happy that at least some war heroes are paid respect to. He said it disturbs him when people ask him why he fought a war - 'hate the war, not the warriors' he said. How true.

I am no fan of war, don't get me wrong, but I have immense respect for soldiers. To put your life in danger and go out there to fight for your country, there is something incredibly honorable in that. Perhaps I am biased. My dad spent 18 years of his life in the army, and I am so so proud of him for it. And well, it was an unfulfilled childhood dream that I would step into his shoes one day. I sometimes wish I had.

Random ramblings

Do we really understand the significance of things in life? Could it be that one moment that seemed entirely insignificant could then go on to shape the rest of your life? A split second decision that you didn't think made any difference changed everything for you...and perhaps you don't even realize it? Is that fate? Or just random coincidences? Do parallel dimensions get constantly created every time you make a decision...if so then wouldn't it be interesting to see the effect of those decisions?

What is happening to me?

Does it ever feel like you end up doing the very things you dislike in other people? And then you start to dislike yourself for it. All my life I could never stand negativity and cynicism - yet of late I find myself being that way. Am I losing my positivity and innocence? A friend once told me that I look at the world with rose-coloured glasses - but I think I liked being that way. Suddenly I feel like I'm losing that and seeing something entirely different. Pray, why is this happening to me? Is age finally catching up? Is it because I am finally out of the protective world that home was? Or maybe it is just a phase...please let it be just a phase. I don't want to add to the already too big list of cynics in this world.

The great supermarket conspiracy

What is it about supermarkets? Are there many people in the world who can actually walk into a supermarket and walk out with just what they came in for? Every time I'm there I seem to come home with all sorts of random things that I didn't know I need - or even wanted! Yesterday I set out with a mission - I needed four things for a dish I was making - just FOUR things - and that was all I would get. But as soon as I walked into the supermarket I started looking at something else and for five minutes had no idea what I had even come in for cause everything else looked really interesting. But I woke myself up from the trance like state and set about my task like a soldier - and actually managed to pick up just the four things I needed (though I had to fight off the temptation to buy anything else - my mission would be unsuccessful) - and made it all the way to the check out counter. So close. And then I saw it. "Exotic Chocolate" - chocolate with really weird flavourings and fillings - salt, chili, even bacon! And for some reason I saw myself pick up the chili flavoured chocolate (my mission all down the drain) and put it in my pile of things. *sigh* Why do I even want chili flavoured chocolate? I dont really. Especially not one that cost me $8 for a tiny slab. So here I am with my exotic chocolate - yet unopened - just so it can remind me of the great supermarket conspiracy and how I got trapped into it.

As an aside - I forgot to wear my watch and looked around for the time, but couldnt find a clock anywhere. Is that just that one supermarket or do supermarkets like casinos not have clocks either?

City on Steroids - Shanghai

I had seen a lot of pictures of Shanghai (and Mission Impossible 3) before and I guess I knew it was a big city with buildings everywhere. But nothing could have prepared me for Shanghai. Looking down from the tallest observation deck in the city as far out as the smog will allow you, all you can see are really tall buildings. I mean of course, that in itself is not new - but considering just 10 or 15 years ago, so much of this didn't exist, the city completely stuns you. In the past few months at business school, I've heard India and China talked about in the same breath (albeit everyone does mention that China is ahead as of now) - but I still expected China to be more or less like India. But the infrastructure in China just blew me away. Nothing in India (in any of the cities I have been) can compete.

But then, my perspective on that is that to build a whole city in a communist country is not the same as even building a single structure in a democracy. And well, while Shanghai is amazing, and it would be a dream to achieve something like that in cities in India, I wouldn't give up democracy and freedom for anything. Even if because of it India does take time to play catch up. But this discussion for another day. For now, back to Shanghai.

Our first night in Shanghai was spent on Nanjing road, which is basically a street made of neon lights. The lights are completely blinding! My first meal in Shanghai was interesting to say the least. I ordered a dish called 'Chicken with Capsicum' and when I did, the waitress said 'you want chicken with peppers'? Of course, I said yes assuming that like it would be here, peppers = capsicum. Apparently the translation got lost somewhere, and whoever had written the english menu assumed capsicum means chillies and I received a dish which was 50% red chillies!

Most of my time in Shanghai was spent walking around the streets, shopping, seeing more big buildings (including the interestingly shaped but not-so-appealing-to-me TV tower). I also found out that they were in the process of building the tallest tower in the world - but before they could finish it, the Taipei 101 was built, which will soon be surpassed by the new structure coming up in Dubai - making the one in Shanghai the 3rd tallest.

Some of the interesting things I saw: Old couples practicing ball room dancing in the park; a lot of people practicing martial arts or traditional forms of dance in the park; people stopping you every five minutes on the road asking if you want to buy a rolex or a prada bag (one of these women actually followed a guy in our group around for a long time trying to convince him to get something, anything!). Oh and I rode on the Maglev train - 431 km/h!! But just didnt seem like that big a deal while you are sitting on it. Though it was cool to get to the airport in 7 minutes!

Shanghai was just a brilliant city - buildings, food, shopping, nightlife, people. I was so so impressed. Hats off!

Random

Spotted a really cute guy yesterday at the movies...not that I approached him or anything - but I think I totally blushed when he looked up. Suddenly felt like I was 15 again (and considering I'm turning 25 in a month...well that's interesting!) :)

What an amazing trip!

Back from my trip and my promised travel log has still not happened. But what a trip it was - Shanghai, Beijing, Seoul - each city amazing in its own right. Shanghai for its crazy neon lights and huge buildings. Seoul for its people and food. Beijing for all the history. Every moment was more memorable than the other. But I would say my highlight of the trip was seeing the Great Wall of China. What an appropriate name! It really is breathtaking. Every time I go to a site that is known the world over I realize that the world wasn't joking. The Eiffel Tower brought out a strange sort of romance from within me (completely unexplained). The Tajmahal practically brought tears to my eyes (to think a husband could love to wife to that extent, and to remember that he spent the last years of his life in imprisonment just staring at the Taj). The Great Wall just left me breathless (and not just because I was too unfit to climb!). What a structure - to think it was built all those years ago - and here the world is competing to build the tallest structure. I don't anything will ever compare. That's a little something about my trip for now. More coming up. Hopefully!

