Sunday, January 11, 2009

Random rantings...the quest to defeat writer's block

Well, I'm not really much of writer - more a blabberer but I suppose Blabberer's Block doesnt quite have the same effect. It feels like a long long time since I've written anything here - probably cause it has been. I can't decide if it was because I didnt know what to write about or there was so much in my head that I didn't know where to start.

A lot is happening. Changes in life. It feels like it's time to grow up and I'm not sure I'm quite ready yet. The idea that in 5 months school will be over is a sad thought. Two years and now I just have 5 months left. And the rate that time is going by those will be over before I know it. And then it is time to go into the grown up world. A world which I haven't been quite a part of yet. Sure I worked for a couple of years between college and b-school but even then I was comfortably at home in the protected bubble that my parents had made for me. And then I came into the bubble that is business school. Now to be away from all that is there to shield me from the world what is to happen now? What if I suddenly discover that I'm not quite ready to be an adult? Well I suppose I dont have to be one completely - no matter how much I grow up I think there will be one part of me that will continue to be a child. But the idea of taking care of everything on my own, not having my dear dad to take care of anything that I might screw up, having to think about everything myself and not having the safety net, taking care of myself and perhaps later taking care of someone else? Am I really ready?

And then there's more. The change that is happening now. That has been happening in the past few months. It is amazing how one person can make everything different. The way you look at life, the way you think about things, the way you think about yourself. I've met people, I've thought about relationships but sometimes someone makes it feel right. While it isn't quite the 'he-looked-into-my-eyes-and-swept-me-off-my-feet', I never really expected that anyway (except during my 16 year old DDLJ fantasies!). But a smile that offers you comfort, a voice that makes you feel warm. Isn't that what it's really about? Well I guess I don't know yet but I am happy.

At the same time it can be scary. Life is beautiful yet so full of challenges. Am I ready to face them? A relationship now means so much - commitment and yet a lot of responsibility too. Am I ready for that? I suddenly feel the need to grow up. I know I can do it but I know it'll take time. Will life and he have the patience to give me that time? There's so much to learn and so much to think of. It's overwhelming yet beautiful all at once. There is still a long way to go but something in me looks forward to that journey.

So I ask myself - is everything right? When subconsciously I included a third person (after my mum and dad) in my prayers a few days ago...I started to think - something must be right.


Amrita said...

:-D if it feels right it is right. And you can do it!

OnCloud9 said...

Thanks darlin...

Kamal said...

Thinking abt the new relation uh?
Good all the best - believe me u need it. :)

Ashanka said...

I hear you on including that special person in your prayers along with the family!

Go for it Girl! I'm soo happy for you!

ApocalypsE said...

I know exactly how you feel coz my college days are done in a coupla months. As far as after the college -
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away. - kelly clarkson

Vatsa said...

Well, the beauty of having someone else there is that on the days you just cant be a grown-up, that someone else is there to be the grown-up for both of you. And the other way around... :-)

karishma said...

hey girl
I randomly came across ur blog n I really liked it!
I have only one thing to tell u... if u have already accepted the fact that change is inevitable..
u have already taken ur first step
n blv me u'll do just fine
as for the relationship.. i hope it works out just fine :)