The wonder of nature

I'm sure the novelty will wear off in a few days - but I just wanted to capture the essence of what I feel about the weather right now. It started to snow in chicago this week, and I just can't stop looking outside. It is stunning to say the least! It isn't like I've never seen snow before - but I guess seeing snow on the mountains while skiing or on vacation is definitely not like going about your daily routine with snow everywhere. It looks so beautiful outside - that while walking out every morning I pause to just take it in. I've been told that it will only take a few days before I start to dislike it - but for now, i absolutely LOVE it here...! Its not just the snow, the air is so crisp and breathing it in makes me feel so alive...and before this post gets any more cheesy I will sign off

(Plus I suppose I should be studying for my exams!)

Until next time..

Marriage to a tree?

Yes I do realize that all the stuff about Aishwarya Rai getting married to a tree was well in the past. But I started thinking about it yesterday thanks to a friend who seemed to find the idea completely fascinating and was wondering what happened to the tree that she married. Apparently he read somewhere that being manglik means your spouse will die within the first year! (though a lot of people define it more as something that could lead to problems within a marriage - and in extreme cases death). Either way, so the root of the curiosity was wanting to know if the tree that Aishwarya Rai married was still ok - and he thought there should be someone tracking the tree!

So I did a little reasearch on it last night (yes i seriously have nothing better to do - and no exams are not nearly as fascinating) - and it turns out that she married 2 trees...but unfortunately noone has had this brilliant idea yet of checking up on these 'husbands' of hers! The more interesting bits I read were that since Ash did it, it has become more prevalent - manglik girls marrying trees or something...seriously! anything can turn into a fashion in India!

On a more serious note, what could lead educated people to be so superstitious. I argued with someone once about this during the Abhi-Ash wedding and they said - its not that people believe in it but they want to be cautious 'just in case' there is some truth to it. Isn't there a flaw in that argument - if you dont believe in it, where does the 'just in case' come in? And if people who are so high profile indulge in such customs, what does that mean for the less educated population who look up to these people. Are you telling everyone that there is some truth in the belief that just cause a person was born at a certain time, she is unlucky?? Like there wasn't enough crap like this going around anyway!

And what of the people who dont really know anything of astrology? And what of non-hindus...since its all about what time you were born and how the planets were aligned(?!) - they could be manglik too?!

I've never had any charts done for me, so Lord knows what curse I am carrying. Perhaps i should marry the tree outside our building and find out?

Happy Diwali!

So it was diwali on friday and I have to say it was kind of depressing to be away from home for the first time. Totally missed mum, dad and my whole family back home. But I've realised that family can be anywhere and anyone - and I think I'm starting to find one here. I came home on friday night from a long day to find my room decorated with diyas and chocolates and mithais and everything set up like it was diwali. All done just for me by my amazing amazing roommate and another friend. Cant even start to say how touched I was...actually started to cry. I really do think I'm blessed...I always manage to meet the nicest people everywhere.

Apparently its called 'B-school' for a reason

Thats what they told us in the first week. Dont care about grades. You're going to get Bs. Blah blah blah!

And after my first set of midterms I'm starting to believe it - the part about the Bs. Havent yet worked out how to stop caring about grades though! It is so hard to not care...especially having spent all of my high school and college life aiming for the top - to now be ok at being in the middle is scary. I know business school is not really about grades and it's about what you learn. But i still care damn it! I want to learn but I also want to do well.

The sad thing is I have no idea how. During engineering I know that if I put in a little more effort I could get that A or A+. What do I do here though? So many of the classes are so subjective, there is no way to know how I've done. I had a midterm that I though I had done decently - till I got the grade back!! And I know I put in all the effort I could. What to do what to do? Work harder? Pray even harder? Or start accepting the fact that it's 'B-school'??

Passion can be contagious

I look around and everywhere I see bankers and consultants - well those who want to be anyway! Great for them - its what they really want to do - but it is so much bloody pressure. To be asked WHY i'm not doing consulting. Because I dont really have an answer. Apparently it is THE career to be in. Maybe. Maybe I'm like totally in another world and need to wake up or something? Because I dont really have an answer for why I dont want to do consulting. And sometimes I get sucked in. The other day I felt the pressure and replied to an email from a recruiter from a consulting firm for a phone chat. Suddenly I had to think of things to say to him - like why I want to work for BCG - and how was I supposed to do that - when I dont - well not right now anyway. The funniest part was - during my 15 minute chat to him I talked more about the healthcare industry and less about consulting, making him say something to the effect of 'why arent you just applying to healthcare firms if that's what you want to do' - and i just felt like saying 'I knowwww!!' And I didnt even realize what I had said to give him that impression!!

Anyway the up side of being in business school is that there is a set of people who are truly passionate about something outside the norm - and that inspires me. And it definitely keeps me from going insane. There's a guy I met who has a simple yet awesome business idea that could really make a mark I think. And though he's still at business school I can see how much he cares about this and how much he really wants to do it, and I find that amazing. I totally admire the fact that he's managed to stay away from the pressure of everyone around him recruiting for all these so-called wow jobs and keeping focus on his dream.

And I guess seeing that, I am still focusing on what I want to do. Well to be honest I dont really have a goal I am working towards at the moment, but I am just waiting for something that feels right. And consulting doesnt right now. Summer internship recruiting time is fast approaching - and everyone's scrambling from event to event while I seem to be sitting at home contemplating my life - and at times wondering if I'm nuts.

The problem is - I dont yet have a specific thing I am passionate enough about to pursue. I mean I do - starting up my own biotech firm would just be the ultimate dream - but thats just too vague and not something I can pursue at the moment. But I know I can at least try to work towards it? Whether it happens or not, or how feasible or realistic it is, is a whole another deal, but there's definitely no law against dreaming right?

But right now I can just feel that passion is contagious. Seeing someone else care about something so much and pursue it makes me want to be really passionate about something too! And right now I'm passionate about being passionate I think - but hey that's something! :)

by the way - more about this person and his awesome ideas:
http://billionrupeeidea.com/
definitely a better blog than my random crap!

Yet another mood...

I'm feeling a little disillusioned...I've started to have this feeling over the past year or so that so many people aren't what you think they are. People I grew up with started to change and have entirely different personalities - but then I guess that was it - they grew up. But even people I meet now - I think something of them for the first few times I see them - and it turns out that my perception of them was completely off. I've been told in the past that I look at life very idealistically - I live with a conviction that 99% of people in this world have no ulterior motive and are just good people. I'm not questioning that they are still good people - but I'm starting to wonder about how much of their real self is evident to the world.

I am such an open book - to the extent that I constantly curse myself for it - everyone always knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. Though I know thats not the way to be - wouldnt the world be a simpler place if people were just themselves all the time. That they didnt feel the need to pretend - good or bad - just be yourself...Life would be so much easier - at least for an idiot like me..because seriously, I'm starting to realise more and more what a weakness my total lack of judgement of people is. Its not that I need to know exactly how someone is all the time - but when I like someone, be it as a friend or more, for traits that I saw in them, and they later start to behave in a total different (and sometimes on the border of weird) way - it hurts - and I start to wonder about the world, about myself, about my view of the world, and about my place in it. And it can be disturbing.

Can too much optimism be a bad thing?

Maybe its just a mood I'm in...because I'm the first one telling everyone to stay positive all the time. But sometimes it can hurt...Sometimes maybe I'm a little too optimistic and hope for too much - and when it doesnt it crushes you more than if say I had been neutral about the whole thing. Is it wrong to hope for the best - well hoping shouldnt really kill you - have I taken optimism too far where I'm going beyond hoping to expecting something to happen. I dont even know what I'm talking about. As I said maybe its just momentary thing - a change of mood - and I'll get up in the morning my usual self.

I mean I like being optimistic about things - i truly believe that umeed pe duniya kaayam hai (the world lives on hope) - but hope can hurt sometimes. There are things I have hoped very hard for in the past that didn't happen - and when they didn't I almost felt cheated, while I shouldnt have - because there had never been any guarantee anyway.

The worst thing is even when my mind knows that something isn't going to happen the way I want it to - there is a part of me just waiting for the circumstances to change - till I FINALLY get it (often too late)...I mean what's the bloody point of being optimistic if it leads to a person getting hurt?

I dont want to think like this though - I like being happy and positive about things...oh i dont know! I'm sure I'll go back to that tomorrow morning - its too much effort to not be positive...but sometimes I get so annoyed at myself. I really need to find the fine line between hoping and expecting - I think I've crossed it too many times...but HOW??!! I am the way I am - how do I change?