Another favourite quote

Since in a post yesterday I mentioned on of my favourite quotes (On Success), here is my other fave:

Khudi ko kar buland itna
Ki har taqdeer sey pehley
Khuda bandey ko khud poocchey
Bataa, 'Teri razaa kya hai?' - Muhammad Iqbal

Translation:

Endow your will with such power
That at every turn of fate
God Himself asks of you
'What is it that pleases thee?'

Powerful words!

I'm now 33.33% an MBA!

With the assumption that I have passed my exams! :)

Second quarter through and tomorrow I leave for a trip to China and Korea. Will be amazing. I think I need to start keeping a travel log. I've seen all these great places but in the future they will just be a distant memory - and I think I'd like to remember how I felt about each place. Will start with this trip - at least make sure I make one blog entry for every city I visit. I did start this when I went to Europe - but only managed to do two out of the four cities - my laziness then caught up. Perhaps one of these days I'll do a recap of what I thought of the other places I've been to as well.

Here's a random photo - I have no idea what it is or when I took it - but it kind of looks cool. I think! :)

Just to make the blog more colourful

I think my blog needs more photos - especially since I love taking pictures...will try to put up some of the ones that I like. Here's one of my fave shots (out of those I've taken). In Jaipur - outside some palace (cant remember which one - there were palaces everywhere - speaking of which, it was an amaaazing city!).

Grades = Success?

Have an exam in two hours - and though I think I will be ok...I do sometimes wonder what the purpose of exams is. Is it a measure of how good you are? I have known people through college who probably had the best knowledge of a subject and yet could never get past a B - and others who may not have understood what was going on yet got straight As. (and I'm ashamed to say sometimes I felt like I was part of the latter group - I have As is courses that I'm not sure I did actually understand everything - yet probably knew what the teacher expected). Just doesn't seem fair.

And what are grades anyway? What does an A mean against a B? If I have an A does that mean I am better than you? Better how? All seems to silly and pointless. How can this single letter be some way to tell me that I have been successful or I haven't. Isn't there so much more to being 'better' or being successful. Oh well, I suppose when you live in a world, you abide by the rules - and these letters seem to mean something here. So I shall go back and attempt to get that A.

Speaking of success - brings me to my favourite quote(I wish blogger.com would stop telling me I have a spelling error every time i type 'favourite' - what if I dont wish to go the american way and drop the u??). Anyway back to the quote - this pretty much sums up everything I believe about life and success:

“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded..”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man-made sunrise!

My flatmate's brother watched the launch of the shuttle Endeavour yesterday. Here's a photo he took. Absolutely stunning! Copyright to Parag :)

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A friend of mine started a new blog...and its definitely worth a look! And it has real information. Not like my random rants.

So have a read!!

http://mysciencemysteries.blogspot.com/

Time flies and I wonder what is ahead

Yesterday a friend of mine put up photos online that were from four years ago. Now I cant decide if that feels like it was just yesterday - or it actually feels like it was a lifetime away. I get both feelings, isn't that bizarre? But I do have to say that time definitely flies. It definitely feels like just yesterday I was thinking about coming to business school - and now I'm close to the end of my second quarter - which marks the completion of 33% of my degree.

Sometimes I feel I came back to school to escape reality for a while, and that is exactly what it is. Being here in this artificial environment thinking we're all invincible (though you get a wake up call from that during recruiting season). But if time goes so fast, it means I have to go back to the real world again and soon. Am I ready for that? And this time it will be for real. When I finished my undergrad, I went back to do a masters - prolonged being a student for a little longer. But even when I did start working, I continued to live at home. And that is far from reality. I still had the comfort of knowing that if I screwed up my parents were there to stop me. Coming to business school is my first sense of independence and 'taking care of myself'. But then, as I said this is artificial too.

So what will happen in an year and a half when I step out into the real world. Alone.

This one's for you Amrit...

so apparently I have been tagged by my darling friend Amrita (http://writersanon-amrita.blogspot.com/)...and i have to now give out six random quirks about myself

pretty hard that - considering how perfect i am and all

but oh well, here goes

1) Every morning when I get up (no matter how busy the day is or whether I have exams on the day) - I have a ritual online of a set of websites I go to - including email, social networking, news, cricket and yes even celebrity gossip. Thus I make sure I wake up at least 20 minutes before I should have. If I want to start studying at 5, i wake up at 4.30. Rather lose half an hour of sleep than let go of my ritual.

2) When I'm really bored or a little depressed, I try on pretty clothes. Just in the comfort of my room. With accessories. Weird. I know.

3) I always have a couple of new clothes in my wardrobe. Always! Its great when I have an occasion when I really want something new to wear - I dont have to go shopping in a hurry. And yes, I love wearing new clothes :)

4) 99% of the time I wake up 5 or 10 minutes before my alarm goes off. Yet I always set 2 alarms to be sure.

5) I never chew or bite chocolate. Never. Even if there are nuts around or inside, i will wait till all the chocolate melts in my mouth first.

6) I never go out without lip balm or lip gloss. I find it comforting. Dont ask me why.

apparently the 2nd step is to tag 6 other people but unfortunately i dont have 6 friends - so this is enough for now!

And it keeps going

DING DING DING...so goes the sound. One rejection after the other, and the old ego is suffering. No matter how hard you try to keep up a brave face at one point you do start to wonder - inspite of all the reassurances we have been given that EVERYONE lands an internship (am i going to be an exception to that rule??). Oh well I suppose it's still early days and I mustn't give up hope, but damn this isn't easy! But I suppose life never is. Which makes me wonder - maybe I have had it too easy till now in life. Getting everything I wanted without having to struggle. Maybe this is life and I'm finally getting to experience it?

Oh well, I shall not think about such things - and head to New York for a fun weekend. Ok at least i will TRY not to think about this! Either way - New York here I come :)

Poor Student:0, The Great Recruiting Monster:1

One battle down and one battle lost. Apparently my strategy of being myself didn't quite cut it. First interview of the season and the first ding. Ahh its an interesting life. Time for Plan B. Prepare the heck out of everything and be the robot they want you to be. And what a hypocrite I will be. But what can one do when one must find a job?

