Yet another mood...

I'm feeling a little disillusioned...I've started to have this feeling over the past year or so that so many people aren't what you think they are. People I grew up with started to change and have entirely different personalities - but then I guess that was it - they grew up. But even people I meet now - I think something of them for the first few times I see them - and it turns out that my perception of them was completely off. I've been told in the past that I look at life very idealistically - I live with a conviction that 99% of people in this world have no ulterior motive and are just good people. I'm not questioning that they are still good people - but I'm starting to wonder about how much of their real self is evident to the world.

I am such an open book - to the extent that I constantly curse myself for it - everyone always knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. Though I know thats not the way to be - wouldnt the world be a simpler place if people were just themselves all the time. That they didnt feel the need to pretend - good or bad - just be yourself...Life would be so much easier - at least for an idiot like me..because seriously, I'm starting to realise more and more what a weakness my total lack of judgement of people is. Its not that I need to know exactly how someone is all the time - but when I like someone, be it as a friend or more, for traits that I saw in them, and they later start to behave in a total different (and sometimes on the border of weird) way - it hurts - and I start to wonder about the world, about myself, about my view of the world, and about my place in it. And it can be disturbing.

Can too much optimism be a bad thing?

Maybe its just a mood I'm in...because I'm the first one telling everyone to stay positive all the time. But sometimes it can hurt...Sometimes maybe I'm a little too optimistic and hope for too much - and when it doesnt it crushes you more than if say I had been neutral about the whole thing. Is it wrong to hope for the best - well hoping shouldnt really kill you - have I taken optimism too far where I'm going beyond hoping to expecting something to happen. I dont even know what I'm talking about. As I said maybe its just momentary thing - a change of mood - and I'll get up in the morning my usual self.

I mean I like being optimistic about things - i truly believe that umeed pe duniya kaayam hai (the world lives on hope) - but hope can hurt sometimes. There are things I have hoped very hard for in the past that didn't happen - and when they didn't I almost felt cheated, while I shouldnt have - because there had never been any guarantee anyway.

The worst thing is even when my mind knows that something isn't going to happen the way I want it to - there is a part of me just waiting for the circumstances to change - till I FINALLY get it (often too late)...I mean what's the bloody point of being optimistic if it leads to a person getting hurt?

I dont want to think like this though - I like being happy and positive about things...oh i dont know! I'm sure I'll go back to that tomorrow morning - its too much effort to not be positive...but sometimes I get so annoyed at myself. I really need to find the fine line between hoping and expecting - I think I've crossed it too many times...but HOW??!! I am the way I am - how do I change?

Once again life ends up too confusing for me...

Corporate Responsibility or Social Responsibility? - The socially responsible dreamer vs the wannabe corporate so-n-so :)

A conversation online with a friend about Corporates...two different perspectives (and in the end i dont think either of us managed to sway the other even 10%)...thought it was interesting enough to be logged...

Sam:did u watch Corporation...

m: whats that?

Sam: it's a docuementary about "Corporations"

m: about how they're evil?
:)

Sam: most of my friends who have been to B school watch it as a part of their course'
well what else are they good for
watch it and gimme ur opinion, am sure u`ll either like it or call it a hate propoganda, of some cynical losers

m: hmm i'll watch it for sure
i'm kind of sick of the corporations are evil type propoganda
i mean i agree they do a bunch of not-so-great things
but at the end of the day they are creating the economy

Sam: well u gotta realise they are..it's like saying am sick of people talking of Global Warming

m: its very easy to say get rid of all the big corporations - but what would u do then?

Sam: yeah but at what cost and whose pockets does this "Economy fill"
am sure civilisations did exist before them and society does figure a way of sustainable survival...

m: i think everything has a place in this world and sometimes its easy to just put yourself in a little bubble and make judgements about everything else
i'm not trying to be biased here - but sometimes it does get a bit much

Sam: and everything that has a place needs to exist with a social responsibility...

m: pepole find it easy to blame big companies for random things just because

Sam: well if it takes for one to scream at the top of the voice, to be audible, I wld do it...

m: http://on-cloud-nine.blogspot.com/2007/05/corporates-big-bad-wolf.html
see i agree that ethically unsound things do happen - and i dont agree with them - but its easy to get caught up in the blaming business
read that piece and tell me what u think
stuff like that makes me really mad

Sam: well and also watch the film and als watch Roger and Me and we cld talk it ...lemme read it now

Sam: well this is smart article trying to genralise an issue with one specific event...and there are many grey areas that cld be argued in those 200+ words...

m: i'm not generalising here
just talking about the specific incident
only put it here to give u an example of how blaming corporations can go too far at points
when that incident happened i was pretty damn angry at ppl's reactions

Sam: yeah, so there is an ambiguity wether the power company was informed or not abt the situation at home

m: its so easy to blame the power company though

Sam: yes it it, coz thtz always been a Socialist mindset

m: firstly if it was such an issue i really think they hsould have paid the bill after the warnings - new zealand is one country where ppl have NO excuse for not having enough to meet ends - because the govt provides income support indefinitely
its a totally socialist mindset
and yet these people didn't pay the bill
when they are saying the power was needed for her to stay alive (which it was later said she didnt - she only needed the machine occasionally)

Sam: yes but does the company see profit generation as a bigger motive than social responsibility

m: also when then power went off she had her 2 adult chlidren at home who could have easily either taken her next door or caleld the hospital
what happened to personal responsibility
i believe in taking personal responsibility rather than relying on social responsibility

Sam: yeah, the family is equally at fault..