Once again life ends up too confusing for me...

Corporate Responsibility or Social Responsibility? - The socially responsible dreamer vs the wannabe corporate so-n-so :)

A conversation online with a friend about Corporates...two different perspectives (and in the end i dont think either of us managed to sway the other even 10%)...thought it was interesting enough to be logged...

Sam:did u watch Corporation...

m: whats that?

Sam: it's a docuementary about "Corporations"

m: about how they're evil?
:)

Sam: most of my friends who have been to B school watch it as a part of their course'
well what else are they good for
watch it and gimme ur opinion, am sure u`ll either like it or call it a hate propoganda, of some cynical losers

m: hmm i'll watch it for sure
i'm kind of sick of the corporations are evil type propoganda
i mean i agree they do a bunch of not-so-great things
but at the end of the day they are creating the economy

Sam: well u gotta realise they are..it's like saying am sick of people talking of Global Warming

m: its very easy to say get rid of all the big corporations - but what would u do then?

Sam: yeah but at what cost and whose pockets does this "Economy fill"
am sure civilisations did exist before them and society does figure a way of sustainable survival...

m: i think everything has a place in this world and sometimes its easy to just put yourself in a little bubble and make judgements about everything else
i'm not trying to be biased here - but sometimes it does get a bit much

Sam: and everything that has a place needs to exist with a social responsibility...

m: pepole find it easy to blame big companies for random things just because

Sam: well if it takes for one to scream at the top of the voice, to be audible, I wld do it...

m: http://on-cloud-nine.blogspot.com/2007/05/corporates-big-bad-wolf.html
see i agree that ethically unsound things do happen - and i dont agree with them - but its easy to get caught up in the blaming business
read that piece and tell me what u think
stuff like that makes me really mad

Sam: well and also watch the film and als watch Roger and Me and we cld talk it ...lemme read it now

Sam: well this is smart article trying to genralise an issue with one specific event...and there are many grey areas that cld be argued in those 200+ words...

m: i'm not generalising here
just talking about the specific incident
only put it here to give u an example of how blaming corporations can go too far at points
when that incident happened i was pretty damn angry at ppl's reactions

Sam: yeah, so there is an ambiguity wether the power company was informed or not abt the situation at home

m: its so easy to blame the power company though

Sam: yes it it, coz thtz always been a Socialist mindset

m: firstly if it was such an issue i really think they hsould have paid the bill after the warnings - new zealand is one country where ppl have NO excuse for not having enough to meet ends - because the govt provides income support indefinitely
its a totally socialist mindset
and yet these people didn't pay the bill
when they are saying the power was needed for her to stay alive (which it was later said she didnt - she only needed the machine occasionally)

Sam: yes but does the company see profit generation as a bigger motive than social responsibility

m: also when then power went off she had her 2 adult chlidren at home who could have easily either taken her next door or caleld the hospital
what happened to personal responsibility
i believe in taking personal responsibility rather than relying on social responsibility

Sam: yeah, the family is equally at fault..

m: at the end the power company couldnt be bothered dealing with the situation in court and compensated the family who then happily went away with their money
what does that say?
why is it the company's responsibility
they are providing a service and of course they should expect to be paid for that service
see i do believe in social responsibility
but i dont think it should supercede personal responsibility
sometimes with all the emphasis on social responsibility people forget that they need to help themselves too
living in new zealand you get totally frustrated - there are generations of people who dont work and are living off the government
why should i be paying taxes for people to sit on their asses all day?
the indians go one step ahead
they get compensation from the govt and then do cash jobs for which they dont declare income
one of our family friends worked at the income support office investigating income support fraud - and something like 80% were indians
it depressed him so much he quit his job
anyway that is beside the point
but those people who refuse to work because they are getitng money from the govt anyway - where is their sense of responsibility
why is it that social responsibility is made to be the business of corporates or those working in corporates

Sam: well sadly personal or moral responsibility is not even legally recognised to be an obligation, but a company to be in businees I feel should have a social responsiblity preceeding it's income generation

m: sorry i'm ranting a bit - i'll shut up

Sam: no..it's intresting..look at Monsanto did in S Americ and Vietnam..do u think it had any social responsibility

m: i agree that a company should have social responsibility but i dont think it is viable to expect that to be more than income generation
i should just paste this whole conversation in my blog :)

Sam: well then society should make sure they patronise companies they value socail ethics and pay only for those services...

m: thats personal choice

Sam: sure..and I`ll write back with my comments

m: you can't expect that of people

Sam: for sure, for a dreamer like me I will...expect that of people, nations and corporations
sure...

m: hope you dont think i'm an evil corporate b*tch now

Just a thought

Is doing things on an impulse good? I always remind myself thats its probably not the best plan of action - but why do I do it anyway? I must be crazy. Always doing and saying things without thinking twice and then a couple of hours later wonder - what in the lord's name was I thinking?! But then everyone says follow your heart - dont use your head too much - blah blah blah. What am I supposed to do? Listen to my heart or just use rational thought? I am so ruled by the heart its not funny - but maybe I should start thinking a little too? Life is confusing on so many different levels.

Its a sad sad day

I hope I wake up and find that the last hour and a half was a dream. It just didnt happen. The All Blacks just didnt lose to France - again! The dream shattered again for the next four years. How could it be? This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be the year that it happened. I dont even know what to say. I would be crying except I think I'm still in denial and hoping I will wake up. I'm lost for words

Thinking about options

The one strange thing about business school is that while a lot of people still seem confused about what they want to do when they leave this place, they are expected to make fairly significant decisions within a month of starting. What sort of jobs do I want to recruit for, for my internship? Thats the burning question at the moment. And to be honest I have no idea. One part of me is ok with that because after all its just an internship right? But on the flip side of that is the number of second years I see who are just accepting offers from the companies they did their internship in, or are at least sticking to the function/industry. Does that mean I should know too?

I hope not! And I hope I can use my internship as a complete experiment. Thats my thought at the moment. What am I thinking of specifically? Well there's a side of me that has for the past couple of years had a burning desire to go and work in india (and yes, cheesy as it may sound, the movie Swades did have just a little to do with it). But seriously, the opportunities there are completely limitless. And I see it as a market that I can create my own place in. Everything is growing and the potential is just amazing. The big question behind that however is will I like working and living there? I absolutely love india, dont get me wrong but I left it when I was a child - and I'm sure working there is a whole another deal from going on a holiday. But then the internship is the perfect time to test this right? And also to explore what sort of roles I could have in the industry that I like.

The only thing I am scared of is getting caught up in the big recruitment drive when everyone else is doing it. I mean I know I will still try for internship placements at a select few companies here, but my heart really lies in wanting to go back to where my roots are. But then there's the thing that I dont know what sort of internship I could get in india - so thats something else I need to look into. And its scary to have to go about this alone - the easier option is just to go for a big company that's on campus ready to take me isn't it? Also, the idea of taking up a good internship and doing well in it and taking up an offer from the same company (thus avoiding a stressful recruitment period next year) sounds so tempting!

Lets just hope I dont get lazy, and I follow my heart back home :)

And life goes on

So I've had my first 10 days of real classes - and it has been bloody real. I cant believe I'm actually living out of an outlook calendar, to the extent that I've blocked out bits to go to the gym (the fact that I didnt get my ass in the gym is a whole another deal of course). I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I have no idea what my next task is - and yet I just feel like hanging out with people. So yes folks I'm at business school. I cant really complain cuz I am having a good time, and hopefully things will settle a little in the next week or so - there's just too much kicking off going on at the moment - every single club seems to be having one of those and I'm totally kickoff-ed out! Why do I go to all those things then? Apparently I have a case of FOMO - fear of missing out - but I do know people who have it a lot worse - so *shrug* cant complain.

Think I'm finally figuring out what I might want to do - actually no - but at least I do know a few things that I dont want to do - so I suppose thats a start. Everything's such a mixed bag though. If there's one thing I have learnt in these first few days - its to take everything with a pinch of salt. Whatever it is - professional choices, social activities, clubs - I have heard a whole range of reactions to every single thing. So in the end I guess I just have to experience it and find out myself. But how the hell am I supposed to experience SO many things?! But if I dont, what if i miss out?

Anyway enough complaining! I am having a good time here - meeting some really nice people - and learning so much its incredible. So I really shouldnt complain. I chose to come here - and I dont regret that choice. Actually no. I do have one last complaint. This place is too filled with married or committed guys - what happened to all the single ones? What was the point of coming here again? hehe! :)

Oh to be a student again!