On another note, chicago weather can be pretty interesting. Yesterday morning started with a beautiful 9-10 degrees. The entire day was warm enough to walk around in a light jacket. Even when I walked to class at 6 in the evening, the weather loomed just above zero - but still completely manageable. Three hours of class later - walk out and there's a snow storm! what the hell! it was interesting walking in the storm (a mild one it must be said) - i actually enjoyed it. I must be insane - got my first rejection yesterday, and walked through the snow with no gloves or hat - and i was so happy in general.

Everyone around me seems more and more stressed while I feel like i'm on holiday. I mean sure I want a job too, but I just cant seem to get myself to worry about it enough to forget everything else in life. I mean seriously. Its a job. You will get one. Take some time to stop and smell the roses. Or the snow

And it begins...

Here I am two hours before my first internship interview (keeping up the tradition of blogging at the most inappropriate times)...very mixed feelings right now. I know I should be nervous cause I am not as ready as I know everyone around me is. But I am finding it so difficult - preparing for an interviewing...practicing the answers you will give to questions...the whole process seems odd to me. Is it just me or is it an American thing? Or perhaps its an MBA thing. Which would make sense I suppose...with engineering, as long as you can do the work, people are happy to hire you - no bullshit required. Here it feels like - they can train you to the work, but they want to make sure you have the ability to bullshit. Sorry for sounding so cynical - but well, i am!

Yesterday was the first day of recruiting and it was pretty freaky seeing everyone in suits getting in and out of interviews...everything feels different at school now. Everyone working towards getting a job - and not really caring about anything or anyone else around. I suppose thats life, and thats what we're here for. Feels like classes arent even important, with the attendance lower every day - because after all, we're not here to learn. We're here to find a job. It totally sucks...Cause I'm really enjoying class, but definitely not this recruiting stuff...

I'm sure once I screw up today's interview - which I just might - I will stop being cynical and get my ass down and prepare. But for today, I have decided, I will be myself - and see what they can throw at me. And leave the rest to fate, God, whatever...

So let the games begin

happy new year and all that

So 2008 is here...like seriously???! where did the year go? Why is time going so damn fast? doesn't it sometimes feel that every year goes faster than the previous one? So here's my very silly theory of why that could be - every year is a smaller portion of your whole life than the previous one (so when you're 1 the past year was your WHOLE life and thats a big deal, when you're 10 the past year was 10% of your life and when you're 25 the past year was 4% of your life)..so maybe thats why the years feel shorter? yes i know it doesnt make too much sense. well it does to me. and this happens to be MY blog. so shush.

My new years eve this year was the most uneventful of the past few years but still so nice. Didnt feel up to going out at all and was so happy at home that I spent it watching a movie at home with my parents. Home. Sigh. Hard to even start to say how homesick i feel. A lot more than I was when I left. People did warn me that it would happen - but I thought that was strange. Still think its strange, but at least now I believe its true. Anyway I'm sure I'll get over it soon. Lets hope!

So what do I think 2008 will bring to me? Love, Wealth, Prosperity...I will meet my dream man, find my dream job, become famous...blah blah. Actually I'll take peace and happiness for me and my family/friends. Rest will come with time i'm sure! A tad too philosophical? ok fine..i'll take the dream man - and maybe the dream job? ;)

My new years resolutions? Well there's the whole need to lose a bit of weight and get more fit blah blah crap. But its so ambigous and easy to break...so here's my resolution - at least 20 mins of exercise everyday...small but easy to do? lets see how i go with that. And there now that I have it in writing it will remind me to keep at it! :)

Anyway now that i'm back to school, it feels like I never left. Schedules are back to being busy and people are running around like headless chickens with their job hunting worries. Welcome back to business school

The wonder of nature

I'm sure the novelty will wear off in a few days - but I just wanted to capture the essence of what I feel about the weather right now. It started to snow in chicago this week, and I just can't stop looking outside. It is stunning to say the least! It isn't like I've never seen snow before - but I guess seeing snow on the mountains while skiing or on vacation is definitely not like going about your daily routine with snow everywhere. It looks so beautiful outside - that while walking out every morning I pause to just take it in. I've been told that it will only take a few days before I start to dislike it - but for now, i absolutely LOVE it here...! Its not just the snow, the air is so crisp and breathing it in makes me feel so alive...and before this post gets any more cheesy I will sign off

(Plus I suppose I should be studying for my exams!)

Until next time..

Marriage to a tree?

Yes I do realize that all the stuff about Aishwarya Rai getting married to a tree was well in the past. But I started thinking about it yesterday thanks to a friend who seemed to find the idea completely fascinating and was wondering what happened to the tree that she married. Apparently he read somewhere that being manglik means your spouse will die within the first year! (though a lot of people define it more as something that could lead to problems within a marriage - and in extreme cases death). Either way, so the root of the curiosity was wanting to know if the tree that Aishwarya Rai married was still ok - and he thought there should be someone tracking the tree!

So I did a little reasearch on it last night (yes i seriously have nothing better to do - and no exams are not nearly as fascinating) - and it turns out that she married 2 trees...but unfortunately noone has had this brilliant idea yet of checking up on these 'husbands' of hers! The more interesting bits I read were that since Ash did it, it has become more prevalent - manglik girls marrying trees or something...seriously! anything can turn into a fashion in India!

On a more serious note, what could lead educated people to be so superstitious. I argued with someone once about this during the Abhi-Ash wedding and they said - its not that people believe in it but they want to be cautious 'just in case' there is some truth to it. Isn't there a flaw in that argument - if you dont believe in it, where does the 'just in case' come in? And if people who are so high profile indulge in such customs, what does that mean for the less educated population who look up to these people. Are you telling everyone that there is some truth in the belief that just cause a person was born at a certain time, she is unlucky?? Like there wasn't enough crap like this going around anyway!

And what of the people who dont really know anything of astrology? And what of non-hindus...since its all about what time you were born and how the planets were aligned(?!) - they could be manglik too?!

I've never had any charts done for me, so Lord knows what curse I am carrying. Perhaps i should marry the tree outside our building and find out?

Happy Diwali!