m: at the end the power company couldnt be bothered dealing with the situation in court and compensated the family who then happily went away with their money
what does that say?
why is it the company's responsibility
they are providing a service and of course they should expect to be paid for that service
see i do believe in social responsibility
but i dont think it should supercede personal responsibility
sometimes with all the emphasis on social responsibility people forget that they need to help themselves too
living in new zealand you get totally frustrated - there are generations of people who dont work and are living off the government
why should i be paying taxes for people to sit on their asses all day?
the indians go one step ahead
they get compensation from the govt and then do cash jobs for which they dont declare income
one of our family friends worked at the income support office investigating income support fraud - and something like 80% were indians
it depressed him so much he quit his job
anyway that is beside the point
but those people who refuse to work because they are getitng money from the govt anyway - where is their sense of responsibility
why is it that social responsibility is made to be the business of corporates or those working in corporates

Sam: well sadly personal or moral responsibility is not even legally recognised to be an obligation, but a company to be in businees I feel should have a social responsiblity preceeding it's income generation

m: sorry i'm ranting a bit - i'll shut up

Sam: no..it's intresting..look at Monsanto did in S Americ and Vietnam..do u think it had any social responsibility

m: i agree that a company should have social responsibility but i dont think it is viable to expect that to be more than income generation
i should just paste this whole conversation in my blog :)

Sam: well then society should make sure they patronise companies they value socail ethics and pay only for those services...

m: thats personal choice

Sam: sure..and I`ll write back with my comments

m: you can't expect that of people

Sam: for sure, for a dreamer like me I will...expect that of people, nations and corporations
sure...

m: hope you dont think i'm an evil corporate b*tch now

Just a thought

Is doing things on an impulse good? I always remind myself thats its probably not the best plan of action - but why do I do it anyway? I must be crazy. Always doing and saying things without thinking twice and then a couple of hours later wonder - what in the lord's name was I thinking?! But then everyone says follow your heart - dont use your head too much - blah blah blah. What am I supposed to do? Listen to my heart or just use rational thought? I am so ruled by the heart its not funny - but maybe I should start thinking a little too? Life is confusing on so many different levels.

Its a sad sad day

I hope I wake up and find that the last hour and a half was a dream. It just didnt happen. The All Blacks just didnt lose to France - again! The dream shattered again for the next four years. How could it be? This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be the year that it happened. I dont even know what to say. I would be crying except I think I'm still in denial and hoping I will wake up. I'm lost for words

Thinking about options

The one strange thing about business school is that while a lot of people still seem confused about what they want to do when they leave this place, they are expected to make fairly significant decisions within a month of starting. What sort of jobs do I want to recruit for, for my internship? Thats the burning question at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea. One part of me is ok with that because after all its just an internship right? But on the flip side of that is the number of second years I see who are just accepting offers from the companies they did their internship in, or are at least sticking to the function/industry. Does that mean I should know too?

I hope not! And I hope I can use my internship as a complete experiment. Thats my thought at the moment. What am I thinking of specifically? Well there's a side of me that has for the past couple of years had a burning desire to go and work in india (and yes, cheesy as it may sound, the movie Swades did have just a little to do with it). But seriously, the opportunities there are completely limitless. And I see it as a market that I can create my own place in. Everything is growing and the potential is just amazing. The big question behind that however is will I like working and living there? I absolutely love india, dont get me wrong but I left it when I was a child - and I'm sure working there is a whole another deal from going on a holiday. But then the internship is the perfect time to test this right? And also to explore what sort of roles I could have in the industry that I like.

The only thing I am scared of is getting caught up in the big recruitment drive when everyone else is doing it. I mean I know I will still try for internship placements at a select few companies here, but my heart really lies in wanting to go back to where my roots are. But then there's the thing that I dont know what sort of internship I could get in india - so thats something else I need to look into. And its scary to have to go about this alone - the easier option is just to go for a big company that's on campus ready to take me isn't it? Also, the idea of taking up a good internship and doing well in it and taking up an offer from the same company (thus avoiding a stressful recruitment period next year) sounds so tempting!

Lets just hope I dont get lazy, and I follow my heart back home :)

And life goes on

So I've had my first 10 days of real classes - and it has been bloody real. I cant believe I'm actually living out of an outlook calendar, to the extent that I've blocked out bits to go to the gym (the fact that I didnt get my ass in the gym is a whole another deal of course). I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have no idea what my next task is - and yet I just feel like hanging out with people. So yes folks I'm at business school. I cant really complain cuz I am having a good time, and hopefully things will settle a little in the next week or so - there's just too much kicking off going on at the moment - every single club seems to be having one of those and I'm totally kickoff-ed out! Why do I go to all those things then? Apparently I have a case of FOMO - fear of missing out - but I do know people who have it a lot worse - so *shrug* cant complain.

Think I'm finally figuring out what I might want to do - actually no - but at least I do know a few things that I dont want to do - so I suppose thats a start. Everything's such a mixed bag though. If there's one thing I have learnt in these first few days - its to take everything with a pinch of salt. Whatever it is - professional choices, social activities, clubs - I have heard a whole range of reactions to every single thing. So in the end I guess I just have to experience it and find out myself. But how the hell am I supposed to experience SO many things?! But if I dont, what if i miss out?

Anyway enough complaining! I am having a good time here - meeting some really nice people - and learning so much its incredible. So I really shouldnt complain. I chose to come here - and I dont regret that choice. Actually no. I do have one last complaint. This place is too filled with married or committed guys - what happened to all the single ones? What was the point of coming here again? hehe! :)