Here I am on the eve of my first exam at Bschool - happily finding every excuse I can to avoid doing any real work - my current one being - my blog REALLY needs to be updated!

Anyway let's just ignore the exam for now - cause apart from that I've loved every minute of being here. I'm so so glad I made this choice. I do realise that work will get a lot harder and a lot more stressful - considering I'm only doing one paper now and I already feel like I'm doing too much work (isn't being back here about fun?) - I'm not sure how it will be once I have my full courseload. Oh well - will see when it happens.

Its amazing however how quickly I've made friends here. Met some great people - and thankfully have an awesome roommate. Every day after class there ends up being a gathering of people talking about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything - its crazy to be able to open up so much to people who were strangers just 3 weeks ago - wow! three weeks! that sounds like nothing at all. Funnily enough, while these three weeks have gone at jet speed, it also feels like I've been here forever and known these people for ever! Can you believe me, my roommate and another friend were trying out clothes for an upcoming formal at 1 in the morning when we really should have been studying for the exam? Now thats friendship! :)

So what have I learnt from being here so far. Well my first lesson was the world is a bloody small place. In these three weeks these are the connections I have found to people here - two people I met here when to primary school with two of my closest friends in India and Africa. My roommate knows someone who is in business school with a friend of mine. And the strangest thing of all - someone whose blog I used to visit (and who commented on mine a couple of times) is now in business school with me and lives just two floors above. And I thought the world was made of 6 billion people. I guess there's a LOT of truth in the whole six degrees of seperation. And I used to think it only happened in new zealand! :)

More lessons from business school - I reallllly need to get my head around what exactly it is I want to do with my life. People here seem so focused - Investment banking, consulting, private equity blah blah - i barely even know what these things are. What to do what to do. I'm just a poor confused child who came here cause I didnt want to work any more (well for two years anyway!). No but seriously, it can be a little intimidating. Of course not as intimidating as hearing some of the amazing achievements of my classmates in their lives before bschool. I so dont fit in here - and I'm not even sure how I got in. I'm grateful for sure - but also dead scared.

So many smart people - and then there's me. I guess thats a reminder to myself that I really should go do some study. So thats that then. Back to the books...

Aaaaaaaaah!!!

So much to do...too much to do.
Is this orientation or some kind of circus...all these events everywhere.
And though they might be fun, I dont know how much more I can take - and its still only the second day!!!
I want to stay homeeeeeeee.......!!!
Oh well - back to yet another session of trying to get to know even more people....too much effort right now!

In a new place...at the start of a new life...

Ok so there hasn't been a single post in here for over 2 months - and its not like it has been a particularly busy two months. Rather the most free two months i can ever remember :)
I think I became a bit of a lazy ass and couldnt be bothered doing much apart from vegetate on the couch (which probably explain the bit of weight I have put on in that period...lol!)

So what have I been doing in these two months. Pretty much was a transition period between what was and what will be. I quit work (which was a lot harder than I thought - funny that till 2 weeks before leaving I was counting down the days, but in the last two weeks I just didnt want to go. I still miss work - well not the actual work but my workmates with who I probably spent more hours laughing and chatting rather than working!). After that I was pretty much home all through - I figured its unlikely I will get an opportunity to be a total bum for a long long time (if ever) so might as well make full use of it. Between that however I spent one of the best weekends ever with five of my closest friends in Australia (made me realise that while we may move on there are some friends who just get you - and without whom you probably wouldnt be the person you are today. I miss those friends like crazy now).

Anyway so enough talk about missing (especially since the title of this post in 'a new place')!!

So here I am - away from my lovely new zealand - in the 'big bad' US of A. So I've been here about 3 weeks now - and its not quite as 'bad' as I might have thought - though the big certainly applies - everything is huuuuge - houses, roads, cars, portion sizes in restaurants! Boston was lovely - New York (what i saw of it) was just big and mad (in a good way..hehe) - and here I am now in chicago - my home for at least the next two years.

My first impression of chicago - i loved it! Lived downtown the first night - walked around the lake - there were fireworks, there was live music - it was all brilliant - put me in a great mood...and I'm so happy I made this decision. As for the campus - i have only one thing to say - there's a beach!! well sorta...hehe...but that just made my day! :)

Moved into my new place a day or so ago - so just been struggling with suitcases and boxes. My first venture into doing things for myself...hehe...no mommy around to help anymore!! Mind you I had loads of help from my uncle and aunt who have just been amazing - dont know how I would have survived this move without them (and my two adorable cousins too!).

Anyway so here I am...all's good so far...unpacking is a major pain but I think i'll survive! Just never knew you needed so much stuff to set up a place. Think i'd started taking life for granted a little bit!! Met a few people around campus already - and everyone's been so nice - looking forward to starting the degree for sure. But the other thing is - everyone seems bloody smart - I feel like a bit of a misfit and am totally freaked out about how I will cope. Oh well...we'll have to see I guess.

I was a pretty nervous about this move - but things have started to fall in place - and I think i'll be ok. Now I just have a few things to worry about - lose this extra weight from my 2 vegetating months, get used to non metric values (they're soooo illogical) and the biggest problem of them all - try not to get run over while crossing the road - why do the americans have to do everything differently anyway?? :)

The All Blacks are people too!

Why is it being made into such a big deal that two of the All Blacks have decided not to play a test because they want to be with their respective wives while they are giving birth? I’ve been listening to people on the radio talk about them being irresponsible and not taking their job seriously. But isn’t that the point – I know that they represent the country and everyone is proud of them – but to them being an All Black is also a job. What gives us the right to tell them they are not allowed to take time off from that job to honour personal commitments? Just because he plays for our country does not mean he can’t have a life of his own right?

Yesterday I heard a radio talk show host talking about how this is all just another part of the PC-driven world where men are psychologically forced to do this. Excuse me? Noone says a man must be present during the birth of his child – but what is this crap about it being PC. What if the man wants to be a part of it? What if he wants to be with his partner during that time? To me I think these men are setting great examples, and I quite admire them. By putting their wife and the birth of their child ahead of everything else. And to show that it does not make you less of a man to be with your wife when she is giving birth to your child. So who are we to judge him wrong?

So what is politics anyway?

The other day on the radio I heard a snippet from someone who I thought was from the opposition party commenting on a new change that the government had made. It was a fairly objective view with the person talking about the benefits the change could bring about while putting across what he thought were the loopholes. Through the whole interview I had a niggling feeling that something seemed wrong. And then it clicked – it was objective – which I’ve NEVER heard a politician be. And then I realised that in fact he was not a spokesman for the opposition but from a not-for-profit organisation (he was ‘national secretary’ for something – and I just heard the ‘National’ and assumed he was from the National party). So yeah – the record on politicians (from what I’ve heard so far) still stands.

But seriously, doesn’t it sometimes feel that all politics consists of is finding fault in your opposition rather than come up with genuine changes for the good of the country/city. I just looked up dictionary.com for their definition of the word politics – apparently its “The art of science of government or governing” – which makes perfect sense. Except we now use the word politics to describe playing dirty. Again from dictionary.com (yes it truly is the digital age, with me quoting the website rather than Webster’s!) – “Play politics - to deal with people in an opportunistic, manipulative, or devious way”. Isn’t that hilarious. A word that was born to describe governing is now used as a synonym for being opportunistic.

So when did that happen? Or has it always been that way? Is there absolutely anything that could be done to change it. I wish I had the answer, but I don’t. I’m not trying to criticize any particular person or party but just politics as a whole. If all politicians spend their entire time analyzing what the others did wrong, when will they do their real job – govern the country?

Corporates - the big bad wolf?

Yesterday a woman died because she was on a breathing machine when the electricity at her home was cut off due to the bill not being paid. Now everyone is placing blame on the power company and the contractor of course. The company says that they were not aware of the facts. What if the power company is right when they say they didn’t know that there was a life threatening situation…cuz if they were aware…I’m sure it wouldn’t have gone that far, would it? The family says that the company is lying, and people all around the place are calling for people to be fired and what not.

There was a mistake made here without doubt. And it is something that has to be investigated. But isn’t it sad that when something happens and it is a case of common man vs big corporate, the corporate is always shown to be the bad guy? Is that always true though? I mean even a corporate is made of humans. If the contractor had been made aware of the fact that cutting power could lead to health problems, wouldn’t he have taken that into consideration?