So it was diwali on friday and I have to say it was kind of depressing to be away from home for the first time. Totally missed mum, dad and my whole family back home. But I've realised that family can be anywhere and anyone - and I think I'm starting to find one here. I came home on friday night from a long day to find my room decorated with diyas and chocolates and mithais and everything set up like it was diwali. All done just for me by my amazing amazing roommate and another friend. Cant even start to say how touched I was...actually started to cry. I really do think I'm blessed...I always manage to meet the nicest people everywhere.

Apparently its called 'B-school' for a reason

Thats what they told us in the first week. Dont care about grades. You're going to get Bs. Blah blah blah!

And after my first set of midterms I'm starting to believe it - the part about the Bs. Havent yet worked out how to stop caring about grades though! It is so hard to not care...especially having spent all of my high school and college life aiming for the top - to now be ok at being in the middle is scary. I know business school is not really about grades and it's about what you learn. But i still care damn it! I want to learn but I also want to do well.

The sad thing is I have no idea how. During engineering I know that if I put in a little more effort I could get that A or A+. What do I do here though? So many of the classes are so subjective, there is no way to know how I've done. I had a midterm that I though I had done decently - till I got the grade back!! And I know I put in all the effort I could. What to do what to do? Work harder? Pray even harder? Or start accepting the fact that it's 'B-school'??

Passion can be contagious

I look around and everywhere I see bankers and consultants - well those who want to be anyway! Great for them - its what they really want to do - but it is so much bloody pressure. To be asked WHY i'm not doing consulting. Because I dont really have an answer. Apparently it is THE career to be in. Maybe. Maybe I'm like totally in another world and need to wake up or something? Because I dont really have an answer for why I dont want to do consulting. And sometimes I get sucked in. The other day I felt the pressure and replied to an email from a recruiter from a consulting firm for a phone chat. Suddenly I had to think of things to say to him - like why I want to work for BCG - and how was I supposed to do that - when I dont - well not right now anyway. The funniest part was - during my 15 minute chat to him I talked more about the healthcare industry and less about consulting, making him say something to the effect of 'why arent you just applying to healthcare firms if that's what you want to do' - and i just felt like saying 'I knowwww!!' And I didnt even realize what I had said to give him that impression!!

Anyway the up side of being in business school is that there is a set of people who are truly passionate about something outside the norm - and that inspires me. And it definitely keeps me from going insane. There's a guy I met who has a simple yet awesome business idea that could really make a mark I think. And though he's still at business school I can see how much he cares about this and how much he really wants to do it, and I find that amazing. I totally admire the fact that he's managed to stay away from the pressure of everyone around him recruiting for all these so-called wow jobs and keeping focus on his dream.

And I guess seeing that, I am still focusing on what I want to do. Well to be honest I dont really have a goal I am working towards at the moment, but I am just waiting for something that feels right. And consulting doesnt right now. Summer internship recruiting time is fast approaching - and everyone's scrambling from event to event while I seem to be sitting at home contemplating my life - and at times wondering if I'm nuts.

The problem is - I dont yet have a specific thing I am passionate enough about to pursue. I mean I do - starting up my own biotech firm would just be the ultimate dream - but thats just too vague and not something I can pursue at the moment. But I know I can at least try to work towards it? Whether it happens or not, or how feasible or realistic it is, is a whole another deal, but there's definitely no law against dreaming right?

But right now I can just feel that passion is contagious. Seeing someone else care about something so much and pursue it makes me want to be really passionate about something too! And right now I'm passionate about being passionate I think - but hey that's something! :)

by the way - more about this person and his awesome ideas:
http://billionrupeeidea.com/
definitely a better blog than my random crap!

Yet another mood...

I'm feeling a little disillusioned...I've started to have this feeling over the past year or so that so many people aren't what you think they are. People I grew up with started to change and have entirely different personalities - but then I guess that was it - they grew up. But even people I meet now - I think something of them for the first few times I see them - and it turns out that my perception of them was completely off. I've been told in the past that I look at life very idealistically - I live with a conviction that 99% of people in this world have no ulterior motive and are just good people. I'm not questioning that they are still good people - but I'm starting to wonder about how much of their real self is evident to the world.

I am such an open book - to the extent that I constantly curse myself for it - everyone always knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. Though I know thats not the way to be - wouldnt the world be a simpler place if people were just themselves all the time. That they didnt feel the need to pretend - good or bad - just be yourself...Life would be so much easier - at least for an idiot like me..because seriously, I'm starting to realise more and more what a weakness my total lack of judgement of people is. Its not that I need to know exactly how someone is all the time - but when I like someone, be it as a friend or more, for traits that I saw in them, and they later start to behave in a total different (and sometimes on the border of weird) way - it hurts - and I start to wonder about the world, about myself, about my view of the world, and about my place in it. And it can be disturbing.

Can too much optimism be a bad thing?

Maybe its just a mood I'm in...because I'm the first one telling everyone to stay positive all the time. But sometimes it can hurt...Sometimes maybe I'm a little too optimistic and hope for too much - and when it doesnt it crushes you more than if say I had been neutral about the whole thing. Is it wrong to hope for the best - well hoping shouldnt really kill you - have I taken optimism too far where I'm going beyond hoping to expecting something to happen. I dont even know what I'm talking about. As I said maybe its just momentary thing - a change of mood - and I'll get up in the morning my usual self.

I mean I like being optimistic about things - i truly believe that umeed pe duniya kaayam hai (the world lives on hope) - but hope can hurt sometimes. There are things I have hoped very hard for in the past that didn't happen - and when they didn't I almost felt cheated, while I shouldnt have - because there had never been any guarantee anyway.

The worst thing is even when my mind knows that something isn't going to happen the way I want it to - there is a part of me just waiting for the circumstances to change - till I FINALLY get it (often too late)...I mean what's the bloody point of being optimistic if it leads to a person getting hurt?

I dont want to think like this though - I like being happy and positive about things...oh i dont know! I'm sure I'll go back to that tomorrow morning - its too much effort to not be positive...but sometimes I get so annoyed at myself. I really need to find the fine line between hoping and expecting - I think I've crossed it too many times...but HOW??!! I am the way I am - how do I change?

Once again life ends up too confusing for me...

Corporate Responsibility or Social Responsibility? - The socially responsible dreamer vs the wannabe corporate so-n-so :)

A conversation online with a friend about Corporates...two different perspectives (and in the end i dont think either of us managed to sway the other even 10%)...thought it was interesting enough to be logged...

