Happy Diwali!

So it was diwali on friday and I have to say it was kind of depressing to be away from home for the first time. Totally missed mum, dad and my whole family back home. But I've realised that family can be anywhere and anyone - and I think I'm starting to find one here. I came home on friday night from a long day to find my room decorated with diyas and chocolates and mithais and everything set up like it was diwali. All done just for me by my amazing amazing roommate and another friend. Cant even start to say how touched I was...actually started to cry. I really do think I'm blessed...I always manage to meet the nicest people everywhere.

Apparently its called 'B-school' for a reason

Thats what they told us in the first week. Dont care about grades. You're going to get Bs. Blah blah blah!

And after my first set of midterms I'm starting to believe it - the part about the Bs. Havent yet worked out how to stop caring about grades though! It is so hard to not care...especially having spent all of my high school and college life aiming for the top - to now be ok at being in the middle is scary. I know business school is not really about grades and it's about what you learn. But i still care damn it! I want to learn but I also want to do well.

The sad thing is I have no idea how. During engineering I know that if I put in a little more effort I could get that A or A+. What do I do here though? So many of the classes are so subjective, there is no way to know how I've done. I had a midterm that I though I had done decently - till I got the grade back!! And I know I put in all the effort I could. What to do what to do? Work harder? Pray even harder? Or start accepting the fact that it's 'B-school'??

Passion can be contagious

I look around and everywhere I see bankers and consultants - well those who want to be anyway! Great for them - its what they really want to do - but it is so much bloody pressure. To be asked WHY i'm not doing consulting. Because I dont really have an answer. Apparently it is THE career to be in. Maybe. Maybe I'm like totally in another world and need to wake up or something? Because I dont really have an answer for why I dont want to do consulting. And sometimes I get sucked in. The other day I felt the pressure and replied to an email from a recruiter from a consulting firm for a phone chat. Suddenly I had to think of things to say to him - like why I want to work for BCG - and how was I supposed to do that - when I dont - well not right now anyway. The funniest part was - during my 15 minute chat to him I talked more about the healthcare industry and less about consulting, making him say something to the effect of 'why arent you just applying to healthcare firms if that's what you want to do' - and i just felt like saying 'I knowwww!!' And I didnt even realize what I had said to give him that impression!!

Anyway the up side of being in business school is that there is a set of people who are truly passionate about something outside the norm - and that inspires me. And it definitely keeps me from going insane. There's a guy I met who has a simple yet awesome business idea that could really make a mark I think. And though he's still at business school I can see how much he cares about this and how much he really wants to do it, and I find that amazing. I totally admire the fact that he's managed to stay away from the pressure of everyone around him recruiting for all these so-called wow jobs and keeping focus on his dream.

And I guess seeing that, I am still focusing on what I want to do. Well to be honest I dont really have a goal I am working towards at the moment, but I am just waiting for something that feels right. And consulting doesnt right now. Summer internship recruiting time is fast approaching - and everyone's scrambling from event to event while I seem to be sitting at home contemplating my life - and at times wondering if I'm nuts.

The problem is - I dont yet have a specific thing I am passionate enough about to pursue. I mean I do - starting up my own biotech firm would just be the ultimate dream - but thats just too vague and not something I can pursue at the moment. But I know I can at least try to work towards it? Whether it happens or not, or how feasible or realistic it is, is a whole another deal, but there's definitely no law against dreaming right?

But right now I can just feel that passion is contagious. Seeing someone else care about something so much and pursue it makes me want to be really passionate about something too! And right now I'm passionate about being passionate I think - but hey that's something! :)

by the way - more about this person and his awesome ideas:
http://billionrupeeidea.com/
definitely a better blog than my random crap!