Plus, when a home’s power is about to be cut, wouldn’t the family have gotten a few letters saying their power would be cut if there was no payment made. And if this is true, wouldn’t there have been ways the family could have made a plea stating the circumstances? Also, according to reports the woman died a few hours after the electricity in her home was cut. Why then wasn’t an ambulance called when the machine turned off and she was having trouble breathing? The question that pops into my mind is what the if the electricity had been accidentally turned off – due to a faulty wire perhaps. Would they still blame the company? Actually they probably would.

I might be sounding a little cruel here…and I agree that it was a tragedy. And in the end it could get proven that the company in fact did know of the situation and yet acted as they did. But why are people just assuming that the company must be to blame even before anything has been investigated? Is that really fair?

Does true love exist?

Yes I know there are a lot of happy couples out there that believe that they are truly in love. I am not trying to be cynical here at all. In fact I believe in love completely. But of late I have started to question whether what we believe is love is the true definition of love. But then, I suppose love is defined however we wish to define it.

So what is true love to me then? I thought I knew but as I grow up I'm not quite sure any more. And if I'm not even sure of what it is, how will I ever find it? But to find it - it has to exist right? Which brings me back to my original question.

What am I trying to say here? To be completely honest I'm not sure. Just that I wonder if what some people say - that someone out there was made for you - and that person is your soulmate - your one true love. And when you meet that person, you will somehow know. Really? But what if I dont meet that 'one'? Destiny you say? Ok so my destiny takes me to him and I happen to sit next to him on the bus. What next? How am I supposed to know?

The thing is I was never a big believer in destiny. I used to think that we make our own future and we can do what is right for us. But then something happened to change that thought. Something that made me realise that I'm not quite as powerful as I thought, and somethings are actually beyond my control, and no matter how much I try to change something, if it wasn't meant to be, it wont be. That's what the whole concept of destiny is right? Hence maybe I'm starting to believe in destiny.

And because of that my idea of love is starting to change too. Love to me was always an extension of friendship. That you meet someone and become such close friends that the idea of spending your life with them sounds like the most beautiful future you could think of. That you make a relationship happen, you make that commitment, and you take that risk even when things are against you. But what if I'm wrong? What if the whole destiny thing is correct and one day I will run into that 'one' that is my perfect other half (not that I believe in perfection in relationships...my favourite quote about relationships happens to be "A great marriage is not when "perfect couple" come together. It is when an imperfect couple learn to enjoy their differences"). What I mean is what if there is someone out these in the world who I am meant to be with?

And if there is, I want to find that person. I guess that goes against the whole destiny thing. So I'm contradicting myself. But it might be because I dont quite want to let go of my whole 'I make my own future' thing. Anyway, I have started to mumble and blabber...and havent really made much sense.

Anyway, while my practical side tells me to stop being a silly dreamer, a small part of me does hope that the romantic notion of 'the one' is in fact true - and that all my life will lead to that one moment when I find that person and know that he is it. :)

Just one line

Read a quote that I had to put in here...sums up everything about having faith so nicely to me:

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous"

Could anything be scarier?

I used to wonder about the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. I used to think isn't it more important to put a criminal behind bars. But then I think about the David Bain case. Of course I dont know if he is in fact guilty or not. But what if he isn't? Thirteen years ago his entire family was killed. And at the age of 22 he was charged with the five murders and sentenced to life. Now, all these years later a court has said that the investigation carried out wasn't just and that may mean that he was innocent after all. Imagine that. A 22 year old man spends 13 prime years of his life in prison when he did nothing at all.

I recently saw a news program about a group in the US who is working on proving innocent some people who were wrongly convincted. There were men who had gone to prison in their twenties and finally got out in their fourties. And they get some measly compensation. How can you put a price on twenty years of a person's life? Some of the men talked about how they feel they may never be able to lead a normal life - they have no partner, no children, no career. Where do they even start?

Maybe there is a lot of truth in the 'innocent until proven guilty concept'. Because it sure is worse to put an innocent man in jail than let a guilty man go free. I just cant see it any other way. What if it was you or me? Imagine that. Being in prison for all those years knowing the whole time that you did nothing.

The very thought gives me goosebumps.

Big Brother is here

The so-called "anti-smacking bill" just got passed through parliament. Apparently now parents are no longer allowed to use any sort of physical force towards their child in order to discipline or correct them. I am all for not hitting children, but isn't this taking it a bit too far? I mean I can remember only 2 times in my entire life that I was hit by my parents, and I know that each time I more than deserved it. But thats precisely the point - I never forgot those times. It does make a difference. It should only be used as a last resort of course, but to say that parents have no rights to decide how to bring up their children is truly sad. As I said, big brother is here. Now people are told how to raise their children?

The ironic thing is that I cant really see a lot of good coming out of this in the first place. I mean perhaps the intentions were in the right place - there are some parents out there who do physically abuse their children - and that is not alright. But will this really stop those people? Is a drunk angry father who needs to take out his frustration on someone going to stop and think about the anti-smacking bill before he hits his child? And if you argue that this gives right of prosecution to the police - they already had that anyway - because it is already a crime to abuse a child. The only thing was that if it was not a huge incident and used to correct the child, it wasn't categorised as a crime.

But now it is. Sure, apparently the opposition came up with a compromise where the police have the ability to use their discretion regarding the seriousness of the incident, and thus can decide whether to prosecute. But the point is, come six weeks, as soon as you so much as touch your child with a miniscule amount of force, you are technically a criminal. Sure, noone may complain, but is a thief who isn't caught by the police not a criminal?

And then when it comes to complaining, can you imagine what kids can do with this. Kids today are so media aware that of course they will bring this up with their parents. My mother is a teacher, and she tells me that seven and eight year old kids know that if a teacher uses any physical force towards a child, she is liable to the police. And they dont stop from using this as a threat. So how would you stop a child saying to a parent 'dont you dare touch me or I'll call the police'. What will happen to basic respect that a child has for a parent? And what kind of a society will that be?

Indentity crisis? - i think not!

Last week marked the anniversary of me moving to New Zealand. 12 years ago. Which now officially makes me half Indian and half Kiwi. Now I have read a lot of books and seen enough movies about immigrants feeling lost and not being comfortable in either country. But thankfully, I have never felt that way. In fact, I love the fact that I have the opportunity to be a part of two cultures, that I have a bit of each in me – and I love what that makes me. I don’t think I would have been quite the same person otherwise. I can better understand what is good and bad about each culture. I can appreciate people better. I can be more open minded and less judgemental of people. And I can have two different perspectives on most things I do by just questioning myself. I think it is quite simple to live this life without feeling pressured by either culture. You just need to realise what is important to you, and where your principles stand. For me I know that I can never let go of the values and respect that being Indian has given me. Yet I have the spirit and the friendliness and the don’t-take-yourself-too-seriously attitude of the kiwis. I’m not quite sure why characters in books and movies go through such identity crises – doesn’t being a part of two cultures just make life more interesting?

The best feeling ever...

Life has a funny way of making you realise that you’re wrong. In the days leading up to my birthday, for whatever reason, I had been feeling incredibly lonely. And in that feeling had started forget about what I did have…about all the people who were a part of my life. I really had a wake up call on my birthday though (quite literally…with messages wishing me coming in the middle of the night and early in the morning!). But seriously, I was just completely overwhelmed by the wishes that came my way and the incredible set of friends I have accumulated over the years. I’m not quite sure what I’ve done to deserve them, but my birthday made me realise that I should stop complaining about things that no longer exist and stop to savour what I do have in my life. So thank you to all my friends for making me feel so special on my birthday…and I love you all so much.

Sometimes it feels good just to be alive

I got up this morning to just the most incredibly beautiful morning. There was mist everywhere. I looked out of the window and the sea was completely hidden. I could barely see 10m ahead. Everything was just grey and covered up. But to me it was just stunning. There’s something about fog – maybe it’s the mystery of it. That could be scary too I suppose but this morning the sight was so wow. Driving in the fog I didn’t mind the traffic one bit cause I just loved being able to look around and be outside. We always complain about everything around us – the heat, the cold, the wind, the rain. Hardly ever do we stop and think about how amazing mother nature really is. That’s what she was saying today – look at me, I’m one heck of an artist!

Scary thoughts

What would make a person want to walk into a room and shoot everyone around him?

It is all well and good to talk about gun laws and I whole heartedly agree that being able to so easily acquire a gun and walk around with it has a lot to do with such killings. I mean even if someone went mad like that, if he had no gun, it would be logistically very difficult for him to kill that many people.