Sam:did u watch Corporation...

m: whats that?

Sam: it's a docuementary about "Corporations"

m: about how they're evil?
:)

Sam: most of my friends who have been to B school watch it as a part of their course'
well what else are they good for
watch it and gimme ur opinion, am sure u`ll either like it or call it a hate propoganda, of some cynical losers

m: hmm i'll watch it for sure
i'm kind of sick of the corporations are evil type propoganda
i mean i agree they do a bunch of not-so-great things
but at the end of the day they are creating the economy

Sam: well u gotta realise they are..it's like saying am sick of people talking of Global Warming

m: its very easy to say get rid of all the big corporations - but what would u do then?

Sam: yeah but at what cost and whose pockets does this "Economy fill"
am sure civilisations did exist before them and society does figure a way of sustainable survival...

m: i think everything has a place in this world and sometimes its easy to just put yourself in a little bubble and make judgements about everything else
i'm not trying to be biased here - but sometimes it does get a bit much

Sam: and everything that has a place needs to exist with a social responsibility...

m: pepole find it easy to blame big companies for random things just because

Sam: well if it takes for one to scream at the top of the voice, to be audible, I wld do it...

m: http://on-cloud-nine.blogspot.com/2007/05/corporates-big-bad-wolf.html
see i agree that ethically unsound things do happen - and i dont agree with them - but its easy to get caught up in the blaming business
read that piece and tell me what u think
stuff like that makes me really mad

Sam: well and also watch the film and als watch Roger and Me and we cld talk it ...lemme read it now

Sam: well this is smart article trying to genralise an issue with one specific event...and there are many grey areas that cld be argued in those 200+ words...

m: i'm not generalising here
just talking about the specific incident
only put it here to give u an example of how blaming corporations can go too far at points
when that incident happened i was pretty damn angry at ppl's reactions

Sam: yeah, so there is an ambiguity wether the power company was informed or not abt the situation at home

m: its so easy to blame the power company though

Sam: yes it it, coz thtz always been a Socialist mindset

m: firstly if it was such an issue i really think they hsould have paid the bill after the warnings - new zealand is one country where ppl have NO excuse for not having enough to meet ends - because the govt provides income support indefinitely
its a totally socialist mindset
and yet these people didn't pay the bill
when they are saying the power was needed for her to stay alive (which it was later said she didnt - she only needed the machine occasionally)

Sam: yes but does the company see profit generation as a bigger motive than social responsibility

m: also when then power went off she had her 2 adult chlidren at home who could have easily either taken her next door or caleld the hospital
what happened to personal responsibility
i believe in taking personal responsibility rather than relying on social responsibility

Sam: yeah, the family is equally at fault..

m: at the end the power company couldnt be bothered dealing with the situation in court and compensated the family who then happily went away with their money
what does that say?
why is it the company's responsibility
they are providing a service and of course they should expect to be paid for that service
see i do believe in social responsibility
but i dont think it should supercede personal responsibility
sometimes with all the emphasis on social responsibility people forget that they need to help themselves too
living in new zealand you get totally frustrated - there are generations of people who dont work and are living off the government
why should i be paying taxes for people to sit on their asses all day?
the indians go one step ahead
they get compensation from the govt and then do cash jobs for which they dont declare income
one of our family friends worked at the income support office investigating income support fraud - and something like 80% were indians
it depressed him so much he quit his job
anyway that is beside the point
but those people who refuse to work because they are getitng money from the govt anyway - where is their sense of responsibility
why is it that social responsibility is made to be the business of corporates or those working in corporates

Sam: well sadly personal or moral responsibility is not even legally recognised to be an obligation, but a company to be in businees I feel should have a social responsiblity preceeding it's income generation

m: sorry i'm ranting a bit - i'll shut up

Sam: no..it's intresting..look at Monsanto did in S Americ and Vietnam..do u think it had any social responsibility

m: i agree that a company should have social responsibility but i dont think it is viable to expect that to be more than income generation
i should just paste this whole conversation in my blog :)

Sam: well then society should make sure they patronise companies they value socail ethics and pay only for those services...

m: thats personal choice

Sam: sure..and I`ll write back with my comments

m: you can't expect that of people

Sam: for sure, for a dreamer like me I will...expect that of people, nations and corporations
sure...

m: hope you dont think i'm an evil corporate b*tch now

Just a thought

Is doing things on an impulse good? I always remind myself thats its probably not the best plan of action - but why do I do it anyway? I must be crazy. Always doing and saying things without thinking twice and then a couple of hours later wonder - what in the lord's name was I thinking?! But then everyone says follow your heart - dont use your head too much - blah blah blah. What am I supposed to do? Listen to my heart or just use rational thought? I am so ruled by the heart its not funny - but maybe I should start thinking a little too? Life is confusing on so many different levels.

Its a sad sad day

I hope I wake up and find that the last hour and a half was a dream. It just didnt happen. The All Blacks just didnt lose to France - again! The dream shattered again for the next four years. How could it be? This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be the year that it happened. I dont even know what to say. I would be crying except I think I'm still in denial and hoping I will wake up. I'm lost for words

Thinking about options

The one strange thing about business school is that while a lot of people still seem confused about what they want to do when they leave this place, they are expected to make fairly significant decisions within a month of starting. What sort of jobs do I want to recruit for, for my internship? Thats the burning question at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea. One part of me is ok with that because after all its just an internship right? But on the flip side of that is the number of second years I see who are just accepting offers from the companies they did their internship in, or are at least sticking to the function/industry. Does that mean I should know too?

I hope not! And I hope I can use my internship as a complete experiment. Thats my thought at the moment. What am I thinking of specifically? Well there's a side of me that has for the past couple of years had a burning desire to go and work in india (and yes, cheesy as it may sound, the movie Swades did have just a little to do with it). But seriously, the opportunities there are completely limitless. And I see it as a market that I can create my own place in. Everything is growing and the potential is just amazing. The big question behind that however is will I like working and living there? I absolutely love india, dont get me wrong but I left it when I was a child - and I'm sure working there is a whole another deal from going on a holiday. But then the internship is the perfect time to test this right? And also to explore what sort of roles I could have in the industry that I like.