But what I cant understand is what must go through a person's head before he or she decides to take such drastic measures. And what is the person trying to prove to the world?

I saw the video clippings that the killer in the virginia tech shootings recorded of himself. And while I heard mumbling about 'all you rich kids', I really have no idea what he was talking about. What must he have gone through for him to have done this? It isn't something that naturally comes to people is it? Was he being vindictive? It sounded like it. According to 'reports' that a whole bunch of people from the university are giving now, he was a disturbed person who had shown a liking for violence. But there are millions of people who like violence. What makes that one person step beyond the line and actually act upon it?

If someone ('rich kids'??) had hurt him or insulted him in any way, why did he choose to take that out on random people around him? I guess noone will ever know what really made him do it. I heard someone on talk back radio the other day say 'If people around him thought he was mentally disturbed, why didn’t they act upon it?'. But they did. His teacher apparently even went to the authorities. But can you really blame the authorities? What were they meant to do? Lock him up just because he wrote a violent play. If that was the only criteria for declaring someone criminally insane, what would you do to someone like Stephen King? It's impossible to know isnt it?

And if it is impossible to know, is it really possible to stop further such killings?

Yay! Its over!!

Praise the Lord! What am I talking about? The circus that the media has named 'wedding of the year' (or was it century?). In the last two weeks I have heard or read every detail about the abhishek and aishwarya (or abhiwarya as people suddenly seem to call them...must we copy everything from hollywood??) wedding. And I dont even care! Everytime I open an indian newspaper online I see headlines like 'Mehendi ordered from Rajasthan for Aishwarya' (Are you freaking kidding me??! Do people REALLY want to know that?) and every time I turn on an indian news channel I see scrolling headlines on the bottom of the screen.

The last three days in particular, there has been running commentary on NDTV. It just got so bad that I decided not to watch the news at all! There were news people actually stationed outside each of the Bachhans' residences and Aishwarya's apartment talking about who had just gone in and what was going on at that time. I dont think that even the world cup final, even if the indian team had made it there, would have warranted so many constant updates.

They're getting married, and I wish them all the best, but do I really need to know so much about it? And do the public actually want to know about it or is it just media created hype? I cant imagine that there are sane people out there with jobs and lives who care about which temple Abhishek and Aishwarya are visiting next and which laddoo shop that they ordered their wedding sweets from!! I refuse to believe it.

One thing I do wonder about is whether these so-called journalists who are posted there actually WANT to be there?

Anyway, though there was a lot of nonsense regarding the wedding on the news, the funniest thing that NDTV had was bullet point list of those invited...and a bullet point list of those NOT invited!! I'm not joking! The newsreader in her most serious voice goes 'Invited: X, Y, Z...'. 'Not Invited: A, B, C...'!!! It was like she was reading some sort of a hitlist!!!

Some people need to get a life!

Richard Gere kissed Shilpa Shetty in public. So what?!? I don’t even care about why he did (apparently it was after he said that AIDS does not spread by hugging or kissing). But that really isn't the point. Even if he had kissed her just because he wanted to, what right does any idiot have to protest. Isn't India a democratic country? Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way! Such small things are blown up into such huge issues. Sachin Tendulkar cut a cake that was iced with the Indian flag. So WHAT? Did he do it to deliberately insult the country? It was just a cake! And then all this crap about not playing the national anthem with words and something that was said after being misinterpreted. Must everything be made into a big deal and a national issue? Do people really have nothing better to do or talk about?!

How is a kiss an insult on our country and culture??! Please! I'd like to see what the bloody Shiv Sena gets up to behind closed doors! Poor Richard Gere is caught up in all this and apparently apologised. What kind of an image of India does he take back with him though? One of a regressive society dominated by religious extremists. And he was in the country to support a good cause! But again, that’s not the main issue here. I was so so glad that Shilpa Shetty in a press conference said that she refused to apologise. What is there to apologise for? A kiss is against indian culture!!? And I hear students in Kanpur are burning effigies of Shilpa Shetty and Richard Gere (what it is with indians and burning effigies I will never understand…Why not just take all that pyromaniac tendencies out on dushera and burn Ravan again and again). But anyway, students!! People in their teens and early twenties. I find it hard to imagine.

Stuff like this makes my blood boil. On one had we have people trying to prove that India is ready to be a developed nation. I love india with all my heart. But with people like the Shiv Sena, the country can only go backwards. And we yell to all and sundry about being the biggest democracy in the world. And Is this democracy? Where you can do what you want…just be ready for public humiliation!

Decisions can be stressful

A while ago someone I knew who was going through a phase where they couldn’t decide between two paths that life had put in front of them. They were both amazing opportunities and I couldn’t understand why it would be so difficult because either way, you win. Now I understand. Sometimes, choosing between two great options can be the hardest thing to do. The past few days I've been stressing over two absolutely amazing schools, either of which I would have accepted in a flash. But what do I do now? Its so funny. A few months ago if someone had told me I would be worrying about this, I would have laughed in their face. But when you start to think about which is better it can be scary. Someone says A will be good for me, and another says B will be good for me. And these are all people whose opinions I trust and value. I know what I wanted. I know where my heart lies. But here I am being given a 100 reasons why something else is better.

Which makes me wonder...Do I really know what's good for me? Do I know more than all these other people with more experience and knowledge? Cant say how worried I have been inside (though I've managed to maintain a fairly calm exterior). Wondering whether I should trust my own judgement. And my gut feel. Was I being too sentimental? Was I not taking more important issues into consideration? Started to wonder about my reasons for picking what I did in the first place. The idea of turning down the other school was tearing me, but how would I feel if I had to turn down the first place? Definitely worse! That I know. But still…why were all these people telling me that the other option was better for me. There has to be some truth.

But then, I read a quote somewhere that there are no bad decisions except those that are influenced by others. Perhaps that was a sign of some sort? And so it is. I have decided to follow my heart and my instinct. And I hope and pray that it is the right decision for me. Actually no. I believe it is. Because I have decided to believe in myself!

As an aside…someone told me today, that I've decided to take on a very demanding degree...in a very competitive school…and maybe this was a little preview into the next 2 years of my life! :)

Is it ok that a man died?

I've realised that noone seems to talk about Bob Woolmer's murder any more. MURDER! Doesn’t that word just scream out at you? Yet its off the radar…or so it seems. Does that mean it was ok? Does it mean it wasn’t a big deal? Till a week after the incident there was some news or the other about it…though all very haphazard…making you wonder how such crappy investigation was going on for such a high profile case. But now there's nothing! I watch an Indian news channel fairly regularly and it seems like every 3rd program on it has some discussion regarding where Indian cricket will head next. Yet, not once is the tragedy of Bob Woolmer mentioned. How can something like that be forgotten? Shouldn’t people try to find the reason behind it? It was MURDER! In the name of a game! And yet all people are back to talking about is how Bangladesh managed to beat South Africa. I'm not trying to take anything away from them here (well done to them of course!). Was just using it as an example. Why is noone even giving out news about whats happening with the investigation? He was strangled they said. We were shocked. Then they said 'wait. Maybe he was poisoned'…and then what? NOTHING! Should I join the conspiracy theorists and say the police is being manipulated by the ICC. I choose not to so far. But it saddens me to think that people have forgotten that a man lost his life…and just continue to watch the tournament pretending nothing ever happened.

Random

Jaane woh kaise log the jinke pyar ko pyar mila
Hum ne toh jab kaliyan maange kaaton ka haar mila
Bichad gaya har saathi dekar pal do pal ka saath
Kisko hai phursat jo thaame deewane ka haath
Humko toh apna saaya aksar bezaar mila
Jaane woh kaise log the jinke pyar ko pyar mila

Not quite sure why I posted this here.
This song has been in my head for the past couple of days…one of my all-time favourites…such lyrics that I almost feel like crying everytime I hear it.

Amazing how just a few lines that some person that you've never met in your life wrote can sometimes mean so much to you. That’s why I love words so much. They talk about a picture being worth a thousand words but nothing will ever beat words for me.

By the way speaking of something touching, saw a clip on youtube that brought tears to my eyes. Such a simple concept, yet it really gets to you. A must watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs

A lot of lessons that we could learn from that kiwi. Life isn't about what you cant do but what you can. If only we all spent less time thinking about what we don’t have and go about believing that things will get better. Reminds me of yet another of my favourite songs. A complete mood change from the previous song…this one, while sad is quite uplifting (a bit like the kiwi video).

Toota toota ek parinda aise toota ki phir ud na paaya
Loota loota kis ne usko aise loota ki phir jud na paaya
Udta hua woh aasmaan se aakar gira zameen par
Khwabon mein phir bhi baadal hi the woh kehta raha magar
Ke Allah ke bande hasde, Jo bhi ho kal phir aayega

Time to move on from cricket

The indian team has lost. Do I care? Well I did for the first few hours after it happened…but then now I can honestly say I don’t. Watching them play, you could see that they just didn’t want it enough. After the loss to bangladesh every person I know critisised the team to no end while I stood firmly by them saying 'they had a bad day. That’s it'…but that really isn't it! They deserved to lose the two games that they lost because they played badly. Nearly every one of them! And yes for a moment I will jump on the now popular 'bash-tendulkar' wagon because the entire country for more than a decade has been obsessed with the man. I was watching a show on NDTV that was analyzing India's exit from the world cup and 3 out of every 4 callers was asking the hosts, Siddhu and Jadeja what the future of tendulkar was. Not indian cricket…but Tendulkar!! I mean really?! I have stopped turning on NDTV now because all they do is use the same crappy words to describe india's exit. What's the point of all this talk. Its over! Move on! And think of it this way…the way they played…had they managed to make it to the super 8, what is the guarantee that they would have won any of the games apart from Ireland perhaps (if even that I can hear some of you think!). So maybe this is better than being humiliated 5 times over? Cuz seriously, there's no way they can beat South Africa, Australia or New Zealand the way they're playing at the moment!

Anyway, at the end of the day, its just a game. And I don’t know when people will start to realise that. Ok they played badly, ok they deserve to be questioned about the way they went about their task. But burning effigies? Throwing stones at their homes? What kind of crap is that? Do people in India and Pakistan really have nothing better to do with their time?

And I heard on the news today that a man in India committed suicide because he bet a large amount of money on the India-Bangladesh game. Another death in the name of cricket.

And of course, who can forget the biggest news in cricket at the moment? Bob Woolmer murdered. Whatever the reason may be…it had something to do with cricket. A GAME!! Which caused a person's death! You would think people would learn a lesson to not take the game itself as seriously. But here they are making a national issue out of a team's loss at a GAME! Do they even realise the sort of coverage all that gets outside the country. The way burning effigies and destroying property is portrayed by the western media? What does that say about India? I’m embarrased when I watch the news here. When will they grow up?

On a slightly more positive note...I'm not trying to say that supporting sport is bad. Its great to feel pride in your team/country. But just take it with a pinch of salt please! As for me...I will still watch the world cup. And support my number two team...they thankfully have been doing well so far. Go Black Caps :)

The new year is here

It’s Ugadi...the telugu new year…(also the new year for maharashtrians and kannadigas I guess)
Anyway guess how my new year started?

Put a bit of paint on the back of a workmate's car while I was trying to squeeze into a parking spot! In my defense, the car on the other side of the spot I was trying to get into had parked on the line so I had to be quite close. But that doesn’t excuse it! So let the jokes about women drivers begin! Oh well, could have been worse…at least it was only a bit of paint, no dent or anything! Yes I'm sure!

On a more serious note, I have a feeling this year is going to be a fresh start for me. Or I hope it will be. Not that there's anything wrong with my life at the moment, but of late I have started to feel a bit tired of the same thing. I'm looking forward to change. To new beginnings. And well I know change is coming. Only a few months to my big move! And there I'll be in the big bad world without the protection that home offers. Scary…but I cant wait!

I don’t know what the new year holds for me but here's hoping that it is filled with new challenges and lots of new friends. Happy Ugadi :)

Weekend weekend!

Ever felt like our whole life is based around weekends?
Thursday and Friday we ask each other what we plan to do in the coming weekend.
Monday and Tuesday we ask each other what we did during the last weekend.
So basically our whole week (and in that effect our whole life) barring perhaps Wednesday is based around the weekend.
Or is it just me? :)

I must have done something right!

My aunt and uncle were talking about a particular form of Astrology in india that preaches that what you did in your past life effects what you go through in your life now. They have immense faith in this belief. If this is true, I believe I must have done something right then because I feel blessed.

In over 23 years of life, barring a few disappointments, I have never felt real sorrow and never faced problems. My parents and my family (immediate and extended) - I have no words to describe how amazing they are and how much they mean to me. I have had great friends at every stage in my life (and again no words can say how grateful I am for the part they've played in my life). I have met with success in my studies, my career at every step. I have everything anyone could ever ask for. It has always made me wonder what I have done to deserve this. Many a times I have gone through life believing I have won some sort of a lottery and I'm living a fantasy but get scared that one day my luck will run out. What if one day God realises that I have had more than my share? What a scary thought.

I'd rather not think about that. All I can do is thank Him for all he has given me and for the people I love and who love me. And pray that he always keeps them happy.

Its not just about the cricket

Sadly India lost to Bangladesh. I mourned their loss but still refuse to give up on them, and am hoping for the best. Another shocking result followed on the same day. First India lost to Bangladesh and then even more surprisingly, Pakistan lost to Ireland. And in the process got knocked out of the world cup. Cricket sure is a funny game!

As if that wasn’t enough, today's sports news were filled with news even more shocking and noone was talking about cricket. Bob Woolmer, Pakistan's cricket coach of a long time had a heart attack and passed away. At the age of 58 with no history of heart disease. How ironic that just yesterday the papers were filled with stories of how he is going to have a difficult time ahead, with Pakistan being eliminated in the first round of the world cup, and how he will be answerable to a lot of people. Who would have thought that fate had something entirely different in store. So forget mourning cricket losses. I guess life has taught us to not get too caught up in trivial issues. Here's a silent prayer for Bob Woolmer and his family. May they find peace.

And a note to me: Its not just cricket. Life is a funny game.

A depressing experience

Just returned from a great holiday (speaking of which, I swear I will NEVER complain about the traffic in Auckland EVER again after visiting london, hyderabad and bangkok). The whole experience was fantastic except for the last day. I went to a place that I will never forget.

In bangkok there is a place called the elephant park (or zoo..or something). I assumed that it'd be a wildlife park where I'd see wild animals roaming about. Or at the very least a zoo like the one in Auckland. The first thing that I saw there depressed me to no end. I love tigers. I've always thought that they're the most majestic creatures on the planet, and the walls of my room are plastered with pictures of tigers. So what do I see as soon as I walk in? Too huge, fully grown, absolutely beautiful tigers chained to the ground with chains less than a foot long. And for 100Bahts you could get a picture taken with them. So there they were. People holding up the tigers tail and smiling for the photo, stripping them away of all their dignity. I really had tears in my eyes.

Walking through the park, things didn’t get any better. We saw elephants chained that people paid 10Bahts to feed. And the way the elephants were going for the food, it was obvious they had been starved just so they would perform tricks for people who were giving them food. The next part of the park were elephant rides. And though I was apprehensive to take part in it, I went along. It started off fine, till I saw that the guy who was making the elephant move had an iron nail in his hand. Which he used to poke the elephant with everytime it seemed like it would stop. As if my day couldn’t get worse. I couldn’t wait to get off that elephant and through the rest of the ride I really had to stop myself from crying everytime the guy poked the elephant.

And now I feel so guilty, because I was a part of that. If people like me didn’t go wanting to see that crap, they wouldn’t have a place like that would they?

Why are we all so cruel? Do animals mean nothing to us.

I don’t think I will ever in my life get over watching those tigers.

The power of prayer

Inspired by another blog by a friend I read which talked about the point in praying…

I am starting to wonder if praying for something particular has any effect on God. There was something recently that I prayed very very hard and very long for but didn’t get…so does that mean I should lose faith in God himself? Well thankfully, I haven't and my faith continues to stay strong. I've realised that whatever God has given me or hasn't given me is perhaps what is best for me. I obviously cant understand the reasons why things happen sometimes, but who am I to question Him?
Which brings me to the question that I have always wondered about…

I keep saying 'everything happens for a reason, just wait for the reason to happen'…that would mean I believe in destiny right? But I also believe that it is me who makes my destiny…such a contradiction…and I have no idea what I believe.

One thing that I do believe in is God. That as long as my conscience is clear, God is always there for me and he wont let me go down the wrong path. And if I do, he'll give me a sign…as he always has. There have been times in life where my faith has faltered and I've wondered if there really is a God..and if He exists, why He let me be hurt. But perhaps it was all to help me grow as a person. To teach me to deal with the world. Because through every test I know I have grown. And I have come out a more confident person.