The only thing I am scared of is getting caught up in the big recruitment drive when everyone else is doing it. I mean I know I will still try for internship placements at a select few companies here, but my heart really lies in wanting to go back to where my roots are. But then there's the thing that I dont know what sort of internship I could get in india - so thats something else I need to look into. And its scary to have to go about this alone - the easier option is just to go for a big company that's on campus ready to take me isn't it? Also, the idea of taking up a good internship and doing well in it and taking up an offer from the same company (thus avoiding a stressful recruitment period next year) sounds so tempting!

Lets just hope I dont get lazy, and I follow my heart back home :)

And life goes on

So I've had my first 10 days of real classes - and it has been bloody real. I cant believe I'm actually living out of an outlook calendar, to the extent that I've blocked out bits to go to the gym (the fact that I didnt get my ass in the gym is a whole another deal of course). I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have no idea what my next task is - and yet I just feel like hanging out with people. So yes folks I'm at business school. I cant really complain cuz I am having a good time, and hopefully things will settle a little in the next week or so - there's just too much kicking off going on at the moment - every single club seems to be having one of those and I'm totally kickoff-ed out! Why do I go to all those things then? Apparently I have a case of FOMO - fear of missing out - but I do know people who have it a lot worse - so *shrug* cant complain.

Think I'm finally figuring out what I might want to do - actually no - but at least I do know a few things that I dont want to do - so I suppose thats a start. Everything's such a mixed bag though. If there's one thing I have learnt in these first few days - its to take everything with a pinch of salt. Whatever it is - professional choices, social activities, clubs - I have heard a whole range of reactions to every single thing. So in the end I guess I just have to experience it and find out myself. But how the hell am I supposed to experience SO many things?! But if I dont, what if i miss out?

Anyway enough complaining! I am having a good time here - meeting some really nice people - and learning so much its incredible. So I really shouldnt complain. I chose to come here - and I dont regret that choice. Actually no. I do have one last complaint. This place is too filled with married or committed guys - what happened to all the single ones? What was the point of coming here again? hehe! :)

Oh to be a student again!

Here I am on the eve of my first exam at Bschool - happily finding every excuse I can to avoid doing any real work - my current one being - my blog REALLY needs to be updated!

Anyway let's just ignore the exam for now - cause apart from that I've loved every minute of being here. I'm so so glad I made this choice. I do realise that work will get a lot harder and a lot more stressful - considering I'm only doing one paper now and I already feel like I'm doing too much work (isn't being back here about fun?) - I'm not sure how it will be once I have my full courseload. Oh well - will see when it happens.

Its amazing however how quickly I've made friends here. Met some great people - and thankfully have an awesome roommate. Every day after class there ends up being a gathering of people talking about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything - its crazy to be able to open up so much to people who were strangers just 3 weeks ago - wow! three weeks! that sounds like nothing at all. Funnily enough, while these three weeks have gone at jet speed, it also feels like I've been here forever and known these people for ever! Can you believe me, my roommate and another friend were trying out clothes for an upcoming formal at 1 in the morning when we really should have been studying for the exam? Now thats friendship! :)

So what have I learnt from being here so far. Well my first lesson was the world is a bloody small place. In these three weeks these are the connections I have found to people here - two people I met here when to primary school with two of my closest friends in India and Africa. My roommate knows someone who is in business school with a friend of mine. And the strangest thing of all - someone whose blog I used to visit (and who commented on mine a couple of times) is now in business school with me and lives just two floors above. And I thought the world was made of 6 billion people. I guess there's a LOT of truth in the whole six degrees of seperation. And I used to think it only happened in new zealand! :)

More lessons from business school - I reallllly need to get my head around what exactly it is I want to do with my life. People here seem so focused - Investment banking, consulting, private equity blah blah - i barely even know what these things are. What to do what to do. I'm just a poor confused child who came here cause I didnt want to work any more (well for two years anyway!). No but seriously, it can be a little intimidating. Of course not as intimidating as hearing some of the amazing achievements of my classmates in their lives before bschool. I so dont fit in here - and I'm not even sure how I got in. I'm grateful for sure - but also dead scared.

So many smart people - and then there's me. I guess thats a reminder to myself that I really should go do some study. So thats that then. Back to the books...

Aaaaaaaaah!!!

So much to do...too much to do.
Is this orientation or some kind of circus...all these events everywhere.
And though they might be fun, I dont know how much more I can take - and its still only the second day!!!
I want to stay homeeeeeeee.......!!!
Oh well - back to yet another session of trying to get to know even more people....too much effort right now!

In a new place...at the start of a new life...

Ok so there hasn't been a single post in here for over 2 months - and its not like it has been a particularly busy two months. Rather the most free two months i can ever remember :)
I think I became a bit of a lazy ass and couldnt be bothered doing much apart from vegetate on the couch (which probably explain the bit of weight I have put on in that period...lol!)

So what have I been doing in these two months. Pretty much was a transition period between what was and what will be. I quit work (which was a lot harder than I thought - funny that till 2 weeks before leaving I was counting down the days, but in the last two weeks I just didnt want to go. I still miss work - well not the actual work but my workmates with who I probably spent more hours laughing and chatting rather than working!). After that I was pretty much home all through - I figured its unlikely I will get an opportunity to be a total bum for a long long time (if ever) so might as well make full use of it. Between that however I spent one of the best weekends ever with five of my closest friends in Australia (made me realise that while we may move on there are some friends who just get you - and without whom you probably wouldnt be the person you are today. I miss those friends like crazy now).

Anyway so enough talk about missing (especially since the title of this post in 'a new place')!!

So here I am - away from my lovely new zealand - in the 'big bad' US of A. So I've been here about 3 weeks now - and its not quite as 'bad' as I might have thought - though the big certainly applies - everything is huuuuge - houses, roads, cars, portion sizes in restaurants! Boston was lovely - New York (what i saw of it) was just big and mad (in a good way..hehe) - and here I am now in chicago - my home for at least the next two years.