I've now stopped praying for things to happen. All I pray for every day is for God to always be with me and to help me keep my faith through everything.

Itni shakti hame dena daata
Mann ka vishwaas kamzor ho na

Marriages are made in heaven

Watching my cousin get married was an amazing experience for me. To see them together so happy and so in love - my eyes were moist during the ceremony. Makes me want to believe in love again. Makes me want to believe that when the time is right, everyone meets that special someone and you really do then end up together, and all the past is then just that - the past. At that moment, nothing matters - no wish unfulfilled, no dream impossible - because the only thing that counts is that you are standing with a person that you will spend the rest of your life with. A person you chose. Or perhaps a person God chose for you.

Now I know why people catch the tube!

After my last trip to London I remember writing in my blog that it looks like everyone in london is on the tube and noone owns a car. I take that back! Looks like everyone in london owns TWO cars each! The traffic is crazy!

Some of my experiences on london roads:

- Taking 2 hours 15mins to get home from the airport when I was told it would take an hour!
- Being stuck for an hour in traffic because part of a tunnel was closed, following which we caught the tube with no warm clothes!
- A taxi driver trying to avoid the main road and taking an extra 40 mins on small bumpy streets to take us to the wedding hall
- Another taxi driver driving in circles around the same three streets for about 20 mins

Think i'm sworn off london roads!

Hail the tube!

An affair to remember

A family wedding in london. Expensive! 24 hours on a plane just to get there! Could it really be worth it i wondered. But then decided to go for it because I didnt want to regret it later.

And now that its over it was more than worth every penny and every minute of cramped legs! I cant believe I ever considered not coming. I have loved every minute of meeting family that I havent met in many years (owing to the fact that i live in the other corner of the world...from EVERYONE!), every minute of meeting cousins that I have never seen because they were born long after I moved away and most of all every minute of seeing the most beautiful wedding that I've seen in my life.

It lasted 3 days and they're three days I will never forget!

Big B the president - you've got to be kidding me!

Apparently a lot of politicians now want Amitabh Bachhan to become to the president of india! Excuse me?! Where'd that come from? Dont get me wrong, I'm a fan of his, but the president of India!! What has he done for the country to date? And what would his vision for India be? Where are these people getting this crap in their head from? If it actually happens, I will stop believing in people i'm sure! Its the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of! And that too following Dr Abdul Kalam! A man with amazing credentials who really has done so much for India...and who has a great vision for his country, our country!

I have more to say about this...but it probably involves language not appropriate to a public domain! But what is WRONG with people?!

Eden Park - a decision made?

The rugby world cup is coming to New Zealand they said. Yayyy we thought. Who knew it would all lead to so much nonsense. They starting with so much enthusiasm. A stunning model of a new stadium on the Auckland waterfront. Something that would one day be symbolic of Auckland, like the opera house. And it would have been great use of the waterfront which at the moment is covered with cargo boxes, since that's the port. This being shifted to another location would have been a great idea...who puts a shipping port smack bang in the middle of a CBD?! Especially when Auckland is surrounded by water!

So there was this amazing idea that everyone loved and the central government was willing to put in a lot of the money for it. But then other people starting pitching new ideas. Why not just 'redo' so-and-so stadium? Why not build a stadium in another location? A waterfront stadium would cost too much! But its the world cup! The world cup for the sport that kiwis live, eat and breathe and this is what they come up with! So numbers were crunched and every council that voted had different ideas. I'm still not exactly sure how the final decision was made, but all of a sudden the dream of a waterfront stadium was pulled away and we were told they would re-do Eden Park (which would cost them 300odd million as opposed to 800odd million for the waterfront). What kind a stupid idea is that? A stadium in the middle of a residential area which is already nearly impossible to get to thanks to lack of parking around the place. (Whenever we go to Eden Park, we have to get there a good hour early because we have to park so far away!) And its already difficult enough for the residents and now it'll be worse. And who would use a bigger Eden Park once this is done?

Well, said the central government, Eden Park is an auckland stadium so we shall not pay for it! Its the Auckland city council's responsibility! HUH? But isn't the rugby world cup a national event, something that'll bring revenue to the whole country! Anyway so a few weeks later we still didnt know what was going on, till we were told that they had realised it would cost 400mil to redo Eden Park properly, and thus they'd do a temporary arrangement costing 150mil instead. And also because they dont see the point of permanently expanding Eden Park. Temporary seating?! For the rugby world cup! Remember to bring your own chairs oh people of the world!!

Funniest part is they still dont know who will pay the money! Central govt doesnt want to. Auckland regional council thinks auckland city council should. Auckland city council doesnt want to pay for all of it. Etc Etc. Apparently they will sort it out. So they say...

And now we have to live with this decision. Because the people making the decisions had no foresight. Look what sydney did with the Olympic games...couldnt we at least learn 5% from that. Apparently when the opera house was being built, they had to deal with the same crap. Only difference was it was finally approved. And look what it is now! A waterfront stadium would have done the same for Auckland. And now all we have is the sky tower! And a temporary Eden bloody Park!

And AGAIN!!!!

The black caps did it agaaaaaaaaaain!! and they outdid their previous effort this time. (Though I'm a little bummed...wish I had gone down to Hamilton too...I can no longer say I watched the best game that NZ ever played)! hehe

I just couldnt believe it last night. Chasing 346 against Australia!! Absolutely stunning!

Was sitting on the edge of my seat the whole time. The game was so so close and I do feel sorry for Michael Hussey. First time captain and this is what he has to go through. A series whitewash. Australia's first ever in God knows how many years. And now Gilchrist says 'We didnt want this tour'...is that some sort of an excuse? I'm not going to be one of those people who have started to write off australia...i'm sure they will be back with a vengence at the world cup but imagine the sort of confidence this and the previous series (which england won) has given the rest of the world. That the invincible Aussies can be beaten! I know that this series they weren't full strength. But they nearly were in the last series.

And what's with Australia failing over and over again to defend big scores?? Biggest example of that would be the South Africa game of course...i dont think anything would compare to that! Bu the last two games the kiwis played really were unbelievable!

I'm always happy when the aussies lose...but yesterday I was really rooting for New Zealand...the way they were playing they deserve to win and they deserved the whitewash! I really am becoming a fan of the black caps! :)

What a game!

Watched the best cricket match I’ve ever seen yesterday (in person!). What a game! I’m not such a huuuuge supporter of the Black Caps (the NZ cricket team)…as in I do support them of course but not a diehard fan (that status is solely for supporting the indian team!). So through the initial phases of the match yesterday against Australia, I was fairly neutral. Enjoying the batting of both sides and just happy to be watching a game I love. But probably about half way through the New Zealand innings watching the way they were batting I just got caught up in the atmosphere (and what atmosphere it was…the stadium almost full with kiwi supporters of course with a few aussies here and there) and was cheering with the best of them. My voice is a bit hoarse now from all the yelling and screaming, but Boy was it worth it! The Black Caps won…chased 337 with an over and five wickets to spare and the aussies were left to lick their wounds. A series defeat yet again! And losing their top spot in the rankings for the first time ever. Could anything be better? New Zealand wins and the Aussies lose. Just a PERFECT Sunday! Go Black Caps! :)

Eklavya

Watching the movie Eklavya reminded me of the real Eklavya (from the Mahabharat). I’ve always thought that the story was the most cruel in the entire Mahabharat. They say that Mahabharat was entirely written by Krishna even before it occurred and there was a reason behind everything. Several parts of the Mahabharat are filled with people cheating the other. Duryodhan was killed through cheating. Karna was killed through cheating (Karna is my favourite character of the Mahabharat..and so wronged!..but that for another day). But Krishna tells Arjun that he must fight against his own because it was all for the greater good.

But how about Eklavya? His sole purpose was to get rid of Arjuna’s ego. The story goes that Arjun was starting to get over confident about his abilities as an archer till Eklavya came along. But was it right for the guru to ask Eklavya for his thumb? Eklavya gave up his everything at the demand of a guru who didn’t want his favourite student to be surpassed. When I heard this story as a child I remember crying because it seemed so unfair.

Was Eklavya right in what he did? Is duty above all? What about his duty to himself and what he loved the most in the world?

And was this too for the ‘greater’ good that Krishna talked about? Is it ok to sacrifice an innocent boy’s dreams and hopes for this so-called greater good?