My first impression of chicago - i loved it! Lived downtown the first night - walked around the lake - there were fireworks, there was live music - it was all brilliant - put me in a great mood...and I'm so happy I made this decision. As for the campus - i have only one thing to say - there's a beach!! well sorta...hehe...but that just made my day! :)

Moved into my new place a day or so ago - so just been struggling with suitcases and boxes. My first venture into doing things for myself...hehe...no mommy around to help anymore!! Mind you I had loads of help from my uncle and aunt who have just been amazing - dont know how I would have survived this move without them (and my two adorable cousins too!).

Anyway so here I am...all's good so far...unpacking is a major pain but I think i'll survive! Just never knew you needed so much stuff to set up a place. Think i'd started taking life for granted a little bit!! Met a few people around campus already - and everyone's been so nice - looking forward to starting the degree for sure. But the other thing is - everyone seems bloody smart - I feel like a bit of a misfit and am totally freaked out about how I will cope. Oh well...we'll have to see I guess.

I was a pretty nervous about this move - but things have started to fall in place - and I think i'll be ok. Now I just have a few things to worry about - lose this extra weight from my 2 vegetating months, get used to non metric values (they're soooo illogical) and the biggest problem of them all - try not to get run over while crossing the road - why do the americans have to do everything differently anyway?? :)

The All Blacks are people too!

Why is it being made into such a big deal that two of the All Blacks have decided not to play a test because they want to be with their respective wives while they are giving birth? I’ve been listening to people on the radio talk about them being irresponsible and not taking their job seriously. But isn’t that the point – I know that they represent the country and everyone is proud of them – but to them being an All Black is also a job. What gives us the right to tell them they are not allowed to take time off from that job to honour personal commitments? Just because he plays for our country does not mean he can’t have a life of his own right?

Yesterday I heard a radio talk show host talking about how this is all just another part of the PC-driven world where men are psychologically forced to do this. Excuse me? Noone says a man must be present during the birth of his child – but what is this crap about it being PC. What if the man wants to be a part of it? What if he wants to be with his partner during that time? To me I think these men are setting great examples, and I quite admire them. By putting their wife and the birth of their child ahead of everything else. And to show that it does not make you less of a man to be with your wife when she is giving birth to your child. So who are we to judge him wrong?

So what is politics anyway?

The other day on the radio I heard a snippet from someone who I thought was from the opposition party commenting on a new change that the government had made. It was a fairly objective view with the person talking about the benefits the change could bring about while putting across what he thought were the loopholes. Through the whole interview I had a niggling feeling that something seemed wrong. And then it clicked – it was objective – which I’ve NEVER heard a politician be. And then I realised that in fact he was not a spokesman for the opposition but from a not-for-profit organisation (he was ‘national secretary’ for something – and I just heard the ‘National’ and assumed he was from the National party). So yeah – the record on politicians (from what I’ve heard so far) still stands.

But seriously, doesn’t it sometimes feel that all politics consists of is finding fault in your opposition rather than come up with genuine changes for the good of the country/city. I just looked up dictionary.com for their definition of the word politics – apparently its “The art of science of government or governing” – which makes perfect sense. Except we now use the word politics to describe playing dirty. Again from dictionary.com (yes it truly is the digital age, with me quoting the website rather than Webster’s!) – “Play politics - to deal with people in an opportunistic, manipulative, or devious way”. Isn’t that hilarious. A word that was born to describe governing is now used as a synonym for being opportunistic.

So when did that happen? Or has it always been that way? Is there absolutely anything that could be done to change it. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. I’m not trying to criticize any particular person or party but just politics as a whole. If all politicians spend their entire time analyzing what the others did wrong, when will they do their real job – govern the country?

Corporates - the big bad wolf?

Yesterday a woman died because she was on a breathing machine when the electricity at her home was cut off due to the bill not being paid. Now everyone is placing blame on the power company and the contractor of course. The company says that they were not aware of the facts. What if the power company is right when they say they didn’t know that there was a life threatening situation…cuz if they were aware…I’m sure it wouldn’t have gone that far, would it? The family says that the company is lying, and people all around the place are calling for people to be fired and what not.

There was a mistake made here without doubt. And it is something that has to be investigated. But isn’t it sad that when something happens and it is a case of common man vs big corporate, the corporate is always shown to be the bad guy? Is that always true though? I mean even a corporate is made of humans. If the contractor had been made aware of the fact that cutting power could lead to health problems, wouldn’t he have taken that into consideration?

Plus, when a home’s power is about to be cut, wouldn’t the family have gotten a few letters saying their power would be cut if there was no payment made. And if this is true, wouldn’t there have been ways the family could have made a plea stating the circumstances? Also, according to reports the woman died a few hours after the electricity in her home was cut. Why then wasn’t an ambulance called when the machine turned off and she was having trouble breathing? The question that pops into my mind is what the if the electricity had been accidentally turned off – due to a faulty wire perhaps. Would they still blame the company? Actually they probably would.

I might be sounding a little cruel here…and I agree that it was a tragedy. And in the end it could get proven that the company in fact did know of the situation and yet acted as they did. But why are people just assuming that the company must be to blame even before anything has been investigated? Is that really fair?

Does true love exist?

Yes I know there are a lot of happy couples out there that believe that they are truly in love. I am not trying to be cynical here at all. In fact I believe in love completely. But of late I have started to question whether what we believe is love is the true definition of love. But then, I suppose love is defined however we wish to define it.

So what is true love to me then? I thought I knew but as I grow up I'm not quite sure any more. And if I'm not even sure of what it is, how will I ever find it? But to find it - it has to exist right? Which brings me back to my original question.

What am I trying to say here? To be completely honest I'm not sure. Just that I wonder if what some people say - that someone out there was made for you - and that person is your soulmate - your one true love. And when you meet that person, you will somehow know. Really? But what if I dont meet that 'one'? Destiny you say? Ok so my destiny takes me to him and I happen to sit next to him on the bus. What next? How am I supposed to know?

The thing is I was never a big believer in destiny. I used to think that we make our own future and we can do what is right for us. But then something happened to change that thought. Something that made me realise that I'm not quite as powerful as I thought, and somethings are actually beyond my control, and no matter how much I try to change something, if it wasn't meant to be, it wont be. That's what the whole concept of destiny is right? Hence maybe I'm starting to believe in destiny.