I guess I have no place talking about the Mahabharata as I probably don’t understand the whole philosophy behind it. Just that watching the movie reminded me of something that really disturbed me as a child. And even now I cant understand it. Perhaps I will when I grow up a bit more?

To be honest or to be nice? – that is the question!

Me the flaky one is back talking about movies and movie stars (stop rolling those eyes!) but watched an episode of ‘Koffee with Karan’ the other day with SRK, kajol and rani mukherjee. While SRK was at his comedic best with each one liner outdoing the other, the real comparison I’d like to make is between Kajol and Rani Mukherjee. While Kajol was funny, straightforward and bordering on b*tchy, Rani was the epitome of goodness – everyone’s favourite daughter or bahu. An example of this would be when Rani was asked ‘if you, srk and kajol were trapped in a plane and there were only two parachutes, what would you do’, she replied ‘I’d stay back and give it to them because everyone wants to watch them on screen together’…and this wasn’t said as a joke either! Kajol’s reaction to that was ‘please stoppp’…I mean seriously!!

In the general sense is it worth being diplomatic if you have to lie through your nose all the time. Over here I’m not talking about these actresses but people as a whole. I have met many people in life who smile on the outside and make faces behind the person’s back. Is that the way of the world? Am I the only one in the world who appreciates good old fashioned honesty? Is diplomacy (bordering on hypocrisy) the call of the day? How do people do it..its so bloody hard!!

On the show, Kajol was laughing, she was mean, she was silly while Rani through the whole show presented the picture of perfection and diplomacy. I do wonder how many people find that endearing though. I for one loved Kajol and found myself choking at Rani’s answers. To sum up I’ll use a quote from SRK – ‘Rani is trying to attain sainthood and Kajol makes people give up sainthood’…I for one would like to be the latter! Otherwise wouldn’t life be such a bore!

Opinions

What is it about opinions? Is it just me who wonders how much of my opinion is my own. Too many times I find myself rephrasing what someone else said to me just because their argument was strong enough to convince me. And whats worse is that a few days later the opposite argument made by a better speaker might change my stand on the issue. Of course there are certain things that I will always support or oppose…things that are embedded in my principles. But here I’m talking about smaller things. A current affair that I may hear about and depending on how good the radio host talking about it is I start to agree with him/her. Does that mean I have no mind of my own and can be moulded any way? *sigh* That doesn’t do a lot for my ego!

Valentines day - - who cares??

I drove past a florist yesterday that was advertising single roses for $18 and a dozen for $150!! Are you kidding me?! On any other day they’d be a fifth of the price! So why do people go through all the trouble of sending flowers and doing things on this particular day?

Ok so now this is starting to sound like the growing opinion that valentine’s day has become too commercialised and its silly to do anything on the day. Everyone seems to be saying ‘who cares about valentine’s day’? But actually I beg to differ. I care!! I know people say that when you love someone anyway why pick today to show it but its just something to remind you of that special person in your heart isn’t it? So if I had a partner of course I’d want to do something on valentine’s day with him…no matter how cheesy others may find me! Heck what’s a relationship without a bit of cheese! Hehe!

But why not think of something different. Not the standard roses or cards or chocolates but something simple, sweet and from your heart. I for one would love a silly but cute text message a lot more than a dozen red roses!

What would I do for my valentine (if I had one of course!)? Bake him a lovely cake! Delivered with a big hug..and a smile to die for! Happy Valentines! :)

KBC and SRK :) :)

I finally watched an episode of KBC with my beloved shah rukh khan (for some weird reason, though we have star plus apparently kbc is not shown in New Zealand, Australia and the Philippines…go figure!). Anyway I must say I loved it! People will call me biased and perhaps I am but to me he outdid Amitabh Bachchan completely. Amitabh Bachchan did it his way but I always thought he was way too uptight and to the contestants it probably felt like they were sitting in an examination with the host grilling them! But with SRK, it seemed like he was their best friend egging them on to win more and more money. He was funny, he was sweet, he was absolutely charming. And I know I would LOVE to be a contestant on that show…not just for the money…but for a hug from him! :)

Page 3 or Page 1?

Apparently Abhishek Bachan and Aishwarya Rai are getting married. Good for them! But why does the whole world and its uncle have to know EVERY single detail of their life?! Don’t people have ANYTHING better to do? A few days ago I switched on the tv and on a news channel saw the words ‘Breaking news’ and me the silly person that I am, inspite of watching the indian news channel for so long and knowing that their breaking news could be a cat being stuck at the top of a tree, thought something significant must have happened. And that was it! That they were engaged. And a lady (I will not insult the word journalist by calling her that) stood outside Aishwarya Rai’s parents’ apartment and was giving some sort of running commentary ‘and a little while ago we sas karan johar walk in’…who the hell cares?! But apparently people do! Because she was also asking people on the road how they were feeling at that moment and the way people were expressing their happiness you would have thought it was the 15th of august 1947 and india was getting its independence. Is the news all about celebrities? Its like page 3 exists no more because its all on page one! How absolutely ridiculous!

I have interesting relatives!

Going back to the same movie discussed below (it was salaam-e-ishq…didn’t mention that before!)…in the movie the wife loses her memory. It is amazing how many hindi movies I have seen where someone loses their memory and a while ago I said to my mum nothing like that would happen in real life!! And she narrated to me the story of a distant relative. This man (who was related to her grandfather somehow) lived with his family quite happily till one day his house was attacked by naxalites (who I guess are some sort of revolutionaries..or something!)…he fled into the jungle while being chased by naxalites and either was hit by one of them or somehow got injured. He was never found and everyone presumed him dead.

What actually happened was that he was found and nursed back to health by some villagers living in the forest but he lost his memory. After a period, he married someone else in that new village and had kids. Many years later he happened upon his hometown and started to recollect everything. He found his way to his house where his kids (now grown men) lived but his wife was away. He tried to convince his kids of who he was but no body believed him. They then called his wife who also didn’t recognise him till he started to tell her about their life etc.

I’m not quite sure whether he went back to his second family after that or stayed with his first family. But doesn’t it prove that fact really is stranger than fiction!

My idea of love

I watched a movie the other day which I loved (well I didn’t love the whole movie…it was about 6 couples and I loved this particular story)…the guy is trying to convince a woman to marry him inspite of everything that is going against them…she asks him how it is possible that their relationship can go on and how can he be sure that they would be happy in the future…and he says that he doesn’t know what tomorrow would be like, but they would make it beautiful together, because without her there is no tomorrow. I was touched to see that perhaps there are people left in the world who think about why it WOULD work rather than coming up with reasons why it wouldn’t.

No relationship is perfect and no situation is perfect. It is what you make of it. The husband in the movie is just the most amazing guy you could meet. He fights to be with her and makes the best of his life with her. Even when she loses her memory of him following an accident, he doesn’t for a moment give up. She decides to leave him because she cant see him in that state but he tells her that they would start over and make new memories. To stand up for your love inspite of everything and everyone, To want to keep a commitment inspite of your head giving you reasons that it cant go on, To only want to be with that person no matter what else happens, To not ever give up on that person – that to me is true love.

And I hope that one day I too find such love.

Moving on...

My life is changing and I feel like I’m entering a new phase in it. I am starting to realise that nothing in life is a sure thing and no matter what you do, there is no way to predict tomorrow. It can be so difficult though. Exciting in a way because you have so much to look forward to, and the excitement of not knowing what tomorrow holds. But there is the sorrow of leaving things behind. While the memories will always remain, what when you pine the warmth that familiarity gives you. When people, places, things have been a constant in your life and you now have to leave them and start afresh. It feels like a new life altogether, and while the new life holds a lot of promise, it scares me. New faces. New places. New everything. Will I fit in? Will I like it? And more importantly will it like ME?

But I guess I will never know till I step out. Life is a journey and I’m ready for the next leg.

:)

Why?

Sometimes I wonder why life cant be simple. Why don’t we just go from point a to point b to point c and know exactly what to expect. It would still be fun wouldn’t it? We could still enjoy the bits that we enjoy now. Is life all about unpredictability?

Why does God create situations where we expect something to happen a certain way…but in the end we realise that there was something entirely different in store for us. Is there a purpose in that disappointment? Is it all a lesson? What is God trying to teach us? That life isn’t a bed of roses? Why isn’t life a bed of roses though?

If God did create us and everything around us, why put us in situations where we feel pain?

What is He trying to tell us?