And because of that my idea of love is starting to change too. Love to me was always an extension of friendship. That you meet someone and become such close friends that the idea of spending your life with them sounds like the most beautiful future you could think of. That you make a relationship happen, you make that commitment, and you take that risk even when things are against you. But what if I'm wrong? What if the whole destiny thing is correct and one day I will run into that 'one' that is my perfect other half (not that I believe in perfection in relationships...my favourite quote about relationships happens to be "A great marriage is not when "perfect couple" come together. It is when an imperfect couple learn to enjoy their differences"). What I mean is what if there is someone out these in the world who I am meant to be with?

And if there is, I want to find that person. I guess that goes against the whole destiny thing. So I'm contradicting myself. But it might be because I dont quite want to let go of my whole 'I make my own future' thing. Anyway, I have started to mumble and blabber...and havent really made much sense.

Anyway, while my practical side tells me to stop being a silly dreamer, a small part of me does hope that the romantic notion of 'the one' is in fact true - and that all my life will lead to that one moment when I find that person and know that he is it. :)

Just one line

Read a quote that I had to put in here...sums up everything about having faith so nicely to me:

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous"

Could anything be scarier?

I used to wonder about the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. I used to think isn't it more important to put a criminal behind bars. But then I think about the David Bain case. Of course I dont know if he is in fact guilty or not. But what if he isn't? Thirteen years ago his entire family was killed. And at the age of 22 he was charged with the five murders and sentenced to life. Now, all these years later a court has said that the investigation carried out wasn't just and that may mean that he was innocent after all. Imagine that. A 22 year old man spends 13 prime years of his life in prison when he did nothing at all.

I recently saw a news program about a group in the US who is working on proving innocent some people who were wrongly convincted. There were men who had gone to prison in their twenties and finally got out in their fourties. And they get some measly compensation. How can you put a price on twenty years of a person's life? Some of the men talked about how they feel they may never be able to lead a normal life - they have no partner, no children, no career. Where do they even start?

Maybe there is a lot of truth in the 'innocent until proven guilty concept'. Because it sure is worse to put an innocent man in jail than let a guilty man go free. I just cant see it any other way. What if it was you or me? Imagine that. Being in prison for all those years knowing the whole time that you did nothing.

The very thought gives me goosebumps.

Big Brother is here

The so-called "anti-smacking bill" just got passed through parliament. Apparently now parents are no longer allowed to use any sort of physical force towards their child in order to discipline or correct them. I am all for not hitting children, but isn't this taking it a bit too far? I mean I can remember only 2 times in my entire life that I was hit by my parents, and I know that each time I more than deserved it. But thats precisely the point - I never forgot those times. It does make a difference. It should only be used as a last resort of course, but to say that parents have no rights to decide how to bring up their children is truly sad. As I said, big brother is here. Now people are told how to raise their children?

The ironic thing is that I cant really see a lot of good coming out of this in the first place. I mean perhaps the intentions were in the right place - there are some parents out there who do physically abuse their children - and that is not alright. But will this really stop those people? Is a drunk angry father who needs to take out his frustration on someone going to stop and think about the anti-smacking bill before he hits his child? And if you argue that this gives right of prosecution to the police - they already had that anyway - because it is already a crime to abuse a child. The only thing was that if it was not a huge incident and used to correct the child, it wasn't categorised as a crime.

But now it is. Sure, apparently the opposition came up with a compromise where the police have the ability to use their discretion regarding the seriousness of the incident, and thus can decide whether to prosecute. But the point is, come six weeks, as soon as you so much as touch your child with a miniscule amount of force, you are technically a criminal. Sure, noone may complain, but is a thief who isn't caught by the police not a criminal?

And then when it comes to complaining, can you imagine what kids can do with this. Kids today are so media aware that of course they will bring this up with their parents. My mother is a teacher, and she tells me that seven and eight year old kids know that if a teacher uses any physical force towards a child, she is liable to the police. And they dont stop from using this as a threat. So how would you stop a child saying to a parent 'dont you dare touch me or I'll call the police'. What will happen to basic respect that a child has for a parent? And what kind of a society will that be?

Indentity crisis? - i think not!

Last week marked the anniversary of me moving to New Zealand. 12 years ago. Which now officially makes me half Indian and half Kiwi. Now I have read a lot of books and seen enough movies about immigrants feeling lost and not being comfortable in either country. But thankfully, I have never felt that way. In fact, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to be a part of two cultures, that I have a bit of each in me – and I love what that makes me. I don’t think I would have been quite the same person otherwise. I can better understand what is good and bad about each culture. I can appreciate people better. I can be more open minded and less judgemental of people. And I can have two different perspectives on most things I do by just questioning myself. I think it is quite simple to live this life without feeling pressured by either culture. You just need to realise what is important to you, and where your principles stand. For me I know that I can never let go of the values and respect that being Indian has given me. Yet I have the spirit and the friendliness and the don’t-take-yourself-too-seriously attitude of the kiwis. I’m not quite sure why characters in books and movies go through such identity crises – doesn’t being a part of two cultures just make life more interesting?

The best feeling ever...

Life has a funny way of making you realise that you’re wrong. In the days leading up to my birthday, for whatever reason, I had been feeling incredibly lonely. And in that feeling had started forget about what I did have…about all the people who were a part of my life. I really had a wake up call on my birthday though (quite literally…with messages wishing me coming in the middle of the night and early in the morning!). But seriously, I was just completely overwhelmed by the wishes that came my way and the incredible set of friends I have accumulated over the years. I’m not quite sure what I’ve done to deserve them, but my birthday made me realise that I should stop complaining about things that no longer exist and stop to savour what I do have in my life. So thank you to all my friends for making me feel so special on my birthday…and I love you all so much.

Sometimes it feels good just to be alive

I got up this morning to just the most incredibly beautiful morning. There was mist everywhere. I looked out of the window and the sea was completely hidden. I could barely see 10m ahead. Everything was just grey and covered up. But to me it was just stunning. There’s something about fog – maybe it’s the mystery of it. That could be scary too I suppose but this morning the sight was so wow. Driving in the fog I didn’t mind the traffic one bit cause I just loved being able to look around and be outside. We always complain about everything around us – the heat, the cold, the wind, the rain. Hardly ever do we stop and think about how amazing mother nature really is. That’s what she was saying today – look at me, I’m one heck of an